Thursday, July 29, 2010

This really is typical behavior. For me at least.

So my best friend and I work the same schedules (at different places) sometimes and the only way we get through the horribly long morning is by texting.

Usually, our conversations are short and sweet, other times they are ridiculous.

For whatever reason, I find this morning's conversation particularly hilarious and have decided to share it with you.

You're Welcome.

First, a little background information..

My friend got married a little over a year ago and for the first time in like 5 years I had a piece of cake. I haven't stopped craving sweets all day every day. I want chocolate all day long. I long for swedish fish every time I pass them or someone mentions fishing (I work for the Boy Scouts, so you see my dilemma with this) I try every cake presented to me, etc.. etc..

Recently, I've been trying to save money and have decided one way I'm going to do so is by not having to by new jeans come winter time. This means I have to lose a few pounds and cut a few inchs off my waist. I'm not fat by any means, I just am really poor and will, apparently, do anything to save a couple dollars.

So this morning C (what we shall call him) and I are texting away...

C: [writes stuff that doesn't pertain to this post] oh man, somone brought in donuts. im avoiding them but they look immaculate.

E: Bring me one.

C: ok

E: Wait! I cand eat that n

E: *cant eat the nonsense. I'm trying to look hot again remember.

E:  Sorry my fingers got all send happy on that first one.

C:  I could tell lol. trying to look hot...yeah good luck

E: F*** you. Ar you saying it can't be done?

C: i would already think you were super hot... if you werent a dude

E: Lol!

C: truth

E: Meh. Not even offended.

C: Haha. Take it as a compiment                             <---- that is 100% accurate to his spelling.

E: A compiment? Oh C* yew soh gooh at sperring

C: ah tanks erra. you nah you rove meh

E: Yew keehhp terring yewserf thah.

C: aw shrit :(

E: Since when us the and L in shit?

C: huh ahah

E: I am apparently drunk at work.. or honing in on my [not giving name] drugged up language.

E: *since when IS THERE AN L in shit? Betteh?

C: i so confrused

C: but dehr isnt an ehr in shrit

E: We substitues R's for L's. Put two and two together.

C: awwww i understand naooo. you so funry

E: Do we just add r's where ever now

C: mraybrey.

E: K. Again. Brogposs                          <-- We talk about this blog and you guys all the time! Feel special!

C: jaja

E: Why are we substituting ramdome letters for everything now?!

C: that was spanish

E: Msguwj translate that

C: ella thats inappropriate to say that to me

E: How so

C: I translated...inappropriate

E: umm what did it say fooh?

Can't make this stuff up people.

Yes so, we frequently text and talk in asian accents (our interpretation, not supposed to be hurtful and usually turns into something else or laughter) and say nonsense things.

Thats normal right?

We have possibly the weirdest conversations.

and if you are really nice good little readers, someday I'll share more with you. mraybrey.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Ladies & Gentleman (if there are any gents) gather round for I have a grand announcement.

How grand?

So grand, it will blow your minds.

I have managed...

wait for it...

to discover The 8th Wonder of the World.

Don't know what the first 7 are? Read. Learn. Enjoy.

Seriously people.


Are you ready to have your mind blown by this awesomeness?
i mean it is possible your brain will be turned to mush after reading this.

If it does I do not want you to sue me and say I didn't give you fair warning.
I'm giving you loads of warning right here.

Make sure you prepare yourself NOW with whatever you can, be it booze, valium, punching bag, twinkies, etc..

Alright. I've warned you. Given sound (hah) advice on what to do and told you not to sue me. I think I've covered my bases thoroughly enough..

So I guess I'll stop beating around the bush and just come out and say it.

The 8th Wonder of the World is...

Guys & Girls CAN be best friends.


Not possible you say?

Well go bury your face in a pile of something stinky or prickly because you are wrong and that is what I feel should happen to people who are wrong. Then they are stinking pricks! hah!.. ahem.. not the point.

One of my best friends is a guy.

*holy shit, is she serious?*
[why yes, yes i am]

No one, but my boyfriend and a select few others, believes that we aren't dating or that something isn't going on between us.

Clearly, everyone is under the impression that mixed gender relationships cannot exist in the world. Just because you are a douche that can't hold down such a relationship without thinking with your downstairs head doesn't mean they don't happen.

I guess you now understand that it is, of course, mostly guys that believe this kind of thing isn't possible. 

Our friends we have known for years refuse to believe it no matter how we explain it.

I mean, we have said no, we aren't dating or hooking up 1,234,524,546,312,967,856,482 times and we aren't lying.

We are best friends. Duh.

We talk about life.
We bitch about everything.
Joke about everything else.
We talk with our version of Asian accents.
Listen to music.
Usually over coffee.

It isn't anything different than what we do as a group. We just don't really care for certain people all the time and therefore choose to discuss these topics on a regular basis without the other fools.

Well, that clearly means we are dating/getting it on or whatever they think is happening.

Its not. It will never happen.
End of story.

I do realize that this isn't always the case when it comes to this phenomenon.
Some of these relationships do turn into something more and I say good for them!!
But, that is not what is happening here.

Did you know there are people out there that don't like me because they think we are lying about our friendship?

It's getting ridiculous.

So ladies & (if you are out there) gents, it is possible for a guy and a girl to be JUST friends and nothing more.

I know. Your mind is blown.
Let me know if you need help finding all the pieces!

**a good portion of this post is sarcastic though it may come across differently in writing. Please note that I am aware that people already know about this phenomenon, I'm just super fed up with getting bombarded with all these stupid questions all the time. Yes, that was my rant.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Losing it.

The pants I'm wearing today make me want to be on a yacht on the East Coast.

No joke.

I'm in such a funky place these days which explains my lack of motivation to really post like I should or keep up with the 30 days of truth. I'm in the middle of 3 paintings. Some day I'll finish them.

Goodness I need a vacation.

August 14th CANNOT come soon enough.

I have some pretty amazing ladies lined up to keep you entertained while I'm away painting and enjoying time with my family.

I got some fabulous new clothes.
Retail therapy with my mom always helps.
I guess we were both feeling a little blue.

I'm working on it though.

I really just need a solid jam session in my car with my windows rolled down and me not giving two shits that I'm singing obnoxiously and most likely off key to myself while people drive by giving me glares because I'm literally bursting their ear drums.

Okay, I'm really not a bad singer.
I'm actually quite good, but don't tell anyone I ever admitted to that.

Darn it.. I forgot my mom reads.


What music do you listen to when you are in a funk? 
I could use some new stuff to learn the words to and belt in the car all alone.

Day 17

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

For those of you who haven't caught on, I'm absolutely addicted to reading. So for me to come up with a single book that changed my views on something is difficult.
One that stands out in particular is "The Art of Racing in the Rain".
If you haven't read this book yet, go out there and buy it, borrow it, whatever and read it.
I sat down with this book and 4 hours later I was done and crying.
The story is told from the dog's point of view. I'd never read a story about a person from the perspective of their pet but let me tell you it made all the difference in the world.
It opens your eyes to how any and all creatures percieve you and definitely makes you wonder if they are that aware of what happens.
It made me appreciate the blessings I have in life more so than before and I tell ya, I loved animals just a little more than I did before. :)

Sunday, July 25, 2010


I feel weird.

Yesterday I found out an acquaintance of mine died 2 months ago.

I knew without putting two and two together. I was blissfully ignorant. Now I'm just aware that another one of my friends has died far too young.

I'm really tired of such things.

Aren't I too young for me to just find out people died?
I think so.

So, the whole situation makes me feel weird.
Of course I feel bad, but I don't feel like its the end of the world.
Like I said, just weird.

I'll have more to say later. 

Friday, July 23, 2010

I'm not feeling clever enough to give this post a real title.

Remember how I said that my drive to work was eventful a couple of days ago?

Well, no one has painted the rock in 3 days. I think its because the heat we are getting right now is all but unbareable. The moment I leave my deliciously air conditioned office and step into the world oh hot every inch of me begins to sweat. Seriously, place I didn't know I could sweat do on my body. It is horrible. Doesn't help that my AC in the car is busted.

Anyways, while the rock has been rather disappointing the drive hasn't.

I discovered a pub on my way to work called "stumble inn" that I thought was clever.

I saw the big fat half naked man from the other day.
*yes, I just linked the same post twice*

But today I saw something new.

A man crossing the street with nothing but boxers on.
                   not even shoes.

He looked at me and waved. I immediately accelerated and felt the need to take 10 or so showers just because the skeezy pervy man had looked at me.

Not cool dude, not cool.

I'll blame the heat for people lack of oxygen to their brains.

If I could walk around in just my boxers.. I probably would too. Except I wouldn't be a skeezy pervy man who looked and waved at girls in cars that clearly are disgusted by me.



I burnt the crap out of my tongue yesterday.
Good to know that the thermos really does keep the coffee hot.
So now I can only taste food when it hits the back of my tongue.

I'm terrified to drink my coffee this morning.
I don't want to lose my ability to taste on the back of my tongue too!
So I'm taking the necessary precaution to avoid burning the rest of my tongue to tasteless smithereens.

 I put my lips to the thermos and feel the heat just radiating in there waiting to burn me and I don't drink it!

Garsh I'm awesome.

the coffee is taunting me with 'nana- nanah-na-na's'.
but I refuse to not

Naturally I'm all but falling asleep at my desk ...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Day 16

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

My family.
they are the best people in the entire world and despite how I feel about them on occasion I wouldn't trade them for the world. They are pretty much fabulous in all ways thinkable and you should be totally jealous of them.
If you had asked me this question like 3 years ago my answer would be the complete opposite.
I'm grateful that I'm still young enough to appreciate my family and not feel like its too late to really build up the relationships I have with them.

<3 you fam.

Day 15

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

How superficial and awful is that I'm going to say my cell phone?

I have tried but i always feel so naked when i don't have my phone and the feeling of being naked and vulnerable in public is mortifying for me.. 99.99% of the time. the other 0.01% you ask? Well, I always think about being a model for artists and that almost requires you to be naked in public.


Day 14

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I have been sitting on this for a few days (sorry about that) and I haven't come up with a darn thing. My hero is still my hero. They haven't and will never let me down despite all the dirty secrets I learn on a regular basis.

Sure I've been disappointed a few times over by people, but I never considered those to be my hero.

I wish I had a better juicier answer for your reading pleasure but I am pleased to say I don't.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A work conversation

Well its time to pack up and i've been busy working all day long when this hilariously awesome thing happens.

Boss: "Would you find the _____ sign for me?"

Me: "Front door or back door?"


Boss: "Back door."

not 15 seconds later...

Me: "That was EASY!"

Being the perv I am, I giggle all the way down the hall.


So I'm driving up to the rock today, phone out, camera on ready to snap the picture and lo and behold. It is the most boring rock of all time. Nothing good or interesting about it. I risked getting a ticket (since you can't text and drive in this state) to take this picture and it let me down! Hopefully the next 3 times I pass it it will be painted something actually worth seeing.

No offense to those that painted what is on there today...

So uhh... enjoy these kitty pictures?

Yup, lolcatz are awesome.

I feel unable to accomplish anything.
I have stopped making lists.
I haven't truly completed any tasks at work since our tournament.
I haven't been painting.
I have barely been reading.
I haven't updated the last 2 days worth of 30 days of truth.

i am such a slacker.
see, I didn't even capitalize that I up there. *sigh*

I did, however, do the dishes last night.
I don't think I've emptied the dishwasher or filled it since before my Junior year of high school.

So yay me?

I definitely need to make some progress some where.
I'm just struggling to find that starting point.

"The hardest part about writing is lifting that 10,000lb pen."

^ Apparently that is true for any and all tasks.

Did I mention I have been utterly exhausted for 5 days? there just is not enough sleep or coffee out there for me right now.

I suppose I'll be done whining now or whatever it is.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

What a drive.

I have a very short drive to work, something like 4 miles between my house and the office. So you would think it would be this uneventful drive to and from the 4 times a day I make the trip, right?


This is The Rock.

I drive by this every day on my way into work.
It always has something new painted on it.
Happy Birthdays.
Gang signs.

You name it, it has probably been painted (badly) up there.

Then I head into the "tucky" side of town..
You know, the place you are ashamed to claim since it seems to be all kinds of white trashy folk?

Well, this morning on the drive in I'm pretty sure I saw 3 walks of shame occuring.

1 a very large man with no shirt on (back fat everywhere SICK) with some shorts with the most obvious "guess what I did last night" grin on his face.

1 woman with hair going every which way, boobs bouncing in E V E R Y direction as she walked her boobs home. Her head was down hand kind of covering her eyes, was it the sun? I think not. She was walk of shaming it.

Another woman who had to be at least 57 with knockers hanging down to her knees and out for breath of fresh air from that skin tight shirt she was wearing.

Now, who is to say that these people were actually walk of shaming it.
Like I said it was on the "tucky" side of town.. this could just be normal behavior.. for them.

I dunno, but blow me away with the most ridiculous outfits and people walking down the street at 8:15am.


*edit: I actually remember one saying "you'll get murdered with (insert school name here)". it was ridiculous.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Need some techy help since I suck at this stuff.

So I'd really like to add a few things to my side bar and am requesting your help.

I want to add a little twitter button and a button for people to email me.

These are for some features I am working on for the page as well as the giveaway I am planning.

So please help! It would be so so so appreciated!

More Later today:
1. Day 14 of the 30 Days of Truth
2. Just a quick weekend update.
3. Hopefully finishing Part 2. ay yi yi!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Day 13

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus,

I wonder if you realized what you would do for a silly little girl like me  when you produced your album. I wonder if you thought about the effect you would have on me or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don't see it, but that is really okay. I am just so grateful for your music and the way it speaks to me and has gotten me out of some of the nasty situations and relationships I have been in. I love that even with all the history your music and I have together a song will come across my iPod and I still feel the need to blast your music as I drive through a residential neighborhood in the middle of the night. 

Thank you. 
You continue to save me.


Saturday, July 17, 2010

Day 12

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

My feet.
They are unattractive, big and fat. I am a whopping 5 '2" with size 9 feet, thats pretty big.
People have made jokes about buying me clown shoes, asking me if I use real water ski's or just my feet, they've been called boats.. I'm fairly certain that every big foot joke out there has been used on me.
If you have one feel free to share!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Day 11

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I get complimented on my nose and my eyelashes most often.
Apparently I have a nose people strive to have their plastic surgeons create (but it is all mine and all real) and eyelashes that girls pine for because they are naturally curly.
Now couldn't someone just simply tell me I was pretty?
Or maybe I'm not and my best attributes are those two things alone and the rest of my face is a sloppy mess.
I really hope that isn't the case.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I will never forget you. never.

Sometimes I forget how much I love my family.

Tonight was the first night I had been to my Grandpa's since he died over a year ago.

I sobbed on the way over. I don't know whether it was the angsty teen ballad playing in the background, but this wave emotion just came over me and I cried.

My Aunt was there and we figured out which key it was to get in the house and went inside.

I hadn't been in that house since February of 09. It was weird looking around and seeing things scattered about to be separated amongst the kids and grandkids. I looked into his bedroom. The room he passed in. It is filled with Christmas things, but when I walked in I just felt him all around me. Like he was hugging me again. I really needed that hug.

My Aunt and I talked for close to 2 hours about everything. My Grandpa, my family, my life, my gramps.. It was so overwhelming.

I have lost two of the most important figures in my life in the past 3 years.

I miss them. My heart aches for them.

But like my Aunt said, "It's just too hard to miss him anymore"
It's true but neither of us can help it.

I learned we are so much alike it is unreal.

I think tomorrow I might pop over to the graves of my grandpa's just to say hi.
It has been too long.

Day 10

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

There is no one I particularly want to point fingers at buuuut like so many others, there are people I wish I didn't know.

Now to choose someone in particular is really difficult. I don't really know what to say or what to do. My palms are clammy and I'm stuffing my face with goldfish truly avoiding this.

I have a few friends that I do need to let go because they just flat out aren't good people. I haven't always been a good person and now that I'm actually making an effort to be they just have to go. I haven't let them go and probably never will so that I can forever hold onto that 'bad' side of me that no longer exists.

silly right?

Sorry this is such a lame post. I just feel like this one could have turned wayy too harsh and I am not down for that.

dooo do dooo la la laaaaaaaa hum hummm huumm

I feel like singing today.

Not because I'm in this fabulous mood or anything cause I'm really not, I just feel like singing. I don't even really remember a feel good/singsongy song being on the radio on my way into the office this morning. Oh well, can't fault me for the way I feel.

Here is my shameless plug for Diary of a Fair Weather Diver. :]
Please go and check her out (her blog, not her personally, although her stick figure is quite nice ;] te he) and look(!) this is her button!


I have been so concentrated on my 30 days of truth that I have barely updated you guys on what I've been up to. I guess to give myself some credit, I have been working on my part 1 and part 2 of my horrible day and briefly updating you on my emotions. As if that is entertaining right?

I have to remind myself sometimes this is a different kind of diary. I have like 3 that I use for my stupid girly emotions that I have ALL THE DAMN TIME.


I finally got to go on my bike ride!!!

the bf came to visit on Tuesday and we went for a bike ride. I think I almost died. No joke. like half way through I was so ready to give up, but I didn't! WOOT. We drove out route yesterday and found that we rode 1.5 miles and I didn't walk it one time! So after my near death experience on the bike I realized how unbelievably out of shape I am and that I definitely need to do something about it if I don't want to gain 30lbs by the end of the year.

So I'm going to do something that is considered excercise at least 4 days a week no matter what. I also have to cut back on my portion sizes and eat better. (I feel like I do this all the time errrgg) This way i can feel healthy again and won't feel like I'm going to die after a simple bike ride.

I wish it was acceptable for me to sing in the office. *sigh* its not.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Day 09

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

My best friend. We were inseperable from 7th grade and beyond literally doing EVERYTHING together. I practically lived at her house for like 6 years. She was there for me through thick and thin and I was there for her. I'm not really sure what happened but we rarely speak anymore. I hate it. We always try to get together and catch up but it only really happens every once in a while. I miss her very much and really hope we can get back to being good friends again.

I enjoy this. :]

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Things I'm diggin' on this week...

1. The very successful Golf Tournament on Monday. :]

2. The fact that I finally went on my bike ride!

3. Pay day this week.

4. One month till my vacation to New Hampshire!

5. My paintings and the prospect of getting new canvas. :] :] :]

6. My Sister and Brother in law came home for a brief dinner on Sunday. that was FABULOUS.

7. Being barely reachable since my phone is all but dead. It is nice to have peace and quiet from the outside

8. Winning the auction for Cedar Point tickets at about $30 below what they would cost at the gate. (SO EXCITED)

9. Getting a half day on Friday because of all my hard work on Monday.

10. This amazing cheese my mom bought. So delicious.. I think its called Mexican Queso? I'm not 100% on that..

11. Coffee has seriously been my BFF this week.

and that is what I'm diggin' on.

What are you diggin' on?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Day 08

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Oh goodness, there are so many people that fall into this category. I've had a stampede of nasty people run through my life. It has quieted down considerably recently, but that doesn't change the past.
I dated a guy in high school who put me through the ringer on a daily basis. He was awful. His exgirlfriend/babymama (baby mama drama = not fun, thats a story for a different day) was awful. I just didn't realize it for almost a year. He said horrible things to me all the time, was constantly degrading and I was the moron that put up with it and took the criticism without a second glance.
Yes. I was brilliant. Obviously.
Thank god he is out of my life.

Just take 'er out back and shoot 'er. part1

I had a nightmare of a day about a week ago that literally began at midnight almost exactly when I realize my tire was unbelievably flat and it was too late to do anything about it.

So I went inside, deciding to deal with it in the morning, and attempted to sleep without much luck.

I sat up and read and wrote and worked a little.

I woke up in the morning to my dad telling me I had a flat tire (there was a ton of panic in his voice) and I needed to get up so I could "clean out my damn car otherwise he wasn't working on it!!!"

So I got up and began to get ready without any problem. It was when I hurried downstairs that the chaos began. I walked outside and began grabbing what ever I could get my paws on out of the car and just taking it in to where ever it seemed best to drop it. After what seemed like a million loads I finally asked my dad if it was clean enough for his liking (yes, I was being a little bitch and I knew it and 100% meant it... at the time)
You could tell that tensions were beginning to run high. I was running late for work and I refused to call in and say I was going to be late (hello, I'm paid hourly. Not gonna happen). So he told me I could take the van so that I could get to work. I asked him to back it out of the garage since there was no way I was going to get that boat out of our effed up drive way. (see below)

This is the horrible diagram of my driveway. feel free to ask questions if you don't understand.

As I'm standing in the driveway waiting for him to get the van out of the drive way I begin to wonder about my money issues and how in the $@&# I'm going to pay for a new tire when BLAMCRACKPOWBOOOOM!!

My tire blew.


Now I'm freaking out, my dad is freaking out and is pissed at himself (it was an accident. not much you can do about that especially with our frustration levels running on MAJOR OVERLOAD) and I unfortunately had to dip out to work before I was any more than 5 minutes late.

I was exactly 5 minutes late when i arrived to work remembering that we have a big fundraising event coming up in 4 days (not including the weekend) that we have to prep for this week so I know I will be swamped with work all week. No big deal. Just keep moving forward and getting things checked off the to-do list and all will be well (I have a sick obsession with to-do lists).

I turn on the computer and my email wouldn't work. No worries yet. Just a simple error in password..

5 minutes later

I have entered the CORRECT password at least 50 times to no avail. So I made a mental note to not scream. and restarted the computer when I heard the printer going off. I didn't press print but I could hear it beeping begging to be 'fed'. I run around the office to see if anyone was printing to the duplex and (so surprise here) everyone said no. So I went and tried to feed the multi-purpose feeder but it just kept beeping at me and wouldn't take any of the paper I was feeding it.

So I cancelled what seemed like  50 prints and went back to my office.

Things started to cool down after restarting my computer and it seemed like everything would go back to normal for the day.

I took a deep breath..

"what else could possibly go wrong today?"

... to be continued.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Day 07

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Not gonna lie, this is really tough. 

I love so many people and I feel like there are a lot of people who make life worth living for.. 

But truthfully, I'd say myself.. life is worth living because I want to live and live life to its fullest. I've had hard times and amazing times and I've made it through all of them with my head held high and an amazing sense of accomplishment. I get up in the morning for me. I work for me. I paint for me. Yes, I am proud enough with the things I do I enjoy sharing them with others, but I can't say I do it for them.

Sorry if this seems vain.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Day 06

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Honestly, I hope I never have to go to jail or sit in a trial for a loved one because they were stupid enough to do something to land them there. I think that I have a pretty sturdy head on my shoulders and I already went through my delinquent phase so I don't think this should be a real issue for me... or at least I hope not.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Day 05

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

one thing I want to do is see all 50 states by the time I turn 50. of course i want to see other places but when i heard a friends mom talking about it at work a year ago i set my mind  on that. i've only been to about 8 states so i have a lot of travelling yet to do!

1. michigan
2. ohio
3. illinois
4. florida
5. colorado
6. virginia
7. pennsylvania
8. district of colombia (does that count?)

so 7 if DC doesnt count.

*EDIT: I have also been to Wisconsin. so I really have been to 8 states! *

no words.

If my week doesn't turn around tomorrow I don't know what I'll do.

tomorrow my day will be filled with painting and thinking.

I have a lot of thinking to do.


Friday, July 9, 2010

Day 04

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

My mom helped me with this one..

"The first thing that comes to mind for me is your Sunday School experience… Someone trying to teach, yet offended and turned you “off.” Whether the person was right, wrong or indifferent, the intent was never to make you angry or to turn you away. Conform to their way of thinking possibly, but never to hurt."

I have had issues with religion for a very long time. One of them stemmed from a Sunday School teacher I had who called me something that made me deter away from the path I was on.

 I was called a deist.

(I was also an angsty teen who wasn't anything other than what I proclaimed myself to be.)

 A deist is someone who takes faith and interprets it in their own way. But it is more of a durogatory term than anything else. If you think about it, everyone is a "diest" in their own way.

I rarely went back to that classroom after that.
and started to really questioning my faith.

I know now that without that Sunday School teacher calling me that when I was younger I wouldn't have been able to have the journey I'm on right now.

However, I'm still working on the forgiveness. I have been for 5 years. Slowly, but surely, the forgiveness is coming to me one day at a time.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I may have peed a little.

This week has been wild.

I had a HORRIBLE day on Tuesday (I have a two parter post coming up about it, i promise)
Wednesday was pretty normal.
Today was mehhh.

So I had a procedure done 2 weeks ago that has left me in an interesting predicament.

I constantly have to pee.
Not only that peeing is unbearably uncomfortable 100% of the time and I'm averaging 2.5 pees an hour (yes, 0.5) so you can imagine it is painful.

I went to the doctor for my follow up today and presented my delightful situation to the doctor only to get weird looks from her that clearly were saying screaming "OH SHIT WHAT DID I DO?"

So I was sent to the hospital to get an ultra sound.

They require you to have a full bladder so I was ordered to drink as much water as possible while I waited to go in.

Now you have to understand I had to give that delightful little urine sample and not 10 minutes later was my bladder full. But I was a good patient and snagged a water bottle from a gas station and huried my tush home so my mom could take me to the hospital.

By the time I got there I was so uncomfortable my mom offered me a cork so I would be okay.

"Do you think you could just go and let a little bit out"


So what seemed like a million hours later (probably a half hour) they took me down to a room to be poked and prodded by the ultra sound tech who pressed down on my bladder for a solid 15 minutes. Told me to go relieve myself with horrible directions to the bathroom (I ended up in a broom closet first) then went back for ultrasound numero dos. The one where they get all up in you.

"You say you are having frequent trips to the bathroom?"

"yeah why?"

"I can see your bladder is already pretty full"


I went home without any kind of diagnosis other than my procedure may need a little adjustment and to wait to hear about my results tomorrow.

I swear my mom and I hit every red light and bump physically possible on the way home. It was like my mom was looking for the biggest bumpiest hole she could find to hit to make my bladder miserable. Of course she wasn't, but of course we joked about it in the car.

Yeah, I have an awesome mommy. :]

So tomorrow I will hopefully have some kind of diagnosis for my bladder issues.
Fingers crossed!

Anyways, we are prepping for a big tournament at the office this week and it has been CRAZY busy all week. Hopefully we finish prepping tomorrow and don't have to work this weekend.. Although, I wouldn't mine some over time. ;)

Day 03.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I'm sorry I left so early from the dinner I was at the last time I saw you alive.
I've felt as though I've blown off my family for my friends far too many times.
Especially now.
I'm sorry I didn't come sooner when you were in the hospital and I'm even more sorry that I didn't stay to say how much I love you and good bye.
I'm sorry I haven't laid flowers on your grave recently or had a real conversation with you in so long. I've been struggling to forgive myself for these things but it is hard when I can't help but think the what if's that everyone goes through.
It will be 3 years since you've been gone in October.
I still haven't forgiven myself for not being there.
But I will.
I know you want me to.
I love and miss you so so so much Gramps.
It isn't fair.
-your punkin' seed.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Day 02

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

It is so easy to pick out all of my own flaws and things I dislike about myself but I'm sitting here trying to come up with what I love about myself and I am drawing a big ol' blank.
Sure, there are plenty of things I like by about my self.. but I don't know that I necessarily love these things. Alright, I guess I'll choose this..
I love that I have the ability to read people. I like that I can (usually) tell what people are thinking about me and their surroundings. It is nice to have a little bit of a heads up out there so that I have another way of protecting myself from people who mean to do harm.
Even now I wonder if I really love that about myself.. Maybe it is a blessing and a curse?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Day 1.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Wow.. There are lots of things that I don't like about myself..

I think I'll pick on the fact that I'm a slob my life is completely disorganized. From my room, to my bathroom, to my car everything is in constant disarray. It is very frustrating and unnerving to say the least but everytime I get around to cleaning, I find myself distracted or hating the thought of doing anything. My two worst attributes (lazy and disorganized) are working against each other in a very unproductive way.

The fact of the matter is I am just lazy. And just as soon as I have cleaned and organized my stuff, it is all but back to being chaos.

I think this is one reason my mind is so restless all the time. It cannot concentrate with all the clutter.

broke as a joke.

Okay so I'm broke.
I have another bill due Wednesday.

and I have a freaking FLAT TIRE.

How could this get any better?????????

HMM.... possibly selling my soul tomorrow just to pay my bills and get a tire.
Great. Great. Great.

I really need another job.

This is really the kicker to my weekend.
No more spending money.
That is my new mantra.

Friday, July 2, 2010


Well  it is finally that time of year..

The time when I set aside any and everything I am reading to pick up my most favorite books of ALL TIME.


what what?!

Yeah, for the next 30 or so days I will be re-reading the books like its my job. I love these books and how every time I read the series I discover something new.

You'll notice I added a page called I dig reading.

It gives you the list of books I've read (starting with my 20th birthday), what I'm currently reading, what is up next and what has been put on the back burner. I even put a tiny little diddy about what I thought of the book. If anyone wants me to elaborate further on any of the books please ask! I will gladly tell you what I thought of the book.

Also, I am VERY open to suggestions. I have 997 books left to read before I turn 30!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Dear Cooking.. Lets kiss and make up? shall we?

My parents left for up north last weekend. I left for the southern part of the state that same Friday.

I came home Sunday, ready for bed.

I wake up Monday morning bright and early to go about my routine as I do every day. I'm pretty carefree enjoying the ability to be able to walk around in what ever article of clothing I choose without worrying about some one seeing me. What a liberating feeling.

I grabbed my granola bar before heading out the door to work.

Little did I realize how precious that granola bar would become...

I worked through to lunch dreaming of the endless possibilities of food I could be having at home.. Although if you know me you know I was just dreaming about pasta because that is all I ever want to eat. (I've been like that forever. I'm surprised I'm not a noodle!)

I got home and boiled my water and took out the package containing the noodles. It was all but gone but there was no panic there.

"There will be more pasta downstairs, no fretting." I thought to myself.

I made my food ate and took off for work.

Upon returning home I noticed my stomach had began grumbling again telling me I should consider dinner soon before I turned into an angry hungry monster. I went to the pantry in the basement, which is frightening to say the least. Even if all the lights are on in the basement you still can't see two inches in front of you once you begin the long walk down the hall to the pantry. I waved my hand in the air like a lunatic frantically trying to find the pull string to turn the light on so I could avoid being eaten by the basement spiders. I turned the light on and saw the most horrific thing in the world...

(Now to understand this you must know that I cannot cook to save my life. I can make 1 casserole and pasta. The casserole is a pasta casserolle. I mean seriously, I try to cook other things and I end up burning it or under cooking it.. So obnoxious. I will be learning how to cook this year though. I am determined to be able to make a delicious non pasta meal for everyone!

Back to the story..)

I looked around me and all i saw was things to cook with. Nothing that had real substance on its own. My head spun, I felt dizzy and cold and suddenly very okay with being eaten by spiders..

I was foodless.

(cue scary music and schocked home alone face.)

dun.. dun.. dun..!!!

What could I do? I was all of sudden famished in panic mode working my way to a serious panic attack.

How could they do this to me? My own Mother? My own Father? They left me here to starve. I wonder how guilty they will feel coming home to my starved corpse laying on the floor in front of our refrigerator...


I guess I could do what I was avoiding and buy food but that doesn't really play into my whole saving money plan so I sat my stubborn tuckus down and tried to reason with myself that I could cook and that it wasn't a big deal.

I was paralyzed by my stubborness until my stomach punched my in the ribs and was all

Well, I listened fearing another punch and had dinner.

I knew I was coming home to more no food but my content tummy made me not care in the least.

The next day I had a similar dilemma.
No food.
Don't want to buy food.

I snacked like it was my job to make sure I had enough to get me through the day.

Then a miracle happened...

My Grandma called and invited me to dinner.

HALLE - Freakin' - LUJAH!!!

I was saved.

I went out to dinner with the Ferguson women.
Interesting bunch.

Apparently the one weird cousin we have lives two doors down.
I mean she is probably the weirdest lady I have ever met and so so so judgemental about EVERYTHING.
Very pretentious. Very... I'm so much better than you. 150% of the time.

Some how I managed to get over that and enjoy my free meal.

Then, as if I wasn't happy enough God was like my BFF..

"You have dinner plans tomorrow?" My grandma said.

I grinned a wide grin and saw that my prayers were being answered.

"Yes I do, I'm coming to your house for dinner!"

And that is what I did.

I mooched off my Grandma for two days..

Lunch today should be interesting. Mom & Dad are supposed to be back today so maybe tonight I won't have to worry about where I'm getting food.

My mom is in trouble with my grandma too.. How dare she leave her baby at home with no food!!!!!!
Yeah mom, you heard me. BIG OL' TROUBLE. :] *shifty eyes/mischevious look*

So, yeah.. Moral of the story?