The episode where Ella examines her own flaws, caffeine addiction, serial killers & asks for help. You best believe its random.

I am wired.

I have had 3 cups of coffee, a coke, and am working my way through an iced caramel machiato (spelling?).

Yeah. I'm bouncing off the walls hyper and I don't think I've ever typed so fast in my entire life.

Caffeine is my crack today and when I crash, it is going to be bad.

But I think I'll stay loaded up until I can crash because being the little procrastinator that I am I have left all of my vacation stuff last minute as well as preparing our event till the VERY last minute. I need to get out of here by 5 today,  but I'm not sure that is going to happen. I'm just screwed. SCREWED PEOPLE.

I wish I could teleport somebody up in here to help me because I could sure use it.

I have to:

-Finish prepping for sporting clays

-Do whatever side work needs to be done since EVERYONE is riding my ass about it today (i'm so immature I'm giggling at me typing riding my ass, ohp! there I go again tehe)

-Clean out my car so that we can pack it full of Event stuff tomorrow

-Eyebrows waxed (they are in desperate need and frankly, i won't have time to pluck tonight)

-Pick up canvas's for NH so I can paint my little heart out when we have down time, or family time.. whichever bores me first (just kidding about the family time, so EXCITED to see everyone!!!)

-PACK MY FRACKIN' SUITCASE so that I don't have to scramble to do it tomorrow night before I head to my sisters in laws to take me to the airport at 5 freakin 30 in the morning.

-Pick up the stupid $10 gift my grandma has been reminding me to get for 2 MONTHS.

Did I mention I procrastinate A LOT?

Shoot... I wish I didn't.. I should probably work on that.
Eventually..

OHHH and I have to prep some blog posts for you for while I'm gone and let me tell you I have some great stuff coming your way.. Hopefully you don't ditch me to go be friends with them cause i really like you guys. A whole bunch.

Now, uhh, I've put off doing work for what little time I could and now have to get back to the task at hand.. I can't stay late remember?

Oh geez.. I feel another tangent coming on..

Stay with me people.


The little city I live in has (possibly now had) a serial Killer.

Yeah, a SERIAL KILLER.

This guy was asking people to help him out with his car between the hours of 2 and 3 in the morning when he would stab them randomly. 16 people have been stabbed in F*town, 5 are dead. There was an attack in Toledo, OH and Leesburg (I think)VA. Supposedly they've caught the bastard and he will be put down.. OH WAIT.. Michigan doesn't have the Death Penalty.. Not that I support it but the mricker fricker scared me half to death stabbing people 3 MILES FROM MY HOUSE.

This is so typical of my life..
[someone upstairs gets a real kick out of messing with me thats for sure]

I would have a SERIAL KILLER attacking people 3 miles from my effin' house.

This is my life, where shit gets REAL real quick. or something like that.. I never really got into the Real World on MTV..

oooo, maybe someone could help me make that my tag line since I'm basically perpetually sharing with you the randomness that is my life. :)

I love you all and should REALLY get back to work.

Talk to you soon..
ish.

[insert sad face here]

I apologize in advance for this post. I'm probably going to be a bit dramatic and sobby, but please.. bear with me.

I feel like I'm falling apart.

I can only stand here and watch as a tornado rips through my life and inch by inch, destroys every piece of solid ground I've ever been able to stand on. It is tearing away the beauty and peace that I have found in myself and I just want it to stop. I want to chase it away and start to rebuild what it has destroyed.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Every move seems to be the wrong move for somebody somewhere. I hate letting people down. It is a serious flaw of mine.

I work my butt of to make sure people don't get the wrong impression of me. I wear what fits my body so I don't have people behind my back saying "That girls pants are just a size too small, look at those love handles!" I put my make up on in the morning to cover any blemishes that have appeared over night so people don't think I don't wash my face or take care of my skin. I plaster a smile on my face and am polite everywhere I go, just so that I can make someone's day somewhere. I open doors, I pay my bills on time, I help people when I can etc.. etc..

I can't stand the thought of somebody not liking me or not approving of me in some way shape or form.

I am a good person, at least thats what my mom tells me.

I probably try too hard.

I probably care too much.

It's my curse.

ughh...

It hit me today that I am a real mess, when a man walked back into our office after nearly 4 months of being sick.

2 Days ago I was speaking with someone about this man.
"It was real touch & go for a while there.. none of us thought he would make it.."

We are so grateful he did.

Today, this man walked in and came up to me to say Good Morning.
He is probably one of the sweetest elderly men I have ever come across and truly reminds me of my Grandfather[s]. He smiled and waltzed into the conference room across from my office. I cleaned off my mess of supplies, off the table, for the event I'm preparing for and he sat down. I walked out of the room back to my office when i heard more voices than usual coming from our production room..

6 women and 1 gentleman are sitting in this room chatting, drinking coffee and generally having lovely conversation while this Man sits in the conference room, all alone.

I don't know why but my eyes started watering and I shuffled back to my office for a few minutes to gather my thoughts and compose myself.

Why was he forced to sit alone in the conference room?
Was there some kind of sick and twisted punishment going on that no one thought to tell me.

It took everything I had in me not to cry as I watched him work.

He didn't move much and had this look on his face. One that would shatter every grandpa's girls heart. The one where Grandpa is sad to see you go, and just wants one more hug.

I hated seeing him alone. It was breaking my heart into a million little pieces.

Then, I was alone, in my office. Nothing but work to take my mind off of everything.
I wasn't very productive.

The situation somehow turned into a metaphor for my life.


I don't ever want to end up alone in the conference room doing work.


Um.. irrational much?
I think yes.

So, to the Man that sat 5 feet from me all morning, I'm sorry I didn't come in and have a conversation with you. I guess I don't know what I would say but if I had known what to say, I would have.

I told you. My life is falling apart. And I'm doing everything in my power to hold together the pieces. I'm holding it together because I know all will be well sooner than later and in a few months I'll look back and laugh over my momentary freak out.

Right?

Well, I certainly hope so.

so what do you say?

Holy mother of [insertnamehereatyourdiscretion].

In exactly 5 days, I will be on a plane heading for New Hampshire (well, Boston then driving to New Hampshire with sissy and brosef). I can't even express to you how much I am looking forward to getting out of this orange barrel state and having 5 days with family, reading and painting. I am beyond thrilled that I will be able to just stand somewhere and just paint for a few hours and hopefully come up with something decent. :)

I really need a change of scenery.

After working my tushy off all last week (including bringing work home) and having another extremely full week ahead of me, I'm just praying I survive to get on my plane Saturday morning.

In the mean time I will be trying to get my life together in a suitcase, planning/organizing/keeping my bosses head together, writing, and pulling together the guest posts for you all.

I will try my darndest to get back to posting regularly but if it doesn't happen in the next 2 weeks I apologize from the bottom of my superexcited heart. :)

However...

I do have a post in mind thats about my road rage. I'll be sharing that with you later today (hopefully).

A work conversation

Well its time to pack up and i've been busy working all day long when this hilariously awesome thing happens.


Boss: "Would you find the _____ sign for me?"

Me: "Front door or back door?"

*crickets*

Boss: "Back door."

not 15 seconds later...

Me: "That was EASY!"

Being the perv I am, I giggle all the way down the hall.

What a drive.

I have a very short drive to work, something like 4 miles between my house and the office. So you would think it would be this uneventful drive to and from the 4 times a day I make the trip, right?

Wrong.


This is The Rock.

I drive by this every day on my way into work.

It always has something new painted on it.

RIPs.

Happy Birthdays.

Protests.

Gang signs.

Proposals.

 

You name it, it has probably been painted (badly) up there.

Then I head into the "tucky" side of town..

You know, the place you are ashamed to claim since it seems to be all kinds of white trashy folk?

Well, this morning on the drive in I'm pretty sure I saw 3 walks of shame occuring.

1 a very large man with no shirt on (back fat everywhere SICK) with some shorts with the most obvious "guess what I did last night" grin on his face.

1 woman with hair going every which way, boobs bouncing in E V E R Y direction as she walked her boobs home. Her head was down hand kind of covering her eyes, was it the sun? I think not. She was walk of shaming it.

Another woman who had to be at least 57 with knockers hanging down to her knees and out for breath of fresh air from that skin tight shirt she was wearing.

Now, who is to say that these people were actually walk of shaming it.

Like I said it was on the "tucky" side of town.. this could just be normal behavior.. for them.

I dunno, but blow me away with the most ridiculous outfits and people walking down the street at 8:15am.

Yuck.

*edit: I actually remember one saying "you'll get murdered with (insert school name here)". it was ridiculous.