Like so many others, a crap ton of my friends are pregnant.
Today, a good friend of mine found out she was having a little boy. We oohed and aahed over her ultrasound and even got a look at the money shot. We were just in baby heaven. So, we headed over to Barnes & Noble (not a big fan, I'd much rather be at Border's) to check out baby names.
Sitting in the baby section looking at all these books a girl that my friends knew came over to chat with us.. I learned more about this girl in 15 minutes than anyone might learn on a first date or in an online profile. (Which, is becoming increasingly more informational, dangerous.)
Some how in all these conversations girls dirty little secrets come out...
Blonde: Yeah, you remember me in high school, how tiny I was?
Friend #1: Yeah, super skinny.
Friend #2: Didn't you have anorexia?
Me: *stifles clearly not shocked giggle*
Blonde: Yeah, I still struggle, I'm now on a no carb diet. But it sucks cause I really want a bagel.
Me: So eat a bagel.
Blonde: I can't I've gained 4 pounds in 2 months.
Now, I don't know about you, but I'm fairly certain I gain 4 pounds a week. Granted, I try to eat well, and try to move around as to not keep it on, but come on... 4 pounds? In 2 months? I know girls that would kill-a-bitch for that kind of weight gain.
Friend #1: I'm fairly certain I gain 10 pounds a month. So.. just eat a bagel.
Blonde: See her, you think she doesn't have an eating disorder
*points to (i think) her sister*
Friend #2: Didn't you throw up too?
Blonde: NO.
Friend #2: I know for a fact you did, twice.
Blonde: Ummmmmm... I think I know what I did to my own body.
Friend #2: I know you did, you threw up.
I sprang into action desperately seeking anything to stop the argument that was commencing in front of me. I turned my head to the educational kids section and...
Me: HEY LOOK! A book about the Human Body.. Oh wait.. bad choice.. Uhhh ummm.. BUGS! Look a book about BUGS!
[Insert hysterical laughter]
Thank god I have impecable timing. Although inappropriate to the argument, totally a hilarious on the dumb to funny scale.
Blonde: Why is she crying?
Friend #2: OHMYGOD, are you okay? Why are you crying?
Me: Because I can't get over how funny I am
*wipes away tears*
Oh boy.
Just another day in the life.
In other news, we now think that we are naming said baby Elijah Robert. Too cute.
Although, I still think Habakuk is a solid name.
Just kidding...... Kind of.
Okay, I forgot to disclaimer this..
ReplyDeleteMy memory isn't top notch, so this is just the general gist of what was said. I mean, what I said is 100% dead on, but the rest I kind of reworded by what I remember being said.
Enjoy.
Hey Ella - Sorry it's taken me so long to get over here. Anyway love your blog!! This story is hilarious! The whole time I couldn't stop thinking, 4 lbs in 2 months?? I gain 4 lbs a day!! No word of a lie.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I really appreciate you checkin' it out. It means the world to me.
ReplyDelete