My grandma is a funny lady. She gets even funnier as she gets older. It makes family vacations and the dinners I have with her that much more amazing.
Out in New Hampshire we had quite a few conversations about many weird things.
Actually, come to think of it, I had a lot of weird conversations out in New Hampshire. I guess that is just part of my all star charm. dontjudgeme.
One day, my grandma and I were on our way down to the beach to swim with my eldest cousin and her baby.
WAIT, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's try this again..
Now, to understand the conversation we had you need a little background information.. Like.. I haven't bought a bathing suit in 3 years. 3 YEARS. So, obvs I didn't have one packed for New Hampshire. I don't even own one that fits. Welp, my sister said she brought an extra that I could use. No worries right? Well, the perfect day came about to go swimming and I took a look at that bathing suit and thought for sure it wouldn't fit me... considering my sister is WAY more blessed than me. I mean, there isn't even a comparison. BUT when I looked at the bathing suit, my immediate reaction "THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS GOING TO FIT MY ASS" (It looked too big yo)
So I took my parents car and drove to Wal *YUCK* and attempted to find a bathing suit. All I could find were bottoms. So I went to the counter..
"So, do we like, bring up the bottoms and you hand us the top or are you just out of tops?"
"snickers... We are just out of tops"
"So I'm going topless.. great."
So I left and headed back to the house bathing suitless and pretty peeved that I was just going to watch them swim and enjoy themselves.
Grandma - "Didja get a bathing suit Ellie?" (My entire family calls me Ellie, don't hate on it)
Me - "No, they only had bottoms. So I would've had to go topless."
Grandma - "So you got some bottoms?"
Me - "No Grandma. I didn't get anything because I would have had to go topless."
Grandma - "What's wrong with going topless? You should just go topless. Its not like no one here has seen 'girls' before"
Me - *crickets*
Grandma - "Seriously, I don't see the problem with it. You should just go topless."
Me - "I'm going to give Sissy's bathing suit a try"
Grandma - "Okay, I'll wait here for you."
So amazingly enough, the bathing suit did fit my tushy and my bosom. I walked my happy ass out the door with my grandma by my side only to have this conversation...
Grandma - "I see the bathing suit fits"
Me - "Yeah, I guess my butt is bigger than I thought."
Grandma - "You get that from me. I have a BIG BUTT. Nothing to be ashamed of"
Me - "I know I got from you, no one on dad's side has much of a butt."
Grandma - "Be grateful, boys LOVE big butts. I hear about that all the time. Big butts are a good thing these days. Do boys say anything to you about your butt?"
Me - (as if this is the most natural conversation I have ever had with her..) "Grandma, you should hear what these boys say about my butt! They just LOVE it. I mean, they call it a bubble butt, a fine specimen, you name it, I've apparently got it."
Grandma - "Well at least I know I did one thing right by you."
Yes. That is 100% the truth.
My grandma and I talked about boys liking big butts.
Weird right?
Stay tuned for what I promised from part 2 and another conversation post (the convo post to be shared later today) .
That is absolutely hilarious. Where are you originally from? I just noticed that you call your sister Sissie and I've always heard that it's a Southern thing for kids to call their siblings "Sister" and "Brother". My fiancee always calls his sister Sis.
ReplyDeleteI'm from Michigan, born & raised and only *kind of* proud of it.
ReplyDeleteI call my sister sissy because when I was little I couldn't pronounce her real name.
My parents actually had a book made for me when I was little where I was a mermaid princess and so was my sister, I'm referred to as Ellie and she is Sissy. (Her name is Libby)
So yeah, I'm a midwesterner. (BOO)
WTF??! Can you ask your parents if they'll adopt me? I'm pretty pissed off that my mom didn't make me into a mermaid princess character. : (
ReplyDeleteI will definitely ask my parents to adopt you. And no worries about the swearing.. They are totally used to it no thanks to me.
ReplyDeleteI have got to find that book and take some pics and get them up here. It is amazing.
How did I get screwed out of my own book? I'm starting a support group.
ReplyDeleteThis is so awesome. I love your grandma. I have a huge ass too but no ONE and especially not my grandmother has ever told me to swim topless! haha
ReplyDeleteYou should write another book about yourself for sure.
Topless IS the way to go!! In Spain at least, and I wish my grandma was as cool as yours, she would tell me to cover up, buy a one piece or just stay indoors.
ReplyDelete