Thursday, July 1, 2010

Dear Cooking.. Lets kiss and make up? shall we?

My parents left for up north last weekend. I left for the southern part of the state that same Friday.

I came home Sunday, ready for bed.

I wake up Monday morning bright and early to go about my routine as I do every day. I'm pretty carefree enjoying the ability to be able to walk around in what ever article of clothing I choose without worrying about some one seeing me. What a liberating feeling.

I grabbed my granola bar before heading out the door to work.

Little did I realize how precious that granola bar would become...

I worked through to lunch dreaming of the endless possibilities of food I could be having at home.. Although if you know me you know I was just dreaming about pasta because that is all I ever want to eat. (I've been like that forever. I'm surprised I'm not a noodle!)

I got home and boiled my water and took out the package containing the noodles. It was all but gone but there was no panic there.

"There will be more pasta downstairs, no fretting." I thought to myself.

I made my food ate and took off for work.

Upon returning home I noticed my stomach had began grumbling again telling me I should consider dinner soon before I turned into an angry hungry monster. I went to the pantry in the basement, which is frightening to say the least. Even if all the lights are on in the basement you still can't see two inches in front of you once you begin the long walk down the hall to the pantry. I waved my hand in the air like a lunatic frantically trying to find the pull string to turn the light on so I could avoid being eaten by the basement spiders. I turned the light on and saw the most horrific thing in the world...

(Now to understand this you must know that I cannot cook to save my life. I can make 1 casserole and pasta. The casserole is a pasta casserolle. I mean seriously, I try to cook other things and I end up burning it or under cooking it.. So obnoxious. I will be learning how to cook this year though. I am determined to be able to make a delicious non pasta meal for everyone!

Back to the story..)

I looked around me and all i saw was things to cook with. Nothing that had real substance on its own. My head spun, I felt dizzy and cold and suddenly very okay with being eaten by spiders..

I was foodless.

(cue scary music and schocked home alone face.)

dun.. dun.. dun..!!!

What could I do? I was all of sudden famished in panic mode working my way to a serious panic attack.

How could they do this to me? My own Mother? My own Father? They left me here to starve. I wonder how guilty they will feel coming home to my starved corpse laying on the floor in front of our refrigerator...


I guess I could do what I was avoiding and buy food but that doesn't really play into my whole saving money plan so I sat my stubborn tuckus down and tried to reason with myself that I could cook and that it wasn't a big deal.

I was paralyzed by my stubborness until my stomach punched my in the ribs and was all

Well, I listened fearing another punch and had dinner.

I knew I was coming home to more no food but my content tummy made me not care in the least.

The next day I had a similar dilemma.
No food.
Don't want to buy food.

I snacked like it was my job to make sure I had enough to get me through the day.

Then a miracle happened...

My Grandma called and invited me to dinner.

HALLE - Freakin' - LUJAH!!!

I was saved.

I went out to dinner with the Ferguson women.
Interesting bunch.

Apparently the one weird cousin we have lives two doors down.
I mean she is probably the weirdest lady I have ever met and so so so judgemental about EVERYTHING.
Very pretentious. Very... I'm so much better than you. 150% of the time.

Some how I managed to get over that and enjoy my free meal.

Then, as if I wasn't happy enough God was like my BFF..

"You have dinner plans tomorrow?" My grandma said.

I grinned a wide grin and saw that my prayers were being answered.

"Yes I do, I'm coming to your house for dinner!"

And that is what I did.

I mooched off my Grandma for two days..

Lunch today should be interesting. Mom & Dad are supposed to be back today so maybe tonight I won't have to worry about where I'm getting food.

My mom is in trouble with my grandma too.. How dare she leave her baby at home with no food!!!!!!
Yeah mom, you heard me. BIG OL' TROUBLE. :] *shifty eyes/mischevious look*

So, yeah.. Moral of the story?



  1. So brave. Such a fighter! Making it through that horrible ordeal. Cooking's not hard.

  2. I love to cook!! But when my parents aren't home I find it so hard all of a sudden and every bit of cooking knowledge I have leaves me completely!

    But maybe you should definitely learn to cook :)

  3. Best: People keep telling me cooking isn't hard but I still manage to burn a sandwich that requires no cooking. Someday.

    Kiah: My Grandma has agreed to take on the crazy role of teacher. She is a brave lady.