Friday, September 3, 2010

Wood. Its inapprop.

As most people know and understand, New Englanders have a wicked accent (varies depending on where you are).

I absolutely adore said accent.
It makes me blush, makes me laugh and makes me want to talk to EVERYONE within 100 feet of me.

One chat I had sticks out in my mind because it was quite hysterical and all 15 of us staying at the house laughed about it for a LONG time.

I was on my way back from Portsmouth NH (Absolutely beautiful, do yourself a favor and go there) with my Sissy, Brohem, Cousin and her husband when we decided "hey lets have a bonfire tonight"

So what do you always need when you have a bonfire or campfire?


We didn't think there would be much firewood around the house we were staying and didn't think it would be a good idea to chop any of the trees down so our only option was to stop somewhere to ask where we could get firewood.

There wasn't much of anything in the little teeny tiny village we were staying in, it was the kind of place where EVERYTHING closed at 6pm.

So we stopped at a Rite Aid on the way home. We didn't see any firewood outside of the store and being the baby of the family, I was forced to go inside to inquire about firewood.

Me - "Excuse me, Do you have any firewood?"

Clerk - "Fiyahwood*? I don think we have any fiyawood."

Me - "Oh, well could you possibly tell me a place we could stop to get some?"

Clerk - "lemme think heyah**  .. oh I know who can give you some wood, Do yah got cellphone?"

Me - "Yes...?"

Clerk - "Alright, well I'm gonna write down a numbah for yew, The guys name is Powl*** and he can get you wood."

Me - "uhh.."

Clerk - "Powl gave me wood a few yeaas**** ago, real noice kid, yew should give 'im a cowl***** Powl will help you get wood. He is just sucha noice yung man. Likes to help others no matter what, yew should definitely cowl Powl."

Me - "Thanks, yeah, I'll give Paul a buzz....."

Clerk - "Powl will give you all the wood yew need. He gives wood to the whole town."

I could continue, but I think you understand why this conversation was hysterical. If you don't here are some key points..

  1. Paul gives wood to everyone all over town
  2. Paul will be more than willing to give me wood
  3. She actually gave me this guys number
  4. AND wouldn't stop saying the word "wood"
I felt violated in New Hampshire. And I do a mean New England accent when called upon to retell said story.

Anywood, we left and not 30 seconds later came across a gas station that had fire wood.

Needless to say...

We didn't call Powl.

*Fiyahwood - Firewood
** heyah - here
*** Powl - Paul
****yeaas - years
*****cowl - Call


  1. This is HILARIOUS! Possibly the funniest thing I've read on your blog. Thanks for the laugh, love!

  2. Are you sure this Powl was going to give you wood not weed? Cause that sounds more like a drug dealer thing than a lumberjack

  3. I adore accents, obviously. I want Powl's number.

  4. Amazingly I understood all of this. Sounds a little like Hootervillians. Course I have an accent too.. so Ive been told.