A terrible situation made funny by texting.

I was going to write this great thing about how much I love food and the weird habits I have when it comes to eating.. but, without fail, my life has handed my another sick and devious hand in the card game of life.

My car was broken into last night.
In my own driveway.

I feel so violated.

I feel threatened.

Of course, the police can't do anything until after 12noon today. So I was late to work for nothing. It is unlikely I'll even really need the police report and am just out $300 worth of equipment.

And work isn't working (hah) out the way it ought to, printers are jamming, My list is just growing by the minute with things to do, I need a break. But really people, knowing me you know that this is how my life goes every day. It's just one slap in the face after the other with a few funny things happening in between.

A few months back C also had his car broken into.
He had quite a bit of stuff stolen out of his car too. I don't remember the exact amount, but around the same amount as mine.

Our conversation this morning went a little like this...

C: do you ever have one of those nights where you remember your dreams being really awesome, yet in the morning you cant remember a single one?

E: Yup. My car got broken into. (Notice how I just jump into this, probably should ask about the dream thing at some point.)

C: EFFFFFF at your house?

E: Yes.

C: did they take anything?

E: All of my music stuff and my $5 in change (for emergencies, duh)

C: Wow what dicks. I'm sorry.

E: Yup. I'm frackin' furious.

C: so they got your ipod and radio?

E: Ipod, tape deck charger. They would have had to rip my radio [out of the dash]

C: I'll kill the mricker frickers.

E: Right?

C: I'm serious.

E: So am I. we can be each others alibi

C: I'll get this one and flee to Mexico

E: Okay

E: I vote we go in it together. Mexico would be boring without me there. Duh.

C: but seriously. I hate [place we are from] sometimes. instead of stealing those buttcracks should just get jobs.

E: 100% agreed.

C: you would have to change your name. but yeah, i would love to flee to mexico with you.

E: why would I change my name?

C: think Spanish. your name can't be "ella". well, i guess it could. i guess its up to you. but if we are fleeing, we might wanna change our names.

E: You change your name, I'll stick with mine, people will be so confused by ella that they'll never find me!!

C: Oh man, what would my name be?

E: hmmm.. something clever that sounds like a name but would confuse everyone.

C: Chris sanchez

E: No like vaca or bato or something. duh.

C: how about Gato Enfuego

E; Cat what?

C: on fire

E: L.O.L

C: please don't laugh at my stupid jokes. it just encourages me.

E: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (for 160 characters)

C: bajajajajajajajajaja

E: Oh good! You are practicing (laughing) for Mexico!

C: nope, practicing the laugh im gonna use when i murder who stole your ipod.

E: niiiice.

Okay so the naughty words were changed for cleaner versions. Seriously was dropping some bad language today, but I'm alotted that on an occasion such as this.. My mother is currently thinking to herself, 'what is your excuse every other time?'

Well, I'm off to see what I can do about getting a police report filed and possibly getting my money back from all that was stolen. Unlikely to happen, but worth a shot.

I hope everyone's day is a thousand times better than mine has been!

This really is typical behavior. For me at least.

So my best friend and I work the same schedules (at different places) sometimes and the only way we get through the horribly long morning is by texting.

Usually, our conversations are short and sweet, other times they are ridiculous.

For whatever reason, I find this morning's conversation particularly hilarious and have decided to share it with you.

You're Welcome.

First, a little background information..

My friend got married a little over a year ago and for the first time in like 5 years I had a piece of cake. I haven't stopped craving sweets all day every day. I want chocolate all day long. I long for swedish fish every time I pass them or someone mentions fishing (I work for the Boy Scouts, so you see my dilemma with this) I try every cake presented to me, etc.. etc..

Recently, I've been trying to save money and have decided one way I'm going to do so is by not having to by new jeans come winter time. This means I have to lose a few pounds and cut a few inchs off my waist. I'm not fat by any means, I just am really poor and will, apparently, do anything to save a couple dollars.

So this morning C (what we shall call him) and I are texting away...

C: [writes stuff that doesn't pertain to this post] oh man, somone brought in donuts. im avoiding them but they look immaculate.

E: Bring me one.

C: ok

E: Wait! I cand eat that n

E: *cant eat the nonsense. I'm trying to look hot again remember.

E:  Sorry my fingers got all send happy on that first one.

C:  I could tell lol. trying to look hot...yeah good luck

E: F*** you. Ar you saying it can't be done?

C: i would already think you were super hot... if you werent a dude

E: Lol!

C: truth

E: Meh. Not even offended.

C: Haha. Take it as a compiment                             <---- that is 100% accurate to his spelling.

E: A compiment? Oh C* yew soh gooh at sperring

C: ah tanks erra. you nah you rove meh

E: Yew keehhp terring yewserf thah.

C: aw shrit :(

E: Since when us the and L in shit?

C: huh ahah

E: I am apparently drunk at work.. or honing in on my [not giving name] drugged up language.

E: *since when IS THERE AN L in shit? Betteh?

C: i so confrused

C: but dehr isnt an ehr in shrit

E: We substitues R's for L's. Put two and two together.

C: awwww i understand naooo. you so funry

E: Do we just add r's where ever now

C: mraybrey.

E: K. Again. Brogposs                          <-- We talk about this blog and you guys all the time! Feel special!

C: jaja

E: Why are we substituting ramdome letters for everything now?!

C: that was spanish

E: Msguwj translate that

C: ella thats inappropriate to say that to me

E: How so

C: I translated...inappropriate

E: umm what did it say fooh?


Can't make this stuff up people.

Yes so, we frequently text and talk in asian accents (our interpretation, not supposed to be hurtful and usually turns into something else or laughter) and say nonsense things.

Thats normal right?


We have possibly the weirdest conversations.

and if you are really nice good little readers, someday I'll share more with you. mraybrey.