Day 17

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.


For those of you who haven't caught on, I'm absolutely addicted to reading. So for me to come up with a single book that changed my views on something is difficult.
 
One that stands out in particular is "The Art of Racing in the Rain".
 
If you haven't read this book yet, go out there and buy it, borrow it, whatever and read it.
 
I sat down with this book and 4 hours later I was done and crying.
 
The story is told from the dog's point of view. I'd never read a story about a person from the perspective of their pet but let me tell you it made all the difference in the world.
 
It opens your eyes to how any and all creatures percieve you and definitely makes you wonder if they are that aware of what happens.
 
It made me appreciate the blessings I have in life more so than before and I tell ya, I loved animals just a little more than I did before. :)

Day 16

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.



My family.
they are the best people in the entire world and despite how I feel about them on occasion I wouldn't trade them for the world. They are pretty much fabulous in all ways thinkable and you should be totally jealous of them.
If you had asked me this question like 3 years ago my answer would be the complete opposite.
I'm grateful that I'm still young enough to appreciate my family and not feel like its too late to really build up the relationships I have with them.

<3 you fam.

Day 15

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

How superficial and awful is that I'm going to say my cell phone?

I have tried but i always feel so naked when i don't have my phone and the feeling of being naked and vulnerable in public is mortifying for me.. 99.99% of the time. the other 0.01% you ask? Well, I always think about being a model for artists and that almost requires you to be naked in public.

Weird.

Day 14

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I have been sitting on this for a few days (sorry about that) and I haven't come up with a darn thing. My hero is still my hero. They haven't and will never let me down despite all the dirty secrets I learn on a regular basis.

Sure I've been disappointed a few times over by people, but I never considered those to be my hero.

I wish I had a better juicier answer for your reading pleasure but I am pleased to say I don't.

Day 13

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus,

I wonder if you realized what you would do for a silly little girl like me  when you produced your album. I wonder if you thought about the effect you would have on me or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don't see it, but that is really okay. I am just so grateful for your music and the way it speaks to me and has gotten me out of some of the nasty situations and relationships I have been in. I love that even with all the history your music and I have together a song will come across my iPod and I still feel the need to blast your music as I drive through a residential neighborhood in the middle of the night. 


Thank you. 
You continue to save me.


-Ella

Day 12

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.


My feet.
 
They are unattractive, big and fat. I am a whopping 5 '2" with size 9 feet, thats pretty big.
 
People have made jokes about buying me clown shoes, asking me if I use real water ski's or just my feet, they've been called boats.. I'm fairly certain that every big foot joke out there has been used on me.
 
If you have one feel free to share!

Day 11

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.


I get complimented on my nose and my eyelashes most often.
 
Apparently I have a nose people strive to have their plastic surgeons create (but it is all mine and all real) and eyelashes that girls pine for because they are naturally curly.
 
Now couldn't someone just simply tell me I was pretty?
Or maybe I'm not and my best attributes are those two things alone and the rest of my face is a sloppy mess.
 
*sigh*
 
I really hope that isn't the case.

Day 10

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

There is no one I particularly want to point fingers at buuuut like so many others, there are people I wish I didn't know.

Now to choose someone in particular is really difficult. I don't really know what to say or what to do. My palms are clammy and I'm stuffing my face with goldfish truly avoiding this.

I have a few friends that I do need to let go because they just flat out aren't good people. I haven't always been a good person and now that I'm actually making an effort to be they just have to go. I haven't let them go and probably never will so that I can forever hold onto that 'bad' side of me that no longer exists.

silly right?

Sorry this is such a lame post. I just feel like this one could have turned wayy too harsh and I am not down for that.

Day 09

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.


My best friend. We were inseperable from 7th grade and beyond literally doing EVERYTHING together. I practically lived at her house for like 6 years. She was there for me through thick and thin and I was there for her. I'm not really sure what happened but we rarely speak anymore. I hate it. We always try to get together and catch up but it only really happens every once in a while. I miss her very much and really hope we can get back to being good friends again.

Day 08

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.


Oh goodness, there are so many people that fall into this category. I've had a stampede of nasty people run through my life. It has quieted down considerably recently, but that doesn't change the past.
 
I dated a guy in high school who put me through the ringer on a daily basis. He was awful. His exgirlfriend/babymama (baby mama drama = not fun, thats a story for a different day) was awful. I just didn't realize it for almost a year. He said horrible things to me all the time, was constantly degrading and I was the moron that put up with it and took the criticism without a second glance.
 
Yes. I was brilliant. Obviously.
Thank god he is out of my life.

Day 07

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.


Not gonna lie, this is really tough. 

I love so many people and I feel like there are a lot of people who make life worth living for.. 



But truthfully, I'd say myself.. life is worth living because I want to live and live life to its fullest. I've had hard times and amazing times and I've made it through all of them with my head held high and an amazing sense of accomplishment. I get up in the morning for me. I work for me. I paint for me. Yes, I am proud enough with the things I do I enjoy sharing them with others, but I can't say I do it for them.


Sorry if this seems vain.

Day 06

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Honestly, I hope I never have to go to jail or sit in a trial for a loved one because they were stupid enough to do something to land them there. I think that I have a pretty sturdy head on my shoulders and I already went through my delinquent phase so I don't think this should be a real issue for me... or at least I hope not.

Day 05

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

one thing I want to do is see all 50 states by the time I turn 50. of course i want to see other places but when i heard a friends mom talking about it at work a year ago i set my mind  on that. i've only been to about 8 states so i have a lot of travelling yet to do!

1. michigan
2. ohio
3. illinois
4. florida
5. colorado
6. virginia
7. pennsylvania
8. district of colombia (does that count?)

so 7 if DC doesnt count.

*EDIT: I have also been to Wisconsin. so I really have been to 8 states! *

Day 04

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

My mom helped me with this one..

"The first thing that comes to mind for me is your Sunday School experience… Someone trying to teach, yet offended and turned you “off.” Whether the person was right, wrong or indifferent, the intent was never to make you angry or to turn you away. Conform to their way of thinking possibly, but never to hurt."

I have had issues with religion for a very long time. One of them stemmed from a Sunday School teacher I had who called me something that made me deter away from the path I was on.

 I was called a deist.

(I was also an angsty teen who wasn't anything other than what I proclaimed myself to be.)

 A deist is someone who takes faith and interprets it in their own way. But it is more of a durogatory term than anything else. If you think about it, everyone is a "diest" in their own way.

I rarely went back to that classroom after that.
and started to really questioning my faith.

I know now that without that Sunday School teacher calling me that when I was younger I wouldn't have been able to have the journey I'm on right now.

However, I'm still working on the forgiveness. I have been for 5 years. Slowly, but surely, the forgiveness is coming to me one day at a time.

Day 03.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.


Gramps,
 
I'm sorry I left so early from the dinner I was at the last time I saw you alive.
I've felt as though I've blown off my family for my friends far too many times.
Especially now.
 
I'm sorry I didn't come sooner when you were in the hospital and I'm even more sorry that I didn't stay to say how much I love you and good bye.
 
I'm sorry I haven't laid flowers on your grave recently or had a real conversation with you in so long. I've been struggling to forgive myself for these things but it is hard when I can't help but think the what if's that everyone goes through.
 
It will be 3 years since you've been gone in October.
I still haven't forgiven myself for not being there.
 
But I will.
I know you want me to.
 
I love and miss you so so so much Gramps.
It isn't fair.
 
-your punkin' seed.

Day 02

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.


It is so easy to pick out all of my own flaws and things I dislike about myself but I'm sitting here trying to come up with what I love about myself and I am drawing a big ol' blank.
 
Sure, there are plenty of things I like by about my self.. but I don't know that I necessarily love these things. Alright, I guess I'll choose this..
 
I love that I have the ability to read people. I like that I can (usually) tell what people are thinking about me and their surroundings. It is nice to have a little bit of a heads up out there so that I have another way of protecting myself from people who mean to do harm.
 
Even now I wonder if I really love that about myself.. Maybe it is a blessing and a curse?

Day 1.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.


Wow.. There are lots of things that I don't like about myself..

I think I'll pick on the fact that I'm a slob my life is completely disorganized. From my room, to my bathroom, to my car everything is in constant disarray. It is very frustrating and unnerving to say the least but everytime I get around to cleaning, I find myself distracted or hating the thought of doing anything. My two worst attributes (lazy and disorganized) are working against each other in a very unproductive way.

The fact of the matter is I am just lazy. And just as soon as I have cleaned and organized my stuff, it is all but back to being chaos.

I think this is one reason my mind is so restless all the time. It cannot concentrate with all the clutter.