June 3, 2009.

A year ago today, I lost a hero.


My Grandpa.

He was and still is an amazing man who continues to touch the lives of all who knew him and who hear of him.

He had this way to make all of his children and grandchildren feel special in their own way.

Any of the girls in my family will agree with me that he loved to tease us in the kindest way...

"Boy, you sure are beautiful, now make sure you don't miss out on any of your beauty sleep!"

So many phrases. So many hugs.
Just not enough.

My mom called him papason.
He loved that.

He had a knack for showing up on time 2 hours early for every family even we ever hosted. 99.99% of the time mom and I would not be even remotely ready and it would frustrate the hell out of us. But he was so helpful mashing our potatoes.

I think I mentioned how he made everyone feel special? right?
Well, he really did.
I heard stories at the funeral home from people I'd never even heard of that said that my Grandfather had a tremendous impact on their lives. He left HUGE shoes to fill, and I'm fairly certain is going to take my entire family to fill them. We will do it. It is in our blood, because of him.

I miss him dearly and wish I had spent more time with him and still could spend more time with him.

My head really isn't clear today. I haven't been able to shake this overwhelming sense of sadness. My heart aches with the loss of my hero.

He was a soldier.
That's how he met my Grandma.
They met on a train.
Wrote letters while he was over seas.
And married when he got home.
5 Children and 11 Grandchildren later he lead a beautiful existence with his wonderful wife.
He had a fairytale romance that stayed till the very end.
I was told all he was worrying about the night before was 'ma'.
It is enough to make anyone cry.
Especially me.

As I lay here typing this and carefully wiping away my tears of joy and sadness, I want to celebrate his life. I'm still trying to figure out how, but I will continue to do so every day until the day I get to see him again.

There are so many stories to tell. So many 'words to the wise' that I would love to share with you. I will someday. I have to compile my list first.


For now, I'm going to drift off into dreamland and hope I get to see him and take a walk with him in my dream. Those are really my favorite dreams.

I love you Grandpa T.
I'll miss you everyday until I see you again.

He loves me, He loves me not, HE LOVES ME!

Today I went to my favorite store in the whole world.

Meijer.

This superstore is just beyond my wildest dreams. I am hopelessly in love with its wide variety and its low prices. My heart flutters from the very thought of it. All its different shapes and sizes, its vast selections of everything you could ever need. I swear, its like I die and go to heaven every time I put my car into park and march through those automatic doors only to gaze in on the glory that is this superstore.

Walmart?
NO THANK YOU.

A run of the mill grocery store?
I think not.

Yes, I would write the store love letters if I didn't think people would try to put me away..

Whenever I feel restless I take it out in Meijer. I live within ten miles of at least 3 Meijers, all of which are 100% different and only one is truly questionable, but still one of the objects of my desire.

If my Mac had paint, I would totally doodle little hearts all over this picture. But, I'm still working out the kinks. Hehe.


Here are my top 10 favorite things to get at Meijer:

10. Toothpaste; yes, I realize that you can get this any number of place but for some reason it is so much more appealing here with all the little tags underneath telling me how much I save.

9. Magazines; I swear I never look at magazines unless I am going through the self check out at meijer (self checkout is the best thing that has ever happened to the shopping industry btw). Then I am all about going over who is pregnant with who's baby, OHEMGEE SHE DID WHAT?, Ugh, her plastic surgery is awful.. etc..

8. Bobby Pins; I mean seriously, $0.70 for 60 bobby pins, and legit bobby pins at that. :]

7. Video Games; I more so long for than purchase these. But I have a DS and am trying to find games all the time, I had one in my cart today, but just couldn't talk myself into it.. someday though.

6. DVDs; Whether its a brand new movie or season dvd, I'm always wanting more.

5. Things I have like a million of; I find myself persistently shopping for the better version of whatever I have, just a little problem I have.

4. FOOD; Umm.. 'nuff said. Besides, they buy from local farmers. WHAT WHAT!

3. Books; Good reads come out of that place, plus, there is always a chance the book I'm pining for will drop under $20 (I am desperately hoping that day come soon)

2. Clothes; While it is hard for me to actually make a purchase, I do like perusing the clothes. :]

and the number 1 slot goes to....daadadaddadadadadadadad <--  clearly that is my drum roll.

1. PENS & NOTEBOOKS!!! But really, they have the coolest pens placed all around the store and cute neat little notebooks everywhere. Really, I should just say office supplies. But, Thats what like office max is for.


Here is my "Word to the Wise": Shop at Meijer and NOT Walmart. Walmart sucks. Don't be fooled by their low prices, the only reason they can be so low is because of their slaves in China.

... *Shifts eyes back and forth, clears throat* ...

Well..

I'm off to try out my new meijer pens and notebook.
Stay tuned.. I promise I'll have something better to write about tomorrow, today, my brain was all Writer's Block.

BTW: Glee was all sorts of FUNKY tonight, so sad its the season finale next week.

I couldn't come up with anything, so just deal with my tangent. This very very sporadic tangent.

From the day I turned 9, I counted down the days till I turned 10. Double freaking digits.

I turned twelve and pined for the day I turned 13. Oh to be a teenager.

My thoughts turned quickly from "HOLY CRAP. High School starts tomorrow.." to "I JUST WANNA DRIVE."

I turned 16. Got my license. I felt like the world was my oyster. I could do anything and nobody could stop me.

Since then birthdays have been just another year older.

Yes, 18 came and went in the blink of an eye. I was graduated and off to college.

Now, I'm turning twenty. In less than a month.
No longer a teenager.
But its been even longer since I've been a care-free kid.

I really don't understand why 2006 me wanted to be an adult so bad. Sure the freedom was appealing. Living away from mom and dad was appealing and hell, it was only 5 years until I turned 21. I didn't have bills, didn't have to pay for my cell phone, my car insurance, my car.. anything.

Oh to be young again.

Present me is kicking past me right square in the behind.

EARTH TO 15 YEAR OLD ME WITH A JOB.
stop spending your money.
SAVE.
You will be grateful you did..

But, you can't go back in time. You can't change a freakin' thing.
DAMN.

Now, I would give my left knee (yes, I realize its my bad knee but seriously.. unrelated) to go back with what I know now.

Who wouldn't?

I don't really know whether I'd want to be a kid playing in the mud or 16 with the freedom to drive and not a care in the world.

I can't believe I wanted to be an adult with a full time job and bills. We are so oblivious when we don't have a care in the world that once we get thrust into the real world we are shell shocked at what happens.

CREDIT CARDS.BILLS.BABIES.(I'm aware you can get pregnant in high school, but thats a different entry)MARRIAGE.JOB.COLLEGE.PAYING TO GO TO SCHOOL.JAIL.JURYDUTY.
Like the fake Santa in the Santa Claus 2 said "..the list goes on and on." (At least thats what I hear him saying in my head)

Would I actually go back and relive high school? Umm.. NO. But, I would like to go back and sit down and have a face to face chitty chat with me and tell me what is up.

Things would be so much different.

And to close, the top 10 things I would tell myself.

1.) SAVE YOUR MONEY. You will be so grateful you did. You have no idea what is about to smack you in the face when you go out into the big bad world.

2.) DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Umm.. HELLO, you are in high school, the fact that some stupid girl said something behind your back is nothing compared to facing a boss or a professor or whomever that is attacking you from every angle.

3.) GET MORE INVOLVED. Everything you want to do, DO. You will be so grateful you did. Time goes a lot quicker once you are out of this place and while it really isn't too late to do any of that, you should do it so you can focus more on the other things you want to do now that you have the ability to do it.

4.) HE IS NOT THE BE ALL END ALL. Come on, like 1 out of every 100 couples in high school actually make it to marriage. And while the idea of marrying your high school sweetheart is ideal. They are dumb dumb dumb boys who do not think with the head on the top of their bodies. (My apologies mom) Besides, you probably going to break up with him to move onto the next great thing in like a week.. so seriously. MOVE ON.

5.) ENJOY YOUR FAMILY. While they are still your family, the world changes. So does the conversation and the competition. No more make believe for you. Besides, they won't be around forever, enjoy what you have while you have it.

6.) TAKE MORE PICTURES. You will be so happy you did. To be able to look back and say OHMYGOD, I did not do that, will be the best thing ever.. Now that I think about it.. HEY YOU, YEAH YOU THE ONE TYPING, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY WORK ON THAT NOW.

7.) BE HAPPY. Going through life miserable really is miserable. Yes, you laugh at yourself now, but how much better would your experience be if you enjoyed it?

8.) STOP HATING PEOPLE. Yes, you are hysterical and are very good at comebacks/making people laugh at other people's expenses, but you never know who will and won't be your friend in the years to come.

9.) WORK HARD. Your grades do matter and it builds a fantastic work ethic once you are out.


and last and probably most important..

10.) LOVE YOURSELF. I think that's is pretty self explanatory.