The Beginning:
Sunday night, right around 8 oclock, outside of Starbucks (cause I'm that girl) reading Eat, Pray, Love on the verge of tears. It is cold and dark with very little lighting. I'm feeling very much like Elizabeth Gilbert at the beginning of her journey when she is absolutely miserable where she is. I'm crying at all hours of the night and sometimes day, I'm not happy all the time, but some of the time. It just isn't a good place for me to be me in my life.. Or maybe I'm just back to looking for me. I'm starting to read about her journey into India (part 2 in the book, or of the trinity) when I look up and find myself in serious need of something.. Anything to remind me that its going to be okay. Somehow, I am Liz, on the bathroom floor, asking for what to do, only I'm outside of Starbucks and in the cold.
That's when my epiphany happens...
It played out a little like this..
There was music playing all the while I sat outside. I ignored it for the most part except for the occasional high note that was just a bit louder than the rest of the song. I stop for a brief moment to take a deep breath and gather my surroundings and to decide if it is a little too dark to stay up here thats when I hear it..
"2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake"
Something triggers in my head..
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake, I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season"
The lights turn on outside of Starbucks...
"Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes"
Two gentlemen walk by me in silence..
"Like they have any right at all to criticize"
One looks back to look at the girl, sitting in the cold.
"Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason"
Suddenly, I'm not cold anymore.
"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable"
I close my eyes.
"And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table"
I hear something surrounding me.
"No one can find the rewind button, girl."
Its me singing..
"So cradle your head in your hands"
I know this song..
"And breathe... just breathe,"
And then, I get my answer.
"Oh breathe"
The one I've been asking for all along..
"just breathe"
Love it! Glad it finally came to you. It often happens when we least expect it. Cheers!
ReplyDeletePampered Patty
Sometimes it really is that simple. And sometimes that is all that you can do.
ReplyDeleteI had a mini breakdown before I realized that what I needed to do was leave Colorado. I was waking up every morning at 4 am and I would sit in my car for two hours with my eyes closed taking deep breaths and imagining myself driving away from Colorado for good.
When I actually got in my car and drive away from Colorado it was the most liberating feeling of my life.
This makes me feel like crying a bit. I feel so similar to what you express here a lot lately, but your epiphany was wise. Thank-you :)
ReplyDeleteA change of some sort will help. That hopeless depth you're describing is stagnation... change something.
ReplyDelete