Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I should have been a trucker or a sailor.

From the time I realized I could drive, I wanted to.

To be out on the open road, wind in my hair, experiencing freedom like I had never had..

Yeah, like every other American teenager, I wanted my license more than anything else.. other than, perhaps, a car.

Of course, I wasn't very good about driving when I had my permit. I didn't want to. It was snowy and a girl from my high school had just died in a car accident. I was freaked the eff out.  BUT... My parents still made me drive. I had to get some experience.. right?

Then.. it happened.  I turned 16 I got my license.

I was ready to drive..

I was on the road, experiencing the ultimate freedom (in my mind okay?) I was at peace with anything and everything around me. No fights were going to go unforgiven, I had found a cure for cancer, the war was over, I was in a state of Nirvana like no (hu)man had ever experienced.

and then some jack ass cut me off and it was game over.

You know in the movie Mean Girls how Cady has those weird little animal fantasies? Well, I was in that zone.. Apparently honing my inner gorilla and just absolutely lost it.

I was shouting profanities left and right, flippin' the bird, trying to decide whether following him was a good idea or not and of course what I would say to the mthfckr if I did..

It was over. This guy ruined my peace of mind. My sanity (apparently).

Now when I'm on the road and someone cuts me off I shout at the top of my lungs (as if they can hear me) every nasty word I can think of as well as some pointers on how to ACTUALLY FLIPPIN' DRIVE. C has been apart of these phone calls, he can atest to the crazy I am out on the road.

I have yelled at many a car and have made it impossible for many more cars to pass me.. but I will say, I have never actually acted on my road rage. I've seen the accidents they cause and the lives that are lost just because someone got angry. I keep that in the back of my mind as I remind myself that ramming my car into his bumper will do no one any good.

Ye be warned, stay away from my craziness on the road!

Well, I know I'm not the only one out there with this issue...

What are your stories? Are you actually a peaceful driver?


  1. I was a freak of nature at 16 because i couldn't care less about getting my license. I fully intend to be rich enough to have a limo driver someday (think driving miss daisy with a bitchy hot chick), so why should i learn how to drive.

  2. Ohmygod, I am the scariest white chick driver I know. For instance, I kind of sort of maybe okayidid followed a car five miles past my house because they cut me off and almost got me FUCKING KILLED so I just wanted to make sure they knew I was SUPER pissed. And yeah, I could have been murdered doing that, but hey.. it's the principle of the thing, right?

  3. Coyote - I had that image in my head too. But then I road in a limo and realized I could get from point A to point B a lot faster on my own. hehe!

    Sara - I too have done that. I am also guilty driving behind vans that have movies playing in them just so I could watch them. I followed a van almost all the way home once because they were watching Aladdin and it had been years since I'd seen it. I of course insert my own text and kept driving. How i didn't die in the course of driving and singing a whole new world at the top of my lungs is still a mystery..