Can You Dig It?

Friendly Reminder

2010-10-19T12:18:00.000-04:00

While I'm here, stealing stuff from this site.. I thought I'd toss you a friendly reminder to come check out the new site where we are discussing worst nightmares today.

Breath Of Ella

Hopefully we see you there!

Goodbye.

2010-10-15T16:50:00.000-04:00

"There is just something to be said for goodbyes. They are so final. At a funeral, you say goodbye to your departed because it really is goodbye. But, what about every other goodbye? We really don't know how permanent it is."

Woah, 17 year old me was deep.

Well, it is finally time folks. The time where we kiss this sorry ass blog goodbye and open the door to greener and better pastures. Wow, I am seriously full of metaphors today..

Well, this blog has had a good run but I am most certainly ready to close the door on this chapter and turn the page to another.. wait.. thats not right.. but you get the point.

After working my butt off for like.. a month I can finally share the link with you.

CLICK ME!

There will be stories of all kinds *hopefully* 5 days a week for your pleasure.

Anyways, This is it folks.

Please come join me at my new site.

Thank you for starting off here!

Exciting news.

2010-10-03T14:07:00.000-04:00

Exciting news!!!

The new site is almost ready to make its appearance. :] I feel like I've been dialated at say.. 9cm for a week and that last centimeter just won't happen (no, I am not pregnant, my friend is and is ready to pop hence the reference) ugh.

Anyways, its almost ready and I'm going to make serious moves today and the next couple of days.

If anyone of you knows how to make a badge have a link to it I would really appreciate the help.

Also, I'm thinking about having a little VIP preview for you that are my loyal followers (sorry about my lack of posts, I've been a busy little thing) to check it out first, tell me what you think, and tell me what I need to fix.

So, there is my quick update on the site.

See you soon! :)

Breathe.

2010-09-28T11:33:00.000-04:00

The Beginning:

Sunday night, right around 8 oclock, outside of Starbucks (cause I'm that girl) reading Eat, Pray, Love on the verge of tears. It is cold and dark with very little lighting. I'm feeling very much like Elizabeth Gilbert at the beginning of her journey when she is absolutely miserable where she is. I'm crying at all hours of the night and sometimes day, I'm not happy all the time, but some of the time. It just isn't a good place for me to be me in my life.. Or maybe I'm just back to looking for me. I'm starting to read about her journey into India (part 2 in the book, or of the trinity) when I look up and find myself in serious need of something.. Anything to remind me that its going to be okay. Somehow, I am Liz, on the bathroom floor, asking for what to do, only I'm outside of Starbucks and in the cold.

That's when my epiphany happens...

It played out a little like this..

There was music playing all the while I sat outside. I ignored it for the most part except for the occasional high note that was just a bit louder than the rest of the song. I stop for a brief moment to take a deep breath and gather my surroundings and to decide if it is a little too dark to stay up here thats when I hear it..

"2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake"

Something triggers in my head..

"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake, I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season"

The lights turn on outside of Starbucks...

"Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes"

Two gentlemen walk by me in silence..

"Like they have any right at all to criticize"

One looks back to look at the girl, sitting in the cold.
"Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason"

Suddenly, I'm not cold anymore.

"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable"

I close my eyes.

"And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table"

I hear something surrounding me.
"No one can find the rewind button, girl."

Its me singing..
"So cradle your head in your hands"

I know this song..

"And breathe... just breathe,"

And then, I get my answer.

"Oh breathe"

The one I've been asking for all along..

"just breathe"

Stop the War In My Rack.

2010-09-23T15:46:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the cliffhanger yesterday.

Unfortunately, your kinda stuck wondering until I get my life back together and I can pretty much guarantee this is going to be a long and grueling process.

My emotional strength is definitely going to be tested.

Meanwhile, I'll sit back, read my books, do my mantras and drink my coffee. Oh, and I suppose I'll write here and there as well. :)

***

Last night my mom came home from an awards dinner that was celebrating the fundraising her company did for Breast Cancer. Of course, this was after I got all panicky because she wasn't home and it was 9pm and my mom is never home later than 7:30 or 8, even when she gets home from dinner. I'm a total momma's girl and I wouldn't have it any other way :)

feel free to poke fun.

It reminded me of the day she came home from the event and told me all about the fun boobie things, cause I mean really, who doesn't love to talk about boobs?
*I apologize to those of you that cringe at the mere mention of any body parts.

I think it was April or May of last year when my mom came home all pumped up to beat Breast Cancer and of course a little ferklempt at all the stories shared.

That's when she told me the BEST team name ever for their Breast Cancer Walk.

STOP THE WAR IN MY RACK. (pink for breast cancer awareness YEEAH!)

I think I died on the spot, went to heaven and have been living there ever since.

I immediately went into, OMG I can totally market this and raise a boob ton of money for breast cancer awareness because holy crap that is the most clever thing I have ever heard.

I went as far as to get someone to design the shirts and then absolutely nothing ever happened with it. I didn't have the money to do the project nor did I have enough people interested in helping me out. It was a huge let down.

I still loved the saying and everytime we talk about boobs in my house, which is more regular than people would like to believe, I ask if someone has stopped the war in my rack yet.

I truly believe that one day, the answer will be yes and I pray that it will happen in my lifetime.

But seriously, I wish there was more I could do other than just give money and continue to send the best vibes I got out to those researchers who are working ridiculously hard to find the cure.

So, I'll take a step outside of the box and get a little raunchy in hopes that my female readers (are there any men??) will listen and get fired up like I am.

First of all, Getting felt up isn't all that bad... When you are checking for lumps that aren't there!!

That's right, just cop a feelsky on yourself once a month and pretty soon you'll be able to tell if something is there that wasn't before.

hell, go ahead and let your lover do it for ya if your feelin frisky.

Also, go to the doctor and get the proper examinations getting felt up by your doctor (male or female) or getting a mammogram is nothin' compared to actually finding out you have Breast Cancer and going through treatment.

Okay, so thats my health advice for the year and I hope you aren't all like "Ella, hello, thats common knowledge, way to waste my time telling me things I already know"

Sorry if that is the case, but anything for the cause right?

Say it with me now...

STOP THE WAR IN MY RACK!

-Ella

Cloudy with a chance of Word Vomit.

2010-09-22T10:14:00.000-04:00

So the unbelievable has happened to me this week..

I have learned something new about myself..

I know, totes what you were thinking right?

Wrong?
Shit..

Sorry for the huge let down on that one.. actually, no I'm not.

Anynews, I guess that this new thing isn't really new, it just came more to light for me than it had before.

I am an over sharer.

Whew, feels good to get that one out there.

I swear to you it's like something happens to me and I want to spew it out to anyone, and I mean anyone, who will listen. It's bad people.. BAD.

For example, Monday was my Gramps' birthday and I was super emotional because I hadn't been to the grave in some time and was just a little freaky about going there. I told anyone and everyone that would listen. At one point I remember thinking to myself "I have asked you 3 times what your plan is for the day, ASK ME WHAT MINE IS SO I CAN TELL YOU I'M ALL EMOTIONAL AND FREAKY ABOUT GOING TO THE CEMETERY!!!!", cause I'm super psycho like that.

I need a ~~muzzle~~ someone to talk to right now because I'm going through all of this really icky yucky emotional junk and I am seriously struggling to keep all of it to myself especially since it is no one elses business but mine. The words sit on my tongue like something that tastes really bad, the moment its there, you just want to spit it out.

Don't get me wrong, I only spill MY secrets/issues/whateverishappeninginmylife. I'm actually really good at keeping other people's secrets because I definitely have a killer conscience. Seriously, Connie (my pet name for my conscience) and I have this awesome relationship where if I even think about leaking someone elses information anywhere she hits me hard with some sort of body ailment that puts me in bed for some time. She's a peach.

Your secrets are safe with me. Except from my journal (that i hide) or from the police if you like murdered someone or something, because I am TOTALLY not going to keep that secret for you.. It would make me an accomplice. I don't think so.

WOAH, just got WAY off topic..

As for me, myself and I, I'm just a sharer, a perpetual sharer.

It is taking everything in me to not tell you all of the crap I am currently dealing with.
I want to so badly. You are the people that I have turned to for other things and you tend to get me and have these awesome words of advice and encouragement. But I can't bring myself to put it out here in the internets.. At least not yet.

And if you are anything like me, your curiosity is getting the better of you and you are about ready to punch your computer screen (or hunt me down, whatevs) because you want to know what in the heck little miss Ella is dealing with that she won't tell us. I totally would.

Well, I'm going to go stick my head back into some dirt and pray that no one comes to me today wanting to know how I'm feeling or how I'm doing, I don't think I'm going to last much longer.. I can already feel the shell cracking...

UGH.

-Ella

*I'll be posting here until the new site is up and i promise I'll do a better job of it. I've been kind of the suck lately at this.. I'm also hoping to get my new site up and running by the end of this month/early October.

**Find me on twitter @stella_ella and "@" me so I know who you are!!!

I'm poking my head out from under my rock for a minute.

2010-09-16T16:46:00.000-04:00

Hi all.

I've been hiding under a rock.

Cause my life is crazy right now between work, my personal life and working on my new site.

Good things are happening though.

Like the badge that Midwestern Mama H made for me recently... That makes me all giddy in all sorts of inappropriate places. :)

I'll keep you posted.

And remind me to tell you about the girl that hit on me at Red Lobster.
It's pretty awesome.

And if you don't already, follow me on twitter -@stella_ella "@" me so I know who you are!

New things are happening.

2010-09-12T12:01:00.000-04:00

Dear loves (all of you reading),

I wanted to let you know that I am in the process of building a newer and better website for your enjoyment. One that is more focused on the weird things that happen to me, one that catches your eye, one that is everything you want .. and more.

In order for this to work, I obviously need your help.
Suggestions, designs, buttons (yours of course, so please send 'em my way if you have 'em), ideas, title (although I think I have a pretty good one in the works) and ANYthing else you think of.

If you have any questions, comments, concerns please email me here.

Or feel free to hop onto twitter and ask @stella_ella

If you don't follow me, but decide to, please message me so I can follow you back!

Well, I'm off to *hopefully* have a good (but weird) day with my family.

I can't wait to see what suggestions & ideas you have!

-Ella

Wood. Its inapprop.

2010-09-03T15:48:00.000-04:00

As most people know and understand, New Englanders have a wicked accent (varies depending on where you are).

I absolutely adore said accent.
It makes me blush, makes me laugh and makes me want to talk to EVERYONE within 100 feet of me.

One chat I had sticks out in my mind because it was quite hysterical and all 15 of us staying at the house laughed about it for a LONG time.

I was on my way back from Portsmouth NH (Absolutely beautiful, do yourself a favor and go there) with my Sissy, Brohem, Cousin and her husband when we decided "hey lets have a bonfire tonight"

So what do you always need when you have a bonfire or campfire?

Wood.

We didn't think there would be much firewood around the house we were staying and didn't think it would be a good idea to chop any of the trees down so our only option was to stop somewhere to ask where we could get firewood.

There wasn't much of anything in the little teeny tiny village we were staying in, it was the kind of place where EVERYTHING closed at 6pm.

So we stopped at a Rite Aid on the way home. We didn't see any firewood outside of the store and being the baby of the family, I was forced to go inside to inquire about firewood.

Me - "Excuse me, Do you have any firewood?"

Clerk - "Fiyahwood*? I don think we have any fiyawood."

Me - "Oh, well could you possibly tell me a place we could stop to get some?"

Clerk - "lemme think heyah** .. oh I know who can give you some wood, Do yah got cellphone?"

Me - "Yes...?"

Clerk - "Alright, well I'm gonna write down a numbah for yew, The guys name is Powl*** and he can get you wood."

Me - "uhh.."

Clerk - "Powl gave me wood a few yeaas**** ago, real noice kid, yew should give 'im a cowl***** Powl will help you get wood. He is just sucha noice yung man. Likes to help others no matter what, yew should definitely cowl Powl."

Me - "Thanks, yeah, I'll give Paul a buzz....."

Clerk - "Powl will give you all the wood yew need. He gives wood to the whole town."

I could continue, but I think you understand why this conversation was hysterical. If you don't here are some key points..

Paul gives wood to everyone all over town
Paul will be more than willing to give me wood
She actually gave me this guys number
AND wouldn't stop saying the word "wood"

I felt violated in New Hampshire. And I do a mean New England accent when called upon to retell said story.

Anywood, we left and not 30 seconds later came across a gas station that had fire wood.

Needless to say...

We didn't call Powl.

Dictionary.
*Fiyahwood - Firewood
** heyah - here
*** Powl - Paul
****yeaas - years
*****cowl - Call

My trip to New Hampshire Part 3.

2010-09-03T12:05:00.008-04:00

My grandma is a funny lady. She gets even funnier as she gets older. It makes family vacations and the dinners I have with her that much more amazing.

Out in New Hampshire we had quite a few conversations about many weird things.
Actually, come to think of it, I had a lot of weird conversations out in New Hampshire. I guess that is just part of my all star charm. dontjudgeme.

One day, my grandma and I were on our way down to the beach to swim with my eldest cousin and her baby.

WAIT, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's try this again..

Now, to understand the conversation we had you need a little background information.. Like.. I haven't bought a bathing suit in 3 years. 3 YEARS. So, obvs I didn't have one packed for New Hampshire. I don't even own one that fits. Welp, my sister said she brought an extra that I could use. No worries right? Well, the perfect day came about to go swimming and I took a look at that bathing suit and thought for sure it wouldn't fit me... considering my sister is WAY more blessed than me. I mean, there isn't even a comparison. BUT when I looked at the bathing suit, my immediate reaction "THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS GOING TO FIT MY ASS" (It looked too big yo)

So I took my parents car and drove to Wal *YUCK* and attempted to find a bathing suit. All I could find were bottoms. So I went to the counter..

"So, do we like, bring up the bottoms and you hand us the top or are you just out of tops?"
"snickers... We are just out of tops"
"So I'm going topless.. great."

So I left and headed back to the house bathing suitless and pretty peeved that I was just going to watch them swim and enjoy themselves.

Grandma - "Didja get a bathing suit Ellie?" (My entire family calls me Ellie, don't hate on it)

Me - "No, they only had bottoms. So I would've had to go topless."

Grandma - "So you got some bottoms?"

Me - "No Grandma. I didn't get anything because I would have had to go topless."

Grandma - "What's wrong with going topless? You should just go topless. Its not like no one here has seen 'girls' before"

Me - *crickets*

Grandma - "Seriously, I don't see the problem with it. You should just go topless."

Me - "I'm going to give Sissy's bathing suit a try"

Grandma - "Okay, I'll wait here for you."

So amazingly enough, the bathing suit did fit my tushy and my bosom. I walked my happy ass out the door with my grandma by my side only to have this conversation...

Grandma - "I see the bathing suit fits"

Me - "Yeah, I guess my butt is bigger than I thought."

Grandma - "You get that from me. I have a BIG BUTT. Nothing to be ashamed of"

Me - "I know I got from you, no one on dad's side has much of a butt."

Grandma - "Be grateful, boys LOVE big butts. I hear about that all the time. Big butts are a good thing these days. Do boys say anything to you about your butt?"

Me - (as if this is the most natural conversation I have ever had with her..) "Grandma, you should hear what these boys say about my butt! They just LOVE it. I mean, they call it a bubble butt, a fine specimen, you name it, I've apparently got it."

Grandma - "Well at least I know I did one thing right by you."

Yes. That is 100% the truth.
My grandma and I talked about boys liking big butts.

Weird right?

Stay tuned for what I promised from part 2 and another conversation post (the convo post to be shared later today) .

My journey to New Hampshire Part 2.

2010-08-25T16:51:00.000-04:00

First and Foremost.
Proof of my epic game of Scrabble from Part 1.

I couldn't contain myself, it was too funny

Now onto the next bit of my trip.

I arrived in Boston practically peeing myself everywhere I went because I was finally in a place I had dreamed to go for so (ohmygod you don't even know) long.

I was picked up from the airport by my brohem (brother-in-law) and my sister and taken to lunch to a tasty little place called 'Water on the Tavern'. There, I had lobster from the East Coast for the first time ever. It was absolutely gorgeous and I fell 100% in love with the city. I'm waiting for brohem to email me the pictures with Boston as my backdrop. :]

From there, we left to make our trek to New Hampshire.

We got through the city listening to some fantastic songs from the 80's, 90's & early 00's. It was too fun. Once we were out of the city, we hooked up my ipod (the one C let me borrow) and listened to Glee.

We stopped at a rest stop that had a liquor store attached.. Umm.. this kind of thing does NOT happen in Michigan, so obviously they went inside & bought some booze for when we got to the house.

Hopped back on the road and eventually found the road the house was on and went on a hunt for address 194 LakeShore (or maybe it was NorthShore) and thought we were done! Well, we drove around for 45 minutes... there was no 194 anywhere.

There was 190, 192 and 200, but no 194. Of course, we had zero service up there so getting ahold of anyone in the family was impossible AND my phone and my sisters phone were dead. What do we do? We stop at the village shop and ask.

After they met the town cop, Travis, and the fire chief, not too sure what his name was, they called the 911 disbatcher for the village and she said there was no address 194 in the surrounding 3 towns on any of the roads.

We were stumped.
We were frustrated.
Tension was really high.

I just sat in my corner in the back seat praying WWIII wouldn't break out in the front seat.

We drove around attempting to find my cousin's house to no avail, EVEN pulled into address 192 and drove all the way back hoping that 194 was at the end of the driveway... Nope, just a gorgeous beach and lake. So we drove around some more.. until...

We drove by 192 again and ALAS... there were cars in the driveway and people that looked to be our family members milling about. We pulled in and all was well..

Minus us bitching about 194 not existing and the retort being

"ITS IN THE RENTAL AGREEMENT!"

194 was in the rental agreement, but know this.. The address to the house we stayed at in New Hampshire was 192 NorthShore.

We then settled in with each other and despite living hundreds (if not thousands) of miles away, it was like we had never left. Conversation flowed and laughter ALWAYS followed. We joked about befriending Travis the village cop, walked to the beach, had Chinese for dinner, played games, it was glorious.

I did have to share a room with Grandma, which I thought was going to be a pain in the hind end, but it turned out to be not so bad. :] She is a neat lady and I absolutely adore her.

---

So thats part 2. Just 3 days worth of the craziness. I'm hoping to consolidate and only have 4 written parts and 1 photo entry. Then, it will be back to my regular shenanigans. :)

Stay tuned for: Crazy Ella/Grandma conversations, that time we got lost in Maine, our joint birthday party, and FIMMY. :)

My journey to New Hampshire Part 1.

2010-08-23T18:35:00.000-04:00

As you recall from this awesome(?)..no... insane post from last Thursday, I was having one helluva day.

Now you know that I never just go through anything without a glitch here and there. It just isn't in my lifeline.

So, after work I rushed out of here to go and clean out my car. I made that Alfie (the car) look frackin' BEAUTIFUL. I mean seriously, he was spotless. I even told the bf that no one was ever allowed to bring anything into my car EVER again because it was just so purdy.

Well, things are going well, Alfie is shining, I'm making plans to finish vacation stuff with my mom, there is like zero traffic, when I sense my car is slowing down a bit..

"I probably just need gas" I think to myself and keep chugging along.

clickclickclickclclicclickcckioclccilickc

WTF is that noise?

I took my foot off the accelerator and it stopped.. I then put my foot back down and..
clickclickclickclcickckckciclckcickcicl...

I thought there was a bomb in my car.. But then I rationalized with my brain that people are not out there trying to bomb me.. (seriously, I am terrified that will happen to me.)

At this point I am pleading with Alfie to get me home so that I can deal with it there..

Alfie had no plans to get me home.

When I got off the expressway things seemed to be fine, I breathed a sigh of relief that maybe JUST MAYBE I'd get home okay.

Then I went to turn the car and my power steering went KAPUT. Then I smell something...

HOLYCRAPMYCARISSMOKING

I freaked right out and jumped outta my car thinking there really was a bomb.
By this point, not one bone in my body was rational.
I was shaking furiously, called my father, dropped an eff bomb (you should know that I have NEVER said the eff word in front of my dad or even within hearing range) and had him come to get me and try to fix Alfie.

People are stopping left and right, I'm trying not to panic being on the side of the road.
Also, people were nice enough to stop and try to help me because I'm not the creepy serial killer dude!!!!

So we poked and prodded at my car and finally got the hood open (what? my latch is broken.. it is an old car okayyyy?) I kept telling them to hit the hood it would pop open and after like 25 minutes of my dad and some lady trying to pry it open my dad punched the hood and BOOM. Open hood. :)

So, apparently, a hose is broken (don't I wish that was all) and it must be towed.

Dad took me home, and took off to get the car towed (THANK YOU DADDY :])
Mom and I went and finished our vacay shopping and then came home where I scrambled to get packed and finish making birthday cards for my uhh-mazing family. At about 1am, knowing I had to be up in 5 hours (less really) to be to the event on time, I finally went to bed just feeling like I was forgetting something.. Which was a very REAL possibility.

I woke up, got ready for the event and ventured out into the world in my dad's mini-van. Yup, I was a total soccer mom minus the whole kid thing. Thank goodness I could justify driving it with our Clays tournament.

So, the Clays tournament went really well without any issues, except for the fact that there was no relief anywhere from the heat. I swear I burned up ALL DAY LONG and smelled awful by the time I hit the road to head for my sister's in laws house.

I arrived there after about an hour and not too much traffic. Sat and talked with my brohem's dad and went to bed.

Woke up at 4 and laid there for 45 minutes until I had to get up. Got ready in record time and headed for the airport.

Once at the airport, I checked in and made my way to the gate.

"Atlanta? That isn't where I'm going.." I was so confused. I walked up and down Metro trying to figure out where it was I was going.. I looked at every screen and they all said Gate A29. Umm, EARTH TO ELLA, next time, check and see if your flight is ON TIME.

Needless to say, it wasn't and I was stuck in the airport for 5 hours.

I met two people from Ghana that invited me to play a rip roaring game of Scrabble with.
I won on two words.
Queer for 43 points
&
HAHA for 12 points.

WHAT?! Oh YEAHH..

Then I waited around for another 4 hours, hopped on a plane and landed in Boston 2 hours later.

------

So, stay tuned for tomorrow for Part 2 and evidence of my epic game of Scrabble.

Missed you all.

quick update.

2010-08-21T12:14:00.000-04:00

Just an update.

I'm still alive and (kind of) well.

Things haven't slowed down at all at work.

I do have some fabulous stories and pictures for you from New Hampshire.

Just not today..

I have this cold that is completely fogging my brain and I can hardly form sentences. Yes, that refers to on here and when I speak, its frustrating. Also, it makes my brain hurt.

Alright, so I'm going to get back to laying around and mindlessly watching TV.

I really missed you all.

Holly!

2010-08-15T15:00:00.001-04:00

Alright, I'm still relaxing (if you can call it that) and have no real motivation now to write a little message to you. But luckily, this lovely lady has got a voice and she is here to share it with you!!!

Give a Warm Welcome to Holly!!!

-----

Hello Ella's Readers!

My name is Holly, and I regularly blog over here at yourstrulyh.blogspot.com. Ella presented members of 20sb with an opportunity to guest blog while she's away. I sent her an email and we were instant buddies. I asked her what kind of content she wanted, and she was pretty lenient. At first, I thought that was awesome. Then...

I somewhat sort of panicked. I was hoping she would say, "Give me 600 words or less about your favorite childhood memory" or "I need a 10 step tutorial on how to decoupage an old vase using only duct tape and dental floss." Done. and Done.

But she didn't. She said, "You have free reign."

Holy cow.

My friend Carmen says that the most important part of writing and journalism is having the ability to look at everything around you and ask yourself, "Is there a story in that?"

fNo. wait.

"WHERE is the story in that? "

And then (to make a long story short), I started thinking about toothpaste. Actually, I started thinking more about the actual ACT of brushing my teeth.

My husband and I didn't live together before we got married (I know, crazy, right!?!?!). We bought a house and eventually moved all our "stuff" under one roof. It took us a long time to transition. We had duplicates of almost everything for a very long time (toasters, coffee makers, etc.). I remember having two separate tubes of toothpaste and looking forward to the day we would finally be down to ONE tube. For some reason, that was the the proverbial bottle to the ship, cutting of the ribbon, etc. That would be the sign that we had officially started a life together.

So, with that being said, here is a list of ways that love (romantic or otherwise) is like brushing your teeth.

Sometimes I forget. I forget that love and good hygiene are pursuits that have to be maintained. That is the hardest of hardest work- the maintaining.

Sometimes I don't want to brush my teeth. When I am totally in a hurry and you smell kind of funny and I am feeling extra-grumpy- no. I don't want to love you and no, I don't want to brush my teeth.

Love and teeth-brushing? Well, you are always better off because of it in the end.

If you don't maintain a healthy set of chompers, sometimes it takes a long time for the consequences to come back and bite you (pun intended). By the time you realize you have let things go South, its often too late to salvage very much.

The more you do it, the more likely people are going to want to be around you.

So, there you have it. The story within the story of dental hygiene. Next time you are doing something utterly mundane and everyday-ish, look for the story. Chin up, there's a good journalist in you, yet.

Love and minty freshness,

Moriah!

2010-08-14T15:00:00.003-04:00

Heyo, it's me again, I just wanted to pop in and let you know that by now I should be on my way from Boston to New Hampshire with my Sister and Brother-In-Law. It's likely I've finished a book and am crying a little on the inside because I didn't get to check out Boston.

Now, Moriah is one of my favorite bloggers because she seriously has one of the cutest babies I have ever seen. I love her pictures and video's of Josiah. I love that I can see him grow and change from a million miles away. Not to mention she is one of the sweetest women I know without ever having met her.

Without further ado...

Moriah from Josiah's Nest!

----

Hey, everyone. My name is Moriah. I write for Josiah's Nest {josiahsnest.com}, a personal blog about my life as a wife and new mom. Most of my posts are about my baby. Since that's what people seem to want to read. Nobody really cares about me. So, that's why I took up the offer to guest post for Ella today. To talk about me. Not the baby {although, I think you really would love to hear about the baby}.

Anyway. Today's post is about Pet Peeves. We've all got 'em. Some more annoying that others. But, we've all got 'em. I was going to come up with a Top 10 list to share, but I couldn't figure out which one to cut out. So, instead, here's my Top 11 list, in no particular order:

- Girls who don't wear bras

- Food Network chefs who talk with their mouths full

- Pretentiousness

- Couples who sit on the same side of the booth when there's nobody on the other side

- People who get easily offended

- Conspiracy Theorists

- Picky Eaters

- People who give their kids weird names {don't look at me}

- An unorganized utensil drawer

- People who will write something borderline mean, but then follow it up with a smiley face :)

- Brenden Fraser

What are your pet peeves?

- Moriah Sunde

http://josiahsnest.com
http://moriahann04.etsy.com
{moriahann04@comcast.net}

Stay At Home Babe!

2010-08-13T15:00:00.003-04:00

Today's post is from a fellow bunny (you'll hear about this soon enough) of mine.. Stay At Home Babe!

She is fabulous, funny, and full of everything I wish I could say on here.

I hope you love her as much as I do.

Right now I am at the tournament and probably sweating profusely. TMI? Too bad.

Soon, I'll be on my way to my Brother-In-Law's folks house so they can take me to the airport at the butt crack of dawn on Saturday.

Anywho, here is a quick something that Nathan @ Upstart Blogger said...

"A recent development on the blogging front is the prolific presence
of mommy bloggers. But in a landscape of virtual baby books and family
photo albums there is a new kid on the block, Stay At Home Babe
(http://stayathomebabe.blogspot.com/). As her tagline reads, “I’m not
a housewife. I like profanity. I’m a Stay At Home Babe.” She's armed
with a full sleeve tattoo, some cleaning supplies, a dash of profanity
and a sardonic wit that translates well to charm and she tells it like
it is! With fearless disclosure and a hilarious narrative, Stay At
Home Babe discusses her move to England, marriage, motherhood,
womanhood and every-day life in a way that makes you wonder what she
could possibly say tomorrow (and she posts every day)! Step away from
the piles of laundry to fold and forget the dusting because this is
where it’s at; read her and see for yourself. When you find yourself
going back for more, you can thank me later."

Give it up for...

Stay At Home Babe!

----

As a child of the 80’s—hey, ’81 is still the 80’s… and that makes me Generation Y… stop imagining me older than I am!—I am proud to say that we have a knack for making things dirrrrty. One place where I think we went horribly, horribly wrong with this tendency is at-home sex toy parties. You know the ones? My mother’s generation would gather all their friends in their living rooms on a Friday evening and a Tupperware sales (usually woman) person would come explain how the right storage containers could change their lives and they would have a glass of wine and buy Tupperware. We took this concept and applied it to sex toys. Cringe.

I’m sorry, we all know that I will talk about my vagina and even some details of my sex life or even sometimes, sometimes my husband's awesome penis, but I don’t want to know what kind of dildo my closest friends prefer to have inserted into their asses and what kind of lube they want to use and why. It just creeps me out. Nor do I want them to see the kinky shit I wanna buy. And I’m not much more comfortable going into those skeezy sex toy shops and talking to some perv behind the counter about it either; much less touching things that have been sitting on shelves right next to the video booths where people go to get blowjobs from strangers on their lunch breaks! Then… then, I’m supposed to buy it and take it into my home?! Yuck.

Thank god for the internet. Thank god for a place where I can buy straight off the warehouse shelf and no creepy sex juice residue from the perverted lunch-break-blowjob people has been smeared on the packaging. Thank god for people like Amber from http://www.scarlets-letter.net/ (I don’t get any money from her for any reason. If you visit, buy, or disregard makes no monetary difference to me! I endorse her because she’s awesome.) who explain the ups and downs—no pun intended—of various sex toys and accessories to blow-job-booth-phobics like myself. Because I am definitely sexually liberated enough to buy my husband enough porn to sink a battleship during my ninth month of pregnancy (it was his birthday), but I do not want to talk to my closest friends or the sex shop people about what I do or do not like up my ass. Call me prude. Soooo, if you’re looking for some good advice on what to buy, why to buy it, and where to buy it from (because let’s face it, buying online can be a craps shoot) then hop on over to Amber’s little corner of the world. You’ll thank me later.

I can’t imagine what my Google ads are going to look like today :). I can also promise you that none of the ads on my site, sponsored by Google (which, given this content will likely be about porn and sex toys), will give you any nasty e-cooties if you want to purchase said sex toys through them. However, I would suggest checking out Amber’s advice before you buy!

Till we meet again.

2010-08-12T23:14:00.000-04:00

Let me just start off by saying this weekend has already gotten off to a fantastic start.

That is seriously laughable right now.

I'll explain more when I get home, unless there is internet out in New Hampshire at the house we are staying in, then I'll explain it while I'm away.

I'm setting you up with some fantastic ladies this weekend.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Miss you all already.

The episode where Ella examines her own flaws, caffeine addiction, serial killers & asks for help. You best believe its random.

2010-08-12T15:23:00.000-04:00

I am wired.

I have had 3 cups of coffee, a coke, and am working my way through an iced caramel machiato (spelling?).

Yeah. I'm bouncing off the walls hyper and I don't think I've ever typed so fast in my entire life.

Caffeine is my crack today and when I crash, it is going to be bad.

But I think I'll stay loaded up until I can crash because being the little procrastinator that I am I have left all of my vacation stuff last minute as well as preparing our event till the VERY last minute. I need to get out of here by 5 today, but I'm not sure that is going to happen. I'm just screwed. SCREWED PEOPLE.

I wish I could teleport somebody up in here to help me because I could sure use it.

I have to:

-Finish prepping for sporting clays

-Do whatever side work needs to be done since EVERYONE is riding my ass about it today (i'm so immature I'm giggling at me typing riding my ass, ohp! there I go again tehe)

-Clean out my car so that we can pack it full of Event stuff tomorrow

-Eyebrows waxed (they are in desperate need and frankly, i won't have time to pluck tonight)

-Pick up canvas's for NH so I can paint my little heart out when we have down time, or family time.. whichever bores me first (just kidding about the family time, so EXCITED to see everyone!!!)

-PACK MY FRACKIN' SUITCASE so that I don't have to scramble to do it tomorrow night before I head to my sisters in laws to take me to the airport at 5 freakin 30 in the morning.

-Pick up the stupid $10 gift my grandma has been reminding me to get for 2 MONTHS.

Did I mention I procrastinate A LOT?

Shoot... I wish I didn't.. I should probably work on that.
Eventually..

OHHH and I have to prep some blog posts for you for while I'm gone and let me tell you I have some great stuff coming your way.. Hopefully you don't ditch me to go be friends with them cause i really like you guys. A whole bunch.

Now, uhh, I've put off doing work for what little time I could and now have to get back to the task at hand.. I can't stay late remember?

Oh geez.. I feel another tangent coming on..

Stay with me people.

The little city I live in has (possibly now had) a serial Killer.

Yeah, a SERIAL KILLER.

This guy was asking people to help him out with his car between the hours of 2 and 3 in the morning when he would stab them randomly. 16 people have been stabbed in F*town, 5 are dead. There was an attack in Toledo, OH and Leesburg (I think)VA. Supposedly they've caught the bastard and he will be put down.. OH WAIT.. Michigan doesn't have the Death Penalty.. Not that I support it but the mricker fricker scared me half to death stabbing people 3 MILES FROM MY HOUSE.

This is so typical of my life..
[someone upstairs gets a real kick out of messing with me thats for sure]

I would have a SERIAL KILLER attacking people 3 miles from my effin' house.

This is my life, where ~~shit~~ gets REAL real quick. or something like that.. I never really got into the Real World on MTV..

oooo, maybe someone could help me make that my tag line since I'm basically perpetually sharing with you the randomness that is my life. :)

I love you all and should REALLY get back to work.

Talk to you soon..
ish.

[insert sad face here]

2010-08-11T09:55:00.001-04:00

I apologize in advance for this post. I'm probably going to be a bit dramatic and sobby, but please.. bear with me.

I feel like I'm falling apart.

I can only stand here and watch as a tornado rips through my life and inch by inch, destroys every piece of solid ground I've ever been able to stand on. It is tearing away the beauty and peace that I have found in myself and I just want it to stop. I want to chase it away and start to rebuild what it has destroyed.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Every move seems to be the wrong move for somebody somewhere. I hate letting people down. It is a serious flaw of mine.

I work my butt of to make sure people don't get the wrong impression of me. I wear what fits my body so I don't have people behind my back saying "That girls pants are just a size too small, look at those love handles!" I put my make up on in the morning to cover any blemishes that have appeared over night so people don't think I don't wash my face or take care of my skin. I plaster a smile on my face and am polite everywhere I go, just so that I can make someone's day somewhere. I open doors, I pay my bills on time, I help people when I can etc.. etc..

I can't stand the thought of somebody not liking me or not approving of me in some way shape or form.

I am a good person, at least thats what my mom tells me.

I probably try too hard.

I probably care too much.

It's my curse.

ughh...

It hit me today that I am a real mess, when a man walked back into our office after nearly 4 months of being sick.

2 Days ago I was speaking with someone about this man.
"It was real touch & go for a while there.. none of us thought he would make it.."

We are so grateful he did.

Today, this man walked in and came up to me to say Good Morning.
He is probably one of the sweetest elderly men I have ever come across and truly reminds me of my Grandfather[s]. He smiled and waltzed into the conference room across from my office. I cleaned off my mess of supplies, off the table, for the event I'm preparing for and he sat down. I walked out of the room back to my office when i heard more voices than usual coming from our production room..

6 women and 1 gentleman are sitting in this room chatting, drinking coffee and generally having lovely conversation while this Man sits in the conference room, all alone.

I don't know why but my eyes started watering and I shuffled back to my office for a few minutes to gather my thoughts and compose myself.

Why was he forced to sit alone in the conference room?
Was there some kind of sick and twisted punishment going on that no one thought to tell me.

It took everything I had in me not to cry as I watched him work.

He didn't move much and had this look on his face. One that would shatter every grandpa's girls heart. The one where Grandpa is sad to see you go, and just wants one more hug.

I hated seeing him alone. It was breaking my heart into a million little pieces.

Then, I was alone, in my office. Nothing but work to take my mind off of everything.
I wasn't very productive.

The situation somehow turned into a metaphor for my life.

I don't ever want to end up alone in the conference room doing work.

Um.. irrational much?
I think yes.

So, to the Man that sat 5 feet from me all morning, I'm sorry I didn't come in and have a conversation with you. I guess I don't know what I would say but if I had known what to say, I would have.

I told you. My life is falling apart. And I'm doing everything in my power to hold together the pieces. I'm holding it together because I know all will be well sooner than later and in a few months I'll look back and laugh over my momentary freak out.

Right?

Well, I certainly hope so.

I should have been a trucker or a sailor.

2010-08-10T09:36:00.000-04:00

From the time I realized I could drive, I wanted to.

To be out on the open road, wind in my hair, experiencing freedom like I had never had..

Yeah, like every other American teenager, I wanted my license more than anything else.. other than, perhaps, a car.

Of course, I wasn't very good about driving when I had my permit. I didn't want to. It was snowy and a girl from my high school had just died in a car accident. I was freaked the eff out. BUT... My parents still made me drive. I had to get some experience.. right?

Then.. it happened. I turned 16 I got my license.

I was ready to drive..

I was on the road, experiencing the ultimate freedom (in my mind okay?) I was at peace with anything and everything around me. No fights were going to go unforgiven, I had found a cure for cancer, the war was over, I was in a state of Nirvana like no (hu)man had ever experienced.

and then some jack ass cut me off and it was game over.

You know in the movie Mean Girls how Cady has those weird little animal fantasies? Well, I was in that zone.. Apparently honing my inner gorilla and just absolutely lost it.

I was shouting profanities left and right, flippin' the bird, trying to decide whether following him was a good idea or not and of course what I would say to the mthfckr if I did..

It was over. This guy ruined my peace of mind. My sanity (apparently).

Now when I'm on the road and someone cuts me off I shout at the top of my lungs (as if they can hear me) every nasty word I can think of as well as some pointers on how to ACTUALLY FLIPPIN' DRIVE. C has been apart of these phone calls, he can atest to the crazy I am out on the road.

I have yelled at many a car and have made it impossible for many more cars to pass me.. but I will say, I have never actually acted on my road rage. I've seen the accidents they cause and the lives that are lost just because someone got angry. I keep that in the back of my mind as I remind myself that ramming my car into his bumper will do no one any good.

Ye be warned, stay away from my craziness on the road!

Well, I know I'm not the only one out there with this issue...

What are your stories? Are you actually a peaceful driver?

so what do you say?

2010-08-09T12:29:00.000-04:00

Holy mother of [insertnamehereatyourdiscretion].

In exactly 5 days, I will be on a plane heading for New Hampshire (well, Boston then driving to New Hampshire with sissy and brosef). I can't even express to you how much I am looking forward to getting out of this orange barrel state and having 5 days with family, reading and painting. I am beyond thrilled that I will be able to just stand somewhere and just paint for a few hours and hopefully come up with something decent. :)

I really need a change of scenery.

After working my tushy off all last week (including bringing work home) and having another extremely full week ahead of me, I'm just praying I survive to get on my plane Saturday morning.

In the mean time I will be trying to get my life together in a suitcase, planning/organizing/keeping my bosses head together, writing, and pulling together the guest posts for you all.

I will try my darndest to get back to posting regularly but if it doesn't happen in the next 2 weeks I apologize from the bottom of my superexcited heart. :)

However...

I do have a post in mind thats about my road rage. I'll be sharing that with you later today (hopefully).

2010-08-04T11:18:00.002-04:00

Please check these out as they are absolutely incredible.

Seriously, those are some cool Melons. :)

Hold the phone

2010-08-03T12:41:00.003-04:00

HOLY CRAP I ALMOST FORGOT...

This amazing diddy made my whole freakin' day.

check em out.

and since you are probably seeing this, make sure to read the post below first!

Edit:I also found this. Funny & cute.

A terrible situation made funny by texting.

2010-08-03T12:38:00.000-04:00

I was going to write this great thing about how much I love food and the weird habits I have when it comes to eating.. but, without fail, my life has handed my another sick and devious hand in the card game of life.

My car was broken into last night.
In my own driveway.

I feel so violated.

I feel threatened.

Of course, the police can't do anything until after 12noon today. So I was late to work for nothing. It is unlikely I'll even really need the police report and am just out $300 worth of equipment.

And work isn't working (hah) out the way it ought to, printers are jamming, My list is just growing by the minute with things to do, I need a break. But really people, knowing me you know that this is how my life goes every day. It's just one slap in the face after the other with a few funny things happening in between.

A few months back C also had his car broken into.
He had quite a bit of stuff stolen out of his car too. I don't remember the exact amount, but around the same amount as mine.

Our conversation this morning went a little like this...

C: do you ever have one of those nights where you remember your dreams being really awesome, yet in the morning you cant remember a single one?

E: Yup. My car got broken into. (Notice how I just jump into this, probably should ask about the dream thing at some point.)

C: EFFFFFF at your house?

E: Yes.

C: did they take anything?

E: All of my music stuff and my $5 in change (for emergencies, duh)

C: Wow what dicks. I'm sorry.

E: Yup. I'm frackin' furious.

C: so they got your ipod and radio?

E: Ipod, tape deck charger. They would have had to rip my radio [out of the dash]

C: I'll kill the mricker frickers.

E: Right?

C: I'm serious.

E: So am I. we can be each others alibi

C: I'll get this one and flee to Mexico

E: Okay

E: I vote we go in it together. Mexico would be boring without me there. Duh.

C: but seriously. I hate [place we are from] sometimes. instead of stealing those buttcracks should just get jobs.

E: 100% agreed.

C: you would have to change your name. but yeah, i would love to flee to mexico with you.

E: why would I change my name?

C: think Spanish. your name can't be "ella". well, i guess it could. i guess its up to you. but if we are fleeing, we might wanna change our names.

E: You change your name, I'll stick with mine, people will be so confused by ella that they'll never find me!!

C: Oh man, what would my name be?

E: hmmm.. something clever that sounds like a name but would confuse everyone.

C: Chris sanchez

E: No like vaca or bato or something. duh.

C: how about Gato Enfuego

E; Cat what?

C: on fire

E: L.O.L

C: please don't laugh at my stupid jokes. it just encourages me.

E: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (for 160 characters)

C: bajajajajajajajajaja

E: Oh good! You are practicing (laughing) for Mexico!

C: nope, practicing the laugh im gonna use when i murder who stole your ipod.

E: niiiice.

Okay so the naughty words were changed for cleaner versions. Seriously was dropping some bad language today, but I'm alotted that on an occasion such as this.. My mother is currently thinking to herself, 'what is your excuse every other time?'

Well, I'm off to see what I can do about getting a police report filed and possibly getting my money back from all that was stolen. Unlikely to happen, but worth a shot.

I hope everyone's day is a thousand times better than mine has been!

This really is typical behavior. For me at least.

2010-07-29T12:02:00.001-04:00

So my best friend and I work the same schedules (at different places) sometimes and the only way we get through the horribly long morning is by texting.

Usually, our conversations are short and sweet, other times they are ridiculous.

For whatever reason, I find this morning's conversation particularly hilarious and have decided to share it with you.

You're Welcome.

First, a little background information..

My friend got married a little over a year ago and for the first time in like 5 years I had a piece of cake. I haven't stopped craving sweets all day every day. I want chocolate all day long. I long for swedish fish every time I pass them or someone mentions fishing (I work for the Boy Scouts, so you see my dilemma with this) I try every cake presented to me, etc.. etc..

Recently, I've been trying to save money and have decided one way I'm going to do so is by not having to by new jeans come winter time. This means I have to lose a few pounds and cut a few inchs off my waist. I'm not fat by any means, I just am really poor and will, apparently, do anything to save a couple dollars.

So this morning C (what we shall call him) and I are texting away...

C: [writes stuff that doesn't pertain to this post] oh man, somone brought in donuts. im avoiding them but they look immaculate.

E: Bring me one.

C: ok

E: Wait! I cand eat that n

E: *cant eat the nonsense. I'm trying to look hot again remember.

E: Sorry my fingers got all send happy on that first one.

C: I could tell lol. trying to look hot...yeah good luck

E: F*** you. Ar you saying it can't be done?

C: i would already think you were super hot... if you werent a dude

E: Lol!

C: truth

E: Meh. Not even offended.

C: Haha. Take it as a compiment <---- that is 100% accurate to his spelling.

E: A compiment? Oh C* yew soh gooh at sperring

C: ah tanks erra. you nah you rove meh

E: Yew keehhp terring yewserf thah.

C: aw shrit :(

E: Since when us the and L in shit?

C: huh ahah

E: I am apparently drunk at work.. or honing in on my [not giving name] drugged up language.

E: *since when IS THERE AN L in shit? Betteh?

C: i so confrused

C: but dehr isnt an ehr in shrit

E: We substitues R's for L's. Put two and two together.

C: awwww i understand naooo. you so funry

E: Do we just add r's where ever now

C: mraybrey.

E: K. Again. Brogposs <-- We talk about this blog and you guys all the time! Feel special!

C: jaja

E: Why are we substituting ramdome letters for everything now?!

C: that was spanish

E: Msguwj translate that

C: ella thats inappropriate to say that to me

E: How so

C: I translated...inappropriate

E: umm what did it say fooh?

Can't make this stuff up people.

Yes so, we frequently text and talk in asian accents (our interpretation, not supposed to be hurtful and usually turns into something else or laughter) and say nonsense things.

Thats normal right?

We have possibly the weirdest conversations.

and if you are really nice good little readers, someday I'll share more with you. mraybrey.

CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?

2010-07-28T12:13:00.000-04:00

Ladies & Gentleman (if there are any gents) gather round for I have a grand announcement.

How grand?

So grand, it will blow your minds.

I have managed...

wait for it...

to discover The 8th Wonder of the World.

Don't know what the first 7 are? Read. Learn. Enjoy.

Seriously people.

THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD.

Are you ready to have your mind blown by this awesomeness?
i mean it is possible your brain will be turned to mush after reading this.

If it does I do not want you to sue me and say I didn't give you fair warning.
I'm giving you loads of warning right here.

Make sure you prepare yourself NOW with whatever you can, be it booze, valium, punching bag, twinkies, etc..

Alright. I've warned you. Given sound (hah) advice on what to do and told you not to sue me. I think I've covered my bases thoroughly enough..

So I guess I'll stop beating around the bush and just come out and say it.

The 8th Wonder of the World is...

Guys & Girls CAN be best friends.

[HOLYPOOPSHEISAGENIUS]

Not possible you say?

Well go bury your face in a pile of something stinky or prickly because you are wrong and that is what I feel should happen to people who are wrong. Then they are stinking pricks! hah!.. ahem.. not the point.

One of my best friends is a guy.

*holy shit, is she serious?*
[why yes, yes i am]

No one, but my boyfriend and a select few others, believes that we aren't dating or that something isn't going on between us.

Clearly, everyone is under the impression that mixed gender relationships cannot exist in the world. Just because you are a douche that can't hold down such a relationship without thinking with your downstairs head doesn't mean they don't happen.

I guess you now understand that it is, of course, mostly guys that believe this kind of thing isn't possible.

Our friends we have known for years refuse to believe it no matter how we explain it.

I mean, we have said no, we aren't dating or hooking up 1,234,524,546,312,967,856,482 times and we aren't lying.

We are best friends. Duh.

We talk about life.
We bitch about everything.
Joke about everything else.
We talk with our version of Asian accents.
Listen to music.
Usually over coffee.

It isn't anything different than what we do as a group. We just don't really care for certain people all the time and therefore choose to discuss these topics on a regular basis without the other fools.

Well, that clearly means we are dating/getting it on or whatever they think is happening.

Its not. It will never happen.
End of story.

I do realize that this isn't always the case when it comes to this phenomenon.
Some of these relationships do turn into something more and I say good for them!!
But, that is not what is happening here.

Did you know there are people out there that don't like me because they think we are lying about our friendship?

It's getting ridiculous.

So ladies & (if you are out there) gents, it is possible for a guy and a girl to be JUST friends and nothing more.

I know. Your mind is blown.
Let me know if you need help finding all the pieces!

**a good portion of this post is sarcastic though it may come across differently in writing. Please note that I am aware that people already know about this phenomenon, I'm just super fed up with getting bombarded with all these stupid questions all the time. Yes, that was my rant.

Losing it.

2010-07-26T19:36:00.000-04:00

The pants I'm wearing today make me want to be on a yacht on the East Coast.

No joke.

I'm in such a funky place these days which explains my lack of motivation to really post like I should or keep up with the 30 days of truth. I'm in the middle of 3 paintings. Some day I'll finish them.

Goodness I need a vacation.

August 14th CANNOT come soon enough.

I have some pretty amazing ladies lined up to keep you entertained while I'm away painting and enjoying time with my family.

I got some fabulous new clothes.
Retail therapy with my mom always helps.
I guess we were both feeling a little blue.

I'm working on it though.

I really just need a solid jam session in my car with my windows rolled down and me not giving two shits that I'm singing obnoxiously and most likely off key to myself while people drive by giving me glares because I'm literally bursting their ear drums.

Okay, I'm really not a bad singer.
I'm actually quite good, but don't tell anyone I ever admitted to that.

Darn it.. I forgot my mom reads.

HI MOM!

What music do you listen to when you are in a funk?
I could use some new stuff to learn the words to and belt in the car all alone.

Day 17

2010-07-26T01:00:00.000-04:00

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

For those of you who haven't caught on, I'm absolutely addicted to reading. So for me to come up with a single book that changed my views on something is difficult.

One that stands out in particular is "The Art of Racing in the Rain".

If you haven't read this book yet, go out there and buy it, borrow it, whatever and read it.

I sat down with this book and 4 hours later I was done and crying.

The story is told from the dog's point of view. I'd never read a story about a person from the perspective of their pet but let me tell you it made all the difference in the world.

It opens your eyes to how any and all creatures percieve you and definitely makes you wonder if they are that aware of what happens.

It made me appreciate the blessings I have in life more so than before and I tell ya, I loved animals just a little more than I did before. :)

rip

2010-07-25T11:00:00.000-04:00

I feel weird.

Yesterday I found out an acquaintance of mine died 2 months ago.

I knew without putting two and two together. I was blissfully ignorant. Now I'm just aware that another one of my friends has died far too young.

I'm really tired of such things.

Aren't I too young for me to just find out people died?
I think so.

So, the whole situation makes me feel weird.
Of course I feel bad, but I don't feel like its the end of the world.
Like I said, just weird.

I'll have more to say later.

I'm not feeling clever enough to give this post a real title.

2010-07-23T16:35:00.000-04:00

Remember how I said that my drive to work was eventful a couple of days ago?

Well, no one has painted the rock in 3 days. I think its because the heat we are getting right now is all but unbareable. The moment I leave my deliciously air conditioned office and step into the world oh hot every inch of me begins to sweat. Seriously, place I didn't know I could sweat do on my body. It is horrible. Doesn't help that my AC in the car is busted.

Anyways, while the rock has been rather disappointing the drive hasn't.

I discovered a pub on my way to work called "stumble inn" that I thought was clever.

I saw the big fat half naked man from the other day.
*yes, I just linked the same post twice*

But today I saw something new.

A man crossing the street with nothing but boxers on.
not even shoes.

He looked at me and waved. I immediately accelerated and felt the need to take 10 or so showers just because the skeezy pervy man had looked at me.

Not cool dude, not cool.

I'll blame the heat for people lack of oxygen to their brains.

If I could walk around in just my boxers.. I probably would too. Except I wouldn't be a skeezy pervy man who looked and waved at girls in cars that clearly are disgusted by me.

jussayin.

coffee.

2010-07-23T11:41:00.000-04:00

I burnt the crap out of my tongue yesterday.
Good to know that the thermos really does keep the coffee hot.
So now I can only taste food when it hits the back of my tongue.

I'm terrified to drink my coffee this morning.
I don't want to lose my ability to taste on the back of my tongue too!
So I'm taking the necessary precaution to avoid burning the rest of my tongue to tasteless smithereens.

I put my lips to the thermos and feel the heat just radiating in there waiting to burn me and I don't drink it!

Garsh I'm awesome.

the coffee is taunting me with 'nana- nanah-na-na's'.
but I refuse to not

Naturally I'm all but falling asleep at my desk ...

Day 16

2010-07-22T17:23:00.001-04:00

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

My family.
they are the best people in the entire world and despite how I feel about them on occasion I wouldn't trade them for the world. They are pretty much fabulous in all ways thinkable and you should be totally jealous of them.
If you had asked me this question like 3 years ago my answer would be the complete opposite.
I'm grateful that I'm still young enough to appreciate my family and not feel like its too late to really build up the relationships I have with them.

<3 you fam.

Day 15

2010-07-22T13:15:00.000-04:00

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

How superficial and awful is that I'm going to say my cell phone?

I have tried but i always feel so naked when i don't have my phone and the feeling of being naked and vulnerable in public is mortifying for me.. 99.99% of the time. the other 0.01% you ask? Well, I always think about being a model for artists and that almost requires you to be naked in public.

Weird.

Day 14

2010-07-22T10:47:00.000-04:00

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I have been sitting on this for a few days (sorry about that) and I haven't come up with a darn thing. My hero is still my hero. They haven't and will never let me down despite all the dirty secrets I learn on a regular basis.

Sure I've been disappointed a few times over by people, but I never considered those to be my hero.

I wish I had a better juicier answer for your reading pleasure but I am pleased to say I don't.

A work conversation

2010-07-21T17:04:00.000-04:00

Well its time to pack up and i've been busy working all day long when this hilariously awesome thing happens.

Boss: "Would you find the _____ sign for me?"

Me: "Front door or back door?"

*crickets*

Boss: "Back door."

not 15 seconds later...

Me: "That was EASY!"

Being the perv I am, I giggle all the way down the hall.

PYOW!

2010-07-21T11:06:00.000-04:00

So I'm driving up to the rock today, phone out, camera on ready to snap the picture and lo and behold. It is the most boring rock of all time. Nothing good or interesting about it. I risked getting a ticket (since you can't text and drive in this state) to take this picture and it let me down! Hopefully the next 3 times I pass it it will be painted something actually worth seeing.

No offense to those that painted what is on there today...

So uhh... enjoy these kitty pictures?

Yup, lolcatz are awesome.

I feel unable to accomplish anything.
I have stopped making lists.
I haven't truly completed any tasks at work since our tournament.
I haven't been painting.
I have barely been reading.
I haven't updated the last 2 days worth of 30 days of truth.

i am such a slacker.
see, I didn't even capitalize that I up there. *sigh*

I did, however, do the dishes last night.
I don't think I've emptied the dishwasher or filled it since before my Junior year of high school.

So yay me?

I definitely need to make some progress some where.
I'm just struggling to find that starting point.

"The hardest part about writing is lifting that 10,000lb pen."

^ Apparently that is true for any and all tasks.

Did I mention I have been utterly exhausted for 5 days? there just is not enough sleep or coffee out there for me right now.

I suppose I'll be done whining now or whatever it is.

What a drive.

2010-07-20T01:21:00.002-04:00

I have a very short drive to work, something like 4 miles between my house and the office. So you would think it would be this uneventful drive to and from the 4 times a day I make the trip, right?

Wrong.

This is The Rock.

I drive by this every day on my way into work.

It always has something new painted on it.

RIPs.

Happy Birthdays.

Protests.

Gang signs.

Proposals.

You name it, it has probably been painted (badly) up there.

Then I head into the "tucky" side of town..

You know, the place you are ashamed to claim since it seems to be all kinds of white trashy folk?

Well, this morning on the drive in I'm pretty sure I saw 3 walks of shame occuring.

1 a very large man with no shirt on (back fat everywhere SICK) with some shorts with the most obvious "guess what I did last night" grin on his face.

1 woman with hair going every which way, boobs bouncing in E V E R Y direction as she walked her boobs home. Her head was down hand kind of covering her eyes, was it the sun? I think not. She was walk of shaming it.

Another woman who had to be at least 57 with knockers hanging down to her knees and out for breath of fresh air from that skin tight shirt she was wearing.

Now, who is to say that these people were actually walk of shaming it.

Like I said it was on the "tucky" side of town.. this could just be normal behavior.. for them.

I dunno, but blow me away with the most ridiculous outfits and people walking down the street at 8:15am.

Yuck.

*edit: I actually remember one saying "you'll get murdered with (insert school name here)". it was ridiculous.

Need some techy help since I suck at this stuff.

2010-07-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

So I'd really like to add a few things to my side bar and am requesting your help.

I want to add a little twitter button and a button for people to email me.

These are for some features I am working on for the page as well as the giveaway I am planning.

So please help! It would be so so so appreciated!

More Later today:
1. Day 14 of the 30 Days of Truth
2. Just a quick weekend update.
3. Hopefully finishing Part 2. ay yi yi!

Day 13

2010-07-18T21:08:00.000-04:00

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus,

I wonder if you realized what you would do for a silly little girl like me when you produced your album. I wonder if you thought about the effect you would have on me or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don't see it, but that is really okay. I am just so grateful for your music and the way it speaks to me and has gotten me out of some of the nasty situations and relationships I have been in. I love that even with all the history your music and I have together a song will come across my iPod and I still feel the need to blast your music as I drive through a residential neighborhood in the middle of the night.

Thank you.
You continue to save me.

-Ella

Day 12

2010-07-17T14:16:00.000-04:00

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

My feet.

They are unattractive, big and fat. I am a whopping 5 '2" with size 9 feet, thats pretty big.

People have made jokes about buying me clown shoes, asking me if I use real water ski's or just my feet, they've been called boats.. I'm fairly certain that every big foot joke out there has been used on me.

If you have one feel free to share!

Day 11

2010-07-16T14:46:00.000-04:00

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I get complimented on my nose and my eyelashes most often.

Apparently I have a nose people strive to have their plastic surgeons create (but it is all mine and all real) and eyelashes that girls pine for because they are naturally curly.

Now couldn't someone just simply tell me I was pretty?
Or maybe I'm not and my best attributes are those two things alone and the rest of my face is a sloppy mess.

*sigh*

I really hope that isn't the case.

I will never forget you. never.

2010-07-15T23:09:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I forget how much I love my family.

Tonight was the first night I had been to my Grandpa's since he died over a year ago.

I sobbed on the way over. I don't know whether it was the angsty teen ballad playing in the background, but this wave emotion just came over me and I cried.

My Aunt was there and we figured out which key it was to get in the house and went inside.

I hadn't been in that house since February of 09. It was weird looking around and seeing things scattered about to be separated amongst the kids and grandkids. I looked into his bedroom. The room he passed in. It is filled with Christmas things, but when I walked in I just felt him all around me. Like he was hugging me again. I really needed that hug.

My Aunt and I talked for close to 2 hours about everything. My Grandpa, my family, my life, my gramps.. It was so overwhelming.

I have lost two of the most important figures in my life in the past 3 years.

I miss them. My heart aches for them.

But like my Aunt said, "It's just too hard to miss him anymore"
It's true but neither of us can help it.

I learned we are so much alike it is unreal.

I think tomorrow I might pop over to the graves of my grandpa's just to say hi.
It has been too long.

Day 10

2010-07-15T17:24:00.003-04:00

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

There is no one I particularly want to point fingers at buuuut like so many others, there are people I wish I didn't know.

Now to choose someone in particular is really difficult. I don't really know what to say or what to do. My palms are clammy and I'm stuffing my face with goldfish truly avoiding this.

I have a few friends that I do need to let go because they just flat out aren't good people. I haven't always been a good person and now that I'm actually making an effort to be they just have to go. I haven't let them go and probably never will so that I can forever hold onto that 'bad' side of me that no longer exists.

silly right?

Sorry this is such a lame post. I just feel like this one could have turned wayy too harsh and I am not down for that.

dooo do dooo la la laaaaaaaa hum hummm huumm

2010-07-15T13:17:00.012-04:00

I feel like singing today.

Not because I'm in this fabulous mood or anything cause I'm really not, I just feel like singing. I don't even really remember a feel good/singsongy song being on the radio on my way into the office this morning. Oh well, can't fault me for the way I feel.

Here is my shameless plug for Diary of a Fair Weather Diver. :]
Please go and check her out (her blog, not her personally, although her stick figure is quite nice ;] te he) and look(!) this is her button!

I have been so concentrated on my 30 days of truth that I have barely updated you guys on what I've been up to. I guess to give myself some credit, I have been working on my part 1 and part 2 of my horrible day and briefly updating you on my emotions. As if that is entertaining right?

I have to remind myself sometimes this is a different kind of diary. I have like 3 that I use for my stupid girly emotions that I have ALL THE DAMN TIME.

Anywho..

I finally got to go on my bike ride!!!

the bf came to visit on Tuesday and we went for a bike ride. I think I almost died. No joke. like half way through I was so ready to give up, but I didn't! WOOT. We drove out route yesterday and found that we rode 1.5 miles and I didn't walk it one time! So after my near death experience on the bike I realized how unbelievably out of shape I am and that I definitely need to do something about it if I don't want to gain 30lbs by the end of the year.

So I'm going to do something that is considered excercise at least 4 days a week no matter what. I also have to cut back on my portion sizes and eat better. (I feel like I do this all the time errrgg) This way i can feel healthy again and won't feel like I'm going to die after a simple bike ride.

I wish it was acceptable for me to sing in the office. *sigh* its not.

Catch ya on the flip side.

Day 09

2010-07-14T17:13:00.001-04:00

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

My best friend. We were inseperable from 7th grade and beyond literally doing EVERYTHING together. I practically lived at her house for like 6 years. She was there for me through thick and thin and I was there for her. I'm not really sure what happened but we rarely speak anymore. I hate it. We always try to get together and catch up but it only really happens every once in a while. I miss her very much and really hope we can get back to being good friends again.

I enjoy this. :]

2010-07-14T13:27:00.000-04:00

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

2010-07-14T13:00:00.000-04:00

Things I'm diggin' on this week...

1. The very successful Golf Tournament on Monday. :]

2. The fact that I finally went on my bike ride!

3. Pay day this week.

4. One month till my vacation to New Hampshire!

5. My paintings and the prospect of getting new canvas. :] :] :]

6. My Sister and Brother in law came home for a brief dinner on Sunday. that was FABULOUS.

7. Being barely reachable since my phone is all but dead. It is nice to have peace and quiet from the outside
world.

8. Winning the auction for Cedar Point tickets at about $30 below what they would cost at the gate. (SO EXCITED)

9. Getting a half day on Friday because of all my hard work on Monday.

10. This amazing cheese my mom bought. So delicious.. I think its called Mexican Queso? I'm not 100% on that..

11. Coffee has seriously been my BFF this week.

and that is what I'm diggin' on.

What are you diggin' on?

Day 08

2010-07-13T17:30:00.000-04:00

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Oh goodness, there are so many people that fall into this category. I've had a stampede of nasty people run through my life. It has quieted down considerably recently, but that doesn't change the past.

I dated a guy in high school who put me through the ringer on a daily basis. He was awful. His exgirlfriend/babymama (baby mama drama = not fun, thats a story for a different day) was awful. I just didn't realize it for almost a year. He said horrible things to me all the time, was constantly degrading and I was the moron that put up with it and took the criticism without a second glance.

Yes. I was brilliant. Obviously.
Thank god he is out of my life.

Just take 'er out back and shoot 'er. part1

2010-07-13T13:00:00.005-04:00

I had a nightmare of a day about a week ago that literally began at midnight almost exactly when I realize my tire was unbelievably flat and it was too late to do anything about it.

So I went inside, deciding to deal with it in the morning, and attempted to sleep without much luck.

I sat up and read and wrote and worked a little.

I woke up in the morning to my dad telling me I had a flat tire (there was a ton of panic in his voice) and I needed to get up so I could "clean out my damn car otherwise he wasn't working on it!!!"

So I got up and began to get ready without any problem. It was when I hurried downstairs that the chaos began. I walked outside and began grabbing what ever I could get my paws on out of the car and just taking it in to where ever it seemed best to drop it. After what seemed like a million loads I finally asked my dad if it was clean enough for his liking (yes, I was being a little bitch and I knew it and 100% meant it... at the time)
You could tell that tensions were beginning to run high. I was running late for work and I refused to call in and say I was going to be late (hello, I'm paid hourly. Not gonna happen). So he told me I could take the van so that I could get to work. I asked him to back it out of the garage since there was no way I was going to get that boat out of our effed up drive way. (see below)

This is the horrible diagram of my driveway. feel free to ask questions if you don't understand.

As I'm standing in the driveway waiting for him to get the van out of the drive way I begin to wonder about my money issues and how in the $@&# I'm going to pay for a new tire when BLAMCRACKPOWBOOOOM!!

My tire blew.

Sonuvabitch.

Now I'm freaking out, my dad is freaking out and is pissed at himself (it was an accident. not much you can do about that especially with our frustration levels running on MAJOR OVERLOAD) and I unfortunately had to dip out to work before I was any more than 5 minutes late.

I was exactly 5 minutes late when i arrived to work remembering that we have a big fundraising event coming up in 4 days (not including the weekend) that we have to prep for this week so I know I will be swamped with work all week. No big deal. Just keep moving forward and getting things checked off the to-do list and all will be well (I have a sick obsession with to-do lists).

I turn on the computer and my email wouldn't work. No worries yet. Just a simple error in password..

...
5 minutes later
...

I have entered the CORRECT password at least 50 times to no avail. So I made a mental note to not scream. and restarted the computer when I heard the printer going off. I didn't press print but I could hear it beeping begging to be 'fed'. I run around the office to see if anyone was printing to the duplex and (so surprise here) everyone said no. So I went and tried to feed the multi-purpose feeder but it just kept beeping at me and wouldn't take any of the paper I was feeding it.

So I cancelled what seemed like 50 prints and went back to my office.

Things started to cool down after restarting my computer and it seemed like everything would go back to normal for the day.

I took a deep breath..

"what else could possibly go wrong today?"

... to be continued.

Day 07

2010-07-12T13:00:00.014-04:00

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Not gonna lie, this is really tough.

I love so many people and I feel like there are a lot of people who make life worth living for..

But truthfully, I'd say myself.. life is worth living because I want to live and live life to its fullest. I've had hard times and amazing times and I've made it through all of them with my head held high and an amazing sense of accomplishment. I get up in the morning for me. I work for me. I paint for me. Yes, I am proud enough with the things I do I enjoy sharing them with others, but I can't say I do it for them.

Sorry if this seems vain.

Day 06

2010-07-11T22:28:00.000-04:00

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Honestly, I hope I never have to go to jail or sit in a trial for a loved one because they were stupid enough to do something to land them there. I think that I have a pretty sturdy head on my shoulders and I already went through my delinquent phase so I don't think this should be a real issue for me... or at least I hope not.

Day 05

2010-07-10T18:58:00.002-04:00

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

one thing I want to do is see all 50 states by the time I turn 50. of course i want to see other places but when i heard a friends mom talking about it at work a year ago i set my mind on that. i've only been to about 8 states so i have a lot of travelling yet to do!

1. michigan
2. ohio
3. illinois
4. florida
5. colorado
6. virginia
7. pennsylvania
8. district of colombia (does that count?)

so 7 if DC doesnt count.

*EDIT: I have also been to Wisconsin. so I really have been to 8 states! *

no words.

2010-07-10T01:29:00.000-04:00

If my week doesn't turn around tomorrow I don't know what I'll do.

tomorrow my day will be filled with painting and thinking.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

CRAP.

Day 04

2010-07-09T13:00:00.018-04:00

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

My mom helped me with this one..

"The first thing that comes to mind for me is your Sunday School experience… Someone trying to teach, yet offended and turned you “off.” Whether the person was right, wrong or indifferent, the intent was never to make you angry or to turn you away. Conform to their way of thinking possibly, but never to hurt."

I have had issues with religion for a very long time. One of them stemmed from a Sunday School teacher I had who called me something that made me deter away from the path I was on.

I was called a deist.

(I was also an angsty teen who wasn't anything other than what I proclaimed myself to be.)

A deist is someone who takes faith and interprets it in their own way. But it is more of a durogatory term than anything else. If you think about it, everyone is a "diest" in their own way.

I rarely went back to that classroom after that.
and started to really questioning my faith.

I know now that without that Sunday School teacher calling me that when I was younger I wouldn't have been able to have the journey I'm on right now.

However, I'm still working on the forgiveness. I have been for 5 years. Slowly, but surely, the forgiveness is coming to me one day at a time.

I may have peed a little.

2010-07-08T22:40:00.000-04:00

This week has been wild.

I had a HORRIBLE day on Tuesday (I have a two parter post coming up about it, i promise)
Wednesday was pretty normal.
Today was mehhh.

So I had a procedure done 2 weeks ago that has left me in an interesting predicament.

I constantly have to pee.
Not only that peeing is unbearably uncomfortable 100% of the time and I'm averaging 2.5 pees an hour (yes, 0.5) so you can imagine it is painful.

I went to the doctor for my follow up today and presented my delightful situation to the doctor only to get weird looks from her that clearly were ~~saying~~ screaming "OH SHIT WHAT DID I DO?"

So I was sent to the hospital to get an ultra sound.

They require you to have a full bladder so I was ordered to drink as much water as possible while I waited to go in.

Now you have to understand I had to give that delightful little urine sample and not 10 minutes later was my bladder full. But I was a good patient and snagged a water bottle from a gas station and huried my tush home so my mom could take me to the hospital.

By the time I got there I was so uncomfortable my mom offered me a cork so I would be okay.

"Do you think you could just go and let a little bit out"

"UMMMMMMM NO!!!!!! I DO NOT HAVE THAT KIND OF CONTROL"

So what seemed like a million hours later (probably a half hour) they took me down to a room to be poked and prodded by the ultra sound tech who pressed down on my bladder for a solid 15 minutes. Told me to go relieve myself with horrible directions to the bathroom (I ended up in a broom closet first) then went back for ultrasound numero dos. The one where they get all up in you.

"You say you are having frequent trips to the bathroom?"

"yeah why?"

"I can see your bladder is already pretty full"

GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT.

I went home without any kind of diagnosis other than my procedure may need a little adjustment and to wait to hear about my results tomorrow.

I swear my mom and I hit every red light and bump physically possible on the way home. It was like my mom was looking for the biggest bumpiest hole she could find to hit to make my bladder miserable. Of course she wasn't, but of course we joked about it in the car.

Yeah, I have an awesome mommy. :]

So tomorrow I will hopefully have some kind of diagnosis for my bladder issues.
Fingers crossed!

Anyways, we are prepping for a big tournament at the office this week and it has been CRAZY busy all week. Hopefully we finish prepping tomorrow and don't have to work this weekend.. Although, I wouldn't mine some over time. ;)

Day 03.

2010-07-08T13:00:00.001-04:00

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Gramps,

I'm sorry I left so early from the dinner I was at the last time I saw you alive.
I've felt as though I've blown off my family for my friends far too many times.
Especially now.

I'm sorry I didn't come sooner when you were in the hospital and I'm even more sorry that I didn't stay to say how much I love you and good bye.

I'm sorry I haven't laid flowers on your grave recently or had a real conversation with you in so long. I've been struggling to forgive myself for these things but it is hard when I can't help but think the what if's that everyone goes through.

It will be 3 years since you've been gone in October.
I still haven't forgiven myself for not being there.

But I will.
I know you want me to.

I love and miss you so so so much Gramps.
It isn't fair.

-your punkin' seed.

Day 02

2010-07-07T13:45:00.012-04:00

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

It is so easy to pick out all of my own flaws and things I dislike about myself but I'm sitting here trying to come up with what I love about myself and I am drawing a big ol' blank.

Sure, there are plenty of things I like by about my self.. but I don't know that I necessarily love these things. Alright, ~~I guess~~ I'll choose this..

I love that I have the ability to read people. I like that I can (usually) tell what people are thinking about me and their surroundings. It is nice to have a little bit of a heads up out there so that I have another way of protecting myself from people who mean to do harm.

Even now I wonder if I really love that about myself.. Maybe it is a blessing and a curse?

Day 1.

2010-07-06T15:16:00.000-04:00

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Wow.. There are lots of things that I don't like about myself..

I think I'll pick on the fact that ~~I'm a slob~~ my life is completely disorganized. From my room, to my bathroom, to my car everything is in constant disarray. It is very frustrating and unnerving to say the least but everytime I get around to cleaning, I find myself distracted or hating the thought of doing anything. My two worst attributes (lazy and disorganized) are working against each other in a very unproductive way.

The fact of the matter is I am just lazy. And just as soon as I have cleaned and organized my stuff, it is all but back to being chaos.

I think this is one reason my mind is so restless all the time. It cannot concentrate with all the clutter.

broke as a joke.

2010-07-06T00:19:00.000-04:00

Okay so I'm broke.
I have another bill due Wednesday.

and I have a freaking FLAT TIRE.

How could this get any better?????????

I NEED MONEY.
HMM.... possibly selling my soul tomorrow just to pay my bills and get a tire.
Great. Great. Great.

I really need another job.
asap.

This is really the kicker to my weekend.
No more spending money.
That is my new mantra.

I SERIOUSLY DIG HARRY POTTER.

2010-07-02T22:21:00.000-04:00

Well it is finally that time of year..

The time when I set aside any and everything I am reading to pick up my most favorite books of ALL TIME.

HARRY POTTER!!

what what?!

Yeah, for the next 30 or so days I will be re-reading the books like its my job. I love these books and how every time I read the series I discover something new.

You'll notice I added a page called I dig reading.

It gives you the list of books I've read (starting with my 20th birthday), what I'm currently reading, what is up next and what has been put on the back burner. I even put a tiny little diddy about what I thought of the book. If anyone wants me to elaborate further on any of the books please ask! I will gladly tell you what I thought of the book.

Also, I am VERY open to suggestions. I have 997 books left to read before I turn 30!

Dear Cooking.. Lets kiss and make up? shall we?

2010-07-01T11:24:00.000-04:00

My parents left for up north last weekend. I left for the southern part of the state that same Friday.

I came home Sunday, ready for bed.

I wake up Monday morning bright and early to go about my routine as I do every day. I'm pretty carefree enjoying the ability to be able to walk around in what ever article of clothing I choose without worrying about some one seeing me. What a liberating feeling.

I grabbed my granola bar before heading out the door to work.

Little did I realize how precious that granola bar would become...

I worked through to lunch dreaming of the endless possibilities of food I could be having at home.. Although if you know me you know I was just dreaming about pasta because that is all I ever want to eat. (I've been like that forever. I'm surprised I'm not a noodle!)

I got home and boiled my water and took out the package containing the noodles. It was all but gone but there was no panic there.

"There will be more pasta downstairs, no fretting." I thought to myself.

I made my food ate and took off for work.

Upon returning home I noticed my stomach had began grumbling again telling me I should consider dinner soon before I turned into an angry hungry monster. I went to the pantry in the basement, which is frightening to say the least. Even if all the lights are on in the basement you still can't see two inches in front of you once you begin the long walk down the hall to the pantry. I waved my hand in the air like a lunatic frantically trying to find the pull string to turn the light on so I could avoid being eaten by the basement spiders. I turned the light on and saw the most horrific thing in the world...

(Now to understand this you must know that I cannot cook to save my life. I can make 1 casserole and pasta. The casserole is a pasta casserolle. I mean seriously, I try to cook other things and I end up burning it or under cooking it.. So obnoxious. I will be learning how to cook this year though. I am determined to be able to make a delicious non pasta meal for everyone!

Back to the story..)

I looked around me and all i saw was things to cook with. Nothing that had real substance on its own. My head spun, I felt dizzy and cold and suddenly very okay with being eaten by spiders..

I was foodless.

(cue scary music and schocked home alone face.)

dun.. dun.. dun..!!!

What could I do? I was all of sudden famished in panic mode working my way to a serious panic attack.

How could they do this to me? My own Mother? My own Father? They left me here to starve. I wonder how guilty they will feel coming home to my starved corpse laying on the floor in front of our refrigerator...

*shivers*

I guess I could do what I was avoiding and buy food but that doesn't really play into my whole saving money plan so I sat my stubborn tuckus down and tried to reason with myself that I could cook and that it wasn't a big deal.

I was paralyzed by my stubborness until my stomach punched my in the ribs and was all
"HEY GET OVER YOURSELF AND FEED ME!"

Well, I listened fearing another punch and had dinner.

I knew I was coming home to more no food but my content tummy made me not care in the least.

The next day I had a similar dilemma.
No food.
Don't want to buy food.
~~Crap.~~

I snacked like it was my job to make sure I had enough to get me through the day.

Then a miracle happened...

My Grandma called and invited me to dinner.

HALLE - ~~Freakin'~~ - LUJAH!!!

I was saved.

I went out to dinner with the Ferguson women.
Interesting bunch.

Apparently the one weird cousin we have lives two doors down.
I mean she is probably the weirdest lady I have ever met and so so so judgemental about EVERYTHING.
Very pretentious. Very... I'm so much better than you. 150% of the time.

Some how I managed to get over that and enjoy my free meal.

Then, as if I wasn't happy enough God was like my BFF..

"You have dinner plans tomorrow?" My grandma said.

I grinned a wide grin and saw that my prayers were being answered.

"Yes I do, I'm coming to your house for dinner!"

And that is what I did.

I mooched off my Grandma for two days..

Lunch today should be interesting. Mom & Dad are supposed to be back today so maybe tonight I won't have to worry about where I'm getting food.

My mom is in trouble with my grandma too.. How dare she leave her baby at home with no food!!!!!!
Yeah mom, you heard me. BIG OL' TROUBLE. :] *shifty eyes/mischevious look*

So, yeah.. Moral of the story?

I REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO COOK.

Diiiiiig.

2010-06-30T11:33:00.000-04:00

Well, I am apparently horrible at keeping up with my promises. Unfortunately, real life is kicking my butt and I'm working harder on reading two books by tomorrow that I am at keeping this bad boy up-to-date. What's tomorrow you ask? Well, it is July 1st and I start my Harry Potter read-a-thon! 7 books in 31 days. Can't beat that! I do it every year. LOVE IT.

Yes, I am a huge Harry Potter nerd.

Anyways, its time for...

What I'm Diggin' On!

This week I'm diggin' on...

1. The Crazy Family I didn't realize I had - yeah, I went to dinner with my mom's side of the family last night.. but more on that tonight in a different post.

2. My Sister & Brother-In-Law - They are paying for my plane ticket out to New Hampshire this summer which is like a HUGE weight off my shoulders. We really had no idea how we were going to afford to get me out there because I certainly couldn't afford that!

3. The 30 Day Challenge - I started a week behind everyone but I LOVE IT! I really need to get some pictures up here... so long as no one judges me on my terrible art work.. Oi.

4. My house - It has been very peaceful this week with the parents out of town. I can't wait for them to come home though, then there will be food in our house again!

5. The Horrible Work Coffee Every Morning - It is seriously bad coffee, but without it I doubt I'd make it through the morning. Oh coffee.. We have such a love/hate relationship.

6. Having my own office - It is so nice to be able to sit in the privacy of my own office without having to worry about anyone overhearing EVERYTHING I do.

7. Lists - I definitely have a thing for lists. All day long I make one list after another. Heck, I even make lists about lists! It is really a disease.. or maybe just a phase that will fade out.. hmm..

What are you diggin' on this week?

To be contemplated..

2010-06-28T23:07:00.000-04:00

What is with teenagers these days?

I'm not talking about the 17, 18 & 19 year olds, I'm talking 13-16. I obviously can't say that the 17-19 category isn't without its issues, having just left that category I can testify to that but that isn't what I'm getting at here.

Why is having a baby being so romanticized by these kids? These little girls that have barely started their periods, whose breasts are just beginning to grow and whose curves are barely forming. They want children. Why the rush to grow up?

After being smacked in the face with reality a few times over, I can't even imagine going back to those young teen days. Everyone is so awkward. No body has any direction. And now on top of that they all have raging hormones screaming at them to get laid. What the hell?

These girls have little to no sense of direction in life.
My heart is absolutely aching for them.

I'm sitting here wondering how I can lend a hand to help these girls turn around.. To not want all of these things.. If only they knew what reality can do to set them straight. Reality really is a bitch.. They have no idea.

My mom has always told me that I should tell my story which usually follows up on how she doesn't understand how remarkable I am for surviving and overcoming all that I have been through.

I had to grow up at the ripe old age of 15. There wasn't time for a child hood for me. I really missed out on that. I don't want these girls to miss out on that. To enjoy being a carefree teen..

Maybe it is time I told my story.
Maybe that will give them the reality they need.
_ _ _

On a lighter note.

My friend Chris summed up Twilight tonight in a handful of words...

"WAIT, there's tension? Just let me take off my shirt and things will be fine."
"If I have sex with a vampire I'll be destroyed and if I have sex with a werewolf he'll rip my head off.. decisions, decisions."
"Yeah, uh, I'm a vegetarian, I eat deer and shit."

Chris,
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Well, I'm off to read. Shocking right?

BrideZilla.

2010-06-25T13:47:00.000-04:00

A little over a year ago a friend of mine got married. I was a bridesmaid.

It is important you understand that I was just a BRIDESMAID. Emphasize the maid part times like a billion.

Since I registered for her wedding February of 2009 I have been receiving letters and phone calls from various wedding places including David's Bridal, Men's Wearhouse, so on and so forth. All of them trying to convince me that I should use their store for my impending wedding.

Well, guess what Wedding places..

I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED.
at least not right now.
I'm not even engaged.

So imagine my delight when on my way to see one of my girlfriends I received a phone call from one of the above places...

*The name has been changed and the company has been blanked out for their safety and my own.*

Pat - Hi may I please speak with Ella?
Me - Speaking
Pat - Well hi! My name is Pat and I'm calling from _______________.
Me - Hello...?
Pat - First of all we just wanted to call you and congratulate you on your engagement and see that you have planned your wedding for August. How are the plans going?
Me - They aren't.
Pat - Oh! Have you finalized all your plans?
Me - I only have one plan.
Pat - What is that?
Me - Get engaged before I plan a wedding.
Pat - YOU AREN'T ENGAGED?!?!?!
Me - No, not yet.
Pat - Oh well, sorry to bother hope it happens for you soon.
Me -Thanks, have a good day.

Now, thats how the conversation should have gone, but since I have this unseemly sick sense of humor the conversation was more like this...

P - Hi is this Ella?
M - Yes it is.
P - Hi, my name is Pat and I'm calling from _________. Our records show that you are getting married in August. How are the wedding preparations going?
M - Well, unfortunately, we had to move the wedding unexpectedly. We had some family crisis's and such that made it practically impossible to get married this summer.
P - Oh well, I'm sorry to hear about that. Let me tell you some of the deals that we have going on right now so in the future when you finally get to this part of the preparation you can think of us.
M - OH THANK YOU SO MUCH!
P - *rambles on about said deals* And congratulations on your engagement!!
M - Thankyou.
P - We will continue to call you over the next year and check and see when you are ready for _____. Would that be okay?
M - Of course.

Okay, so I'm not getting married and I just told this lady that she could continue to call me and basically taunt me on how I'm not getting married anytime soon. Awesome.

So to sum it up.. When I registered the people at David's Bridal effed it up and put me down as Bride and not as bridesMAID. I think the only way to make this stop is to either
a.) get married
b.) get married
or
c.) get married.

Shit. My options are not looking so good.
I will be dealing with this for like.. another 10 years. GREAT.

this does not hurt so good.

2010-06-24T23:37:00.000-04:00

I am in a considerable amount of pain.
I have been for most of the day.
I am so tired but the pain will not subside making it very difficult to sleep.

I just want to close my eyes and find myself in that glorious place that is dreamland.

Speaking of Dreamland... There is a book by that name by Sarah Dessen which is an absolutely amazing book and I highly recommend it. Seriously, read it.

I'm working on my 101/1001 list. I'm up to like 30. It will officially start once I've completed it.
For now, it is just sitting in my drafts taunting me like "seriously? You can't come up with crazy cool things to put on here?" Well no list, I can't. I'm trying. I guess I could just put some super easy things on there right?

Well, I'm going to attempt sleep.
I'll be posting my first 3 journal prompts in the morning.
Those should be interesting.

Driving Balls down to Texas.

2010-06-23T22:50:00.001-04:00

Today I have diligently been working on a few projects for work and for myself.

I've done up through prompt 2 on the 30 Day Challenge. I'm WAY behind everyone else, but who cares! Pictures to be posted within the next 3 days.

It felt so good to get things accomplished.

I went for a walk today. I used to walk just about everyday, usually only the rain deterred me. But I haven't in a while and boy did it feel good! I can't believe that I have been so lazy and haven't been going on walks or just keeping active. After a co-worker told me that my shirt was "bulging" I immediately am taking action to make sure that my shirt doesn't bulge.

By the way, I have never been a big girl. Ever. I may have been porky a time or two in my life, but seriously EFF OFF.

Tomorrow is my Friday. I get a much needed 3 day weekend and I couldn't be more excited.

Now, not to make this the most boring post in history I present to you...

TALES FROM THE DINNER TABLE:
Brought to you by yours truly and the ridiculous conversations that are had at the dinner table in my humble abode.

On tonight's episode we find me and my parents in the restaurant that is Red Robin...

Dad dropped us off at the door to park and my mom and I walked in and grabbed our table. My dad came in and, of course, saw some people he knew and stood and talked to them for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only like 3 minutes.
Now, in order to understand this you have to know that people have been breaching the sanctity that is family dinner since I was 8. Awesome right? Wrong. It is so annoying and I swear there is not a place we go (Even in Disney World) that we are not approached or my dad doesn't know somebody there. It is annoying and 9 times out of 10 my mom and I are BEYOND hungry and need to eat like right then and there.

So he strolls over to us when...

My mom asked who it was he was talking to..

His answer?

Dad - "Blenda"
Mom - "Balinda?"
Dad - "Yeah, just without the Uh."
Me - "So like Blender but replace the "er" with an "uh"
Dad - "Exactly!"
Mom - "So ... like ... Splenda?"
Dad - "yes"

Then a whole bunch of wildly inappropriate jokes about her name ensued which cause my dad to tell us to hush up since they were close enough that there was a chance they could hear us.

Like...
Mom - "So like Galinda, 'Is she a good witch or a bad witch?' right?"
Me - "Well clearly Galinda is the good witch since good and Galinda start with a G and Blenda is clearly bad since bad and Blenda start with a B. Makes sense."

I told you they were bad jokes.

Mom - "So it was Blenda and...?"
Dad - "Her husband Rex."

*AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA* yes. We absolutely laughed out loud. I mean, LOLing hard core.

It gets better.

Dad - "Do you remember the time I interviewed him for the song he wrote "Driving balls down to Texas"

OHMAHGAWD.

So basically Blender - the 'er' + an 'uh' is married to Rex (I immediately thought of Rugrats) who wrote a song titled "Driving Balls down to Texas".

Then there was the waiter who continued to bring my dad like a million iced teas and then disappeared for a while. He kept making jokes like "You better watch how much you drink you are driving"

Needless to say, that wasn't funny.. at all.
Thank you Red Robin.
Holy Crap.
You made my entire week.

And that concludes tonight's episode of

TALES FROM THE DINNER TABLE.

Good night.

I like asterisks.

2010-06-22T23:09:00.000-04:00

Well, I think I accomplished 1 thing.

I bought the journal for the 30 day challenge and some pens to start out.

I absolutely hate the pens and of course I can't find the receipt to return it.

*hits self in the forehead*
*repeat like 5 times*

So, I'm stuck with these pens for the time being. I WILL find that receipt if it kills me.

The note book I got is pretty legit. It is 100% recycled. YAY for another way I'm going green. I've been trying for years to find little ways to be greener to help out our beautiful world. So high five to me!

*high fives self*

I also got paint for my Mac today. Super pumped to be able to share with you some weird things that have happened recently. WOOT for illustrations!

Well, Oscar the zebra and I are going to snuggle and hit the sack, after I write a page in my notebook, do one puzzle and read one chapter.

oh yeah? prove it.

2010-06-22T00:16:00.000-04:00

Well, I managed to accomplish absolutely nothing on my to do list today.

High five me?

I suppose that tomorrow(today) is my chance for redemption.. right?

Sigh..

Anyways, I'm adding a new tid bit to the blog, once a week I'll be posting things I'm diggin' on and see where it goes.. Until I find the right day it will be 100% random. So, here we go..

I'm diggin' on:

1. My job. I'm just grateful to still have one in this horrid economy.

2. My kitties. I really should post some pictures of them and tell you a little about them.. yes, I realize that makes me a weird cat lady.

3. Blogging in general. The community is absolutely amazing. I love finding new blogs to read and having discussions with anyone and everyone!

4. My bed. I can't seem to get enough sleep.

5. Reading. Yes, I've said it before and say it a million times again I LOVE READING. I'm in one of my phases where I read a ton so bare with me.

6. Art. I used to be extremely artistic. I now have to get back into it, but I'm getting there with lots of new projects!!

7. My Mom. She is just awesome and definitely one of my best friends. I absolutely adore spending time with her and I love getting to email with her all day long. She is the best.

I think I'll wrap it up there on a very high note!
Love you momma!
The list will vary in size week to week. We'll see how this works.

What are you diggin' on this week?

LETS GET THIS STARTED.

2010-06-20T22:53:00.000-04:00

I want to be more creative.

I used to be uber creative. I used to draw, paint, act, sketch, sing, etc.. etc..

So I'm asking myself where did that go?
I love doing this stuff, why don't I do it more often? Why don't I find my thing and run with it.

I have a few projects lined up/working on.

1. A bird painting. I'll be posting the finished product once I'm done. I'm also going to be trying a couple new techniques to see what I can come up with.

2. A scrapbook. I've never scrapbooked before so the outcome should be interesting.. I just need some more pictures and more materials.

3. Sketching. I am forever trying to teach myself to sketch/draw. I usually fail miserably and give up.

4. Possibly a 30 day journal challenge. I think I'm going to get the materials tomorrow and catch up with the rest of the group. I love the idea and hope that it turns out well. Look out Border's, I'm coming your way!

Anyways, I just need something to keep me occupied right now. I've been writing an awful lot in here and in a journal I have. I've been neglecting my actual journal and will be cracking it open tonight before I go to bed. I think it is important...

I've also been reading an awful lot. Goodness me I love reading. It's just finding a balance between working, reading, writing and artwork and having a life that I'm not sure how I'll handle everything. but by george, I will!

So plan of action for tomorrow:

Work (obviously)
Pick up a blank journal from Borders with fun colorful pens. (maybe)
Start catching up on the 30 day challenge.
Paint for a little while.
Pick up my sketch book and attempt something. (This isn't mandatory, just an idea if time.)
Bike Ride.
Blog, obviously.
Write in my journal.
Read!
Sleep.

Long list.
Lots to do.

Good Night.

Happy Father's Day.

2010-06-20T14:13:00.000-04:00

Happy Father's Day.

My dad is an amazing man.
I am very grateful to have him.

He has done so much for me in the past 20 years.
and I know he'll continue to do more over the next 20.

So I raise a cigar for you today dad and pray that the Tiger's win.

:]

Happy Father's Day Michael J.

berka derka. <-- nonsense.

2010-06-19T20:46:00.000-04:00

The days following my birthday have been full of ups and downs. Mostly downs.

Harsh things were said at work, things that could've been rephrased were said but hey, gotta keep my head up and keep moving forward and show them whats up.

Bunny, the kitty, broke its leg in two places. So instead of a date night with me and the bf, we had to take him to the emergency vet. I am not happy about it. I still would like to know what the eff happened, but I know I never will... Just 4 weeks of cage rest and then he should be okay. Apparently cats heal very well.

Just finished with my dad's radio show. It was a great time. I am still surprised by how much I love doing the show. And getting paid is quite a perk :]

I feel like I don't have anything to talk about.
But, I might go to Starbucks and use my gift card. We just don't know yet. :]

Welcome to my twenties :]

2010-06-17T22:35:00.001-04:00

I just received the best Birthday present of all time.

My sister and brother-in-law are flying me out to New Hampshire for our family vacation.

I am floored with their generosity. I'm so excited and so so so happy.

Now here are the birthday photos.

It was an absolutely wonderful birthday.

It is crazy that it is already over.

Used to be it took forever for my birthday to get here and now I can't believe it is over.

Here is the start of my list:

1. Get better at taking photos and documenting my life, which means scrapbooking.

(I bought the scrap book today.)

2. Travel. Travel. Travel.

I would like to see as many states as possible in the next 10 years and Europe of course!

3. Read 1,000 books.

Yes, I realize that is an outrageous amount, but I love to read. This number will probably change.

4. Write a book.

I'd like to write a book about my experiences.

Then again, who wouldn't.

5. uhh.. come up with more things for the list!

Those are the immediate things I came up with. I have other things I want to do, but I want to make sure they are material for my twenties.

The world is my canvas and I fully intend to take it by storm :]

This is all too close to a break up letter.

2010-06-17T12:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Microsoft Excel,

Today, I have this big project to do and you are not co-operating.
It is extremely frustrating and I am beginning to feel we aren't going to be very good friend.
I thought after last week things would be different, that we understood each other on an entirely new level.

I can't believe I was wrong.

I want to be friends.
I want to get along.
We work together every single day and it would be a horrible work environment if we were constantly bickering.

So tell me, Excel.. what can I do to make you happy? I'm still not so sure what I did to make you angry.. so please tell me. I want to fix this.

I don't want to end on a sour note.
And by sour note, I mean I am more than tempted to punch you right in the ~~face~~ screen if you don't start acting the way you should.

But, like I said... I do want to be friends.

So I hope this is just a silly argument and we will soon be passed it.

Help me out here.. I have a deadline and it is lunchtime.

Sincerely,

A very disgruntled Ella.

Happy Birthday to ME!

2010-06-16T23:33:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY TOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

cha cha cha. :]

And a successful birthday it was.

Photos coming tomorrow.

along with the list.

I didn't think we'd celebrate until 11..

Good night. :]

RIP in my teenage years, June 16, 2003 - June 15, 2010.

2010-06-15T22:52:00.000-04:00

Well, this is it. My final moments as a teenager.

But what was it like for me to be a teenager?

Isn't that the question of the decade (at least for me)

My teenage years have been interesting, to say the least.

To say I haven't grown up at all would be a little naive.

Starting on June 16, 2003 ending tonight June 15, 2010. My teenage years are being kissed goodbye without too much sentiment. Of course, I enjoyed them for the most part. Would I willingly relive it? Absolutely not. But I have learned so much and grown so much it makes me almost sorry to say goodbye. Almost.

I, like everyone else, had many pivotal moments through out these years.. Entering high school, getting leads in theatre, getting my license, my first car accident, boys and boyfriends, parties, new friends, old friends, graduating high school, college, working, falling in love, getting my heart broken, death on many levels, moving out, moving home, moving in general, and of course just being a teen. An angsty teen.

Oh the life of the angsty teen.

Its so.. so.. angsty. :]

I went through a lot throughout these years.

I had to to be the person I am now. I'm not doing as much exploring to find out who I am, but rather growing as that person.

I can tell you I am so ready to continue growing and learning in this new adventure.

I am so excited. So ready.

So lets say goodbye to my teen years with this look...

Happy Birthday to me :]

Stay tuned..

Tomorrow begins a whole new adventure.

and a simple list.

The countdown begins.

2010-06-14T22:28:00.000-04:00

So today I took another adult step.

I asked my mom for help.

Thats right people, I willingly asked my mother for help. It isn't terribly often that I ask my parents for help and I don't understand why. They know so much! (yes mom, I know you are smiling as you read this)

We have decided to get my life into order to, hopefully, have a little more sense of stability and accomplishment as I embark on the next decade of my life.

In 26 hours, I will no longer be a teenager.

I suppose it is time to grow up.

And with this milestone I do believe I will treat myself a little to a fresh start in my twenties.

I think tomorrow I will treat myself to a haircut, get my untamed eyebrows manageable, buy a dress and of course.. new shoes!

I can't remember the last time I bought a new pair of nice shoes.

Of course, I'm working on a budget so I have to be mindful of how much I spend, but it is my birthday, I'm allowed to splurge a little bit. :]

I'm currently working on a list of 20 things I'd like to do in my twenties (of course it could be a little more or a little less and it will never be set in stone). I'll even attempt making a link so that it can be viewed through out the next 10 years of my life and I can watch as I make progress on it. I have a lot of things I want to do and I know 10 years will fly by so fast.

But, we will get into that more on Wednesday.

I'm currently trying to get into a routine. One of things on my list is directly related to this. I am writing every morning after my shower just to make sure I write something down for the day. I'm also trying to remember to write in here and write for me and of course read. :]

I forgot how much I love reading and now that I'm getting back into it, I can't stop. I'll finish one book and immediately jump into another without hesitation. Currently I am working on:
1. Finishing the Stephanie Plum Novels - hoping to get them for my birthday
2. Getting the next book in the Sue Grafton Alphabet series - I was really surprised by how into the story I got.
3. I'm currently reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which I have heard rave reviews about. I'm pretty pumped to get further than twenty pages in.

There is always the other books that are sitting on my shelf just waiting to be cracked. Maybe I will also work on a list of books I want to read. :]

So the bf did something really sweet for me on Friday..

He had been secretive about his where a bouts all day, I only knew he was running errands and said he would be up later. I'd been having a crazy hectic blahhh awful week of stress and he knew it. He got to my house and brought me out to his truck where he made me turn around and close/cover my eyes. He opened his door and I heard him pulling some stuff out of the truck and set it out. "Turn around" and there was a bouquet of beautiful flowers and a bag with a stuffed zebra (zebras are my ABSOLUTE favorite.) and a card. The flowers were like lilies which are my favorite flower but are hard to find this time of year (for a good price) But these little flowers are unbelievably beautiful. I'll try to remember to take a picture of them tomorrow. Anyways, I named my zebra Oscar. ~~We hang out.~~ He sits with me on my bed. But anyways, I thought it was UBER sweet. :]

Well that was a rant and a half with absolutely no point if I've ever seen one.

Good night world. Tomorrow is the last day I will ever be a teenager. I guess I better make it a good one.

Well, I'm going to crack open the notebook and write for a bit..

I guess it is time again to put that "Help Wanted" sign in the window.

2010-06-10T22:28:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had the urge to just jump into your car and blast music?
Like as some kind of therapy?

Well...

that just totally happened to me.

Being the Gleek I am, I turned the Glee songs I have on full blast and on shuffle and cruised the streets until I felt I had sufficiently destroyed my voice for the night.

It was so relieving.

I didn't realize I was under so much stress until the past couple of days.

Since the beginning of the year this is what has happened.

1. I was basically told I could no longer go to school because of financial aid.
2. I changed jobs. I went from a really bad one to a really awesome one.
3. A good friend of mine committed suicide, which drudged up memories of my 2 other friends that took their own lives.
4. I lost my health insurance and got my own health insurance with my new job, only to find out that I could no longer go to the doctor I've seen practically my whole life.
5. Having a new job and trying to be good at it and not get fired is stressful in itself.
6. I'm beginning to have health issues, probably related to stress.

And thats all I can think of as of right now..
but isn't that enough?

While I'm happier now than I've ever been, I think I must be maturing/growing up in a way that I didn't think possible. I'm trying to take my issues and be proactive instead of being a negative nancy all the time. I do NOT want to be a negative nancy.

So, what do you do to relieve stress?
sing in the car?
read?
scream into a pillow?

I'm looking for another method before my body really starts falling apart.

Help?

2010-06-09T22:42:00.000-04:00

I just fell in love with a new TV show.

Seems to happen to me all the time.

Then they ALWAYS cancel it.

EERRRRRRGGGG.

Well, I'm going to love it while I can.
Especially since I don't have any real thought provoking things to say tonight.

I know, I'm disappointed myself.

Stay tuned..

OPEN UP! yo.

2010-06-08T22:27:00.000-04:00

Well, I freaked out too soon.

My cord just doesn't work in my room.
Hopefully that rights itself soon.

So you know how all these weird things tend to happen to me?
Well, in case you didn't, you will soon find out.

Anyways, I was on my way to my Excel class this morning and when I was finally off the expressway I saw possibly the craziest thing anyone could see just driving anywhere...

I rolled by a house with 4 squad cars, 2 medics and a SWAT team, guns drawn ready to raid the house. I accelerated and got the heck outta there before things got wild at 8am.

How is it that I see these things?

anyways, I came up with some theories whilst finishing my drive:

1. Somebody was hoarding a batch of Swedish Fish and Caramello bars hostage. I know I would go in with guns drawn and probably shooting if someone was holding my favorite (and clearly everyones favorite) candy hostage.

2. A little girl was forcing Barbie and Ken to work out their problems and get back together. I know it isn't just my dream, it is the dream of millions alike. Also, I know it was a publicity stunt to break up the happy perfect couple and I figure the BIG (so I don't get in trouble) company sent in the troops to keep Barbie & Ken's reunion from happening. Although, if you are human, you know it is inevitable.

Then I arrived at my destination and figured they were breaking down the doors to a MAJOR drug bust.

How boring.

**

Glee's season finale was phenomenal. Can't wait for next season! :]

oiuahjabksjn;fuh.. yup. that about covers it.

2010-06-07T22:58:00.000-04:00

Alright, so I'm real pissed.

I was going to write about something worthwhile tonight, but now I am furious.

Why the anger you ask?

Well, for the 2nd time in two years the charger for my mac has decided to crap out on me. So I officially have 46 (probably less) minutes until my computer dies and I have to dish out yet another $100 dollars to get a new charger.

EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

45 minutes.

Gal darnit.

Well, I have a class for microsoft excel in the morning.
WOOOO.

Okay and now I'm up to 55 minutes..

Does this make sense to anyone?

I really just hate technology right now.
but only to a certain extent

See you through the eyes of our Dell tomorrow.

Srsly.

2010-06-05T19:23:00.000-04:00

Just had a delectible dinner. The Elephant Bar, though I'm sure a chain, is wonderful. I obviously ate WAY too much and am now starting to crave the dessert we got to go.

I can't believe I just witnessed my darling boyfriend say what he just did..

bf: Mom, do you have any hairspray?

mom: yeah, in my purse.

bf: this is really what you have?

mom: yeah why?

bf: yeah, I'm not using that.

mom: seriously? why not?

bf: I only use aerosol.

mom: just use it.

bf: NO. I ONLY USE AEROSOL!

Clearly, I am dating a girl.

Although, I can't say I've ever met a girl who wasn't happy with whatever hairspray they got.

What a clown.

On the dumb to funny scale.. I'd say this is quite hilarious.

June 3, 2009.

2010-06-03T23:44:00.000-04:00

A year ago today, I lost a hero.

My Grandpa.

He was and still is an amazing man who continues to touch the lives of all who knew him and who hear of him.

He had this way to make all of his children and grandchildren feel special in their own way.

Any of the girls in my family will agree with me that he loved to tease us in the kindest way...

"Boy, you sure are beautiful, now make sure you don't miss out on any of your beauty sleep!"

So many phrases. So many hugs.
Just not enough.

My mom called him papason.
He loved that.

He had a knack for showing up on time 2 hours early for every family even we ever hosted. 99.99% of the time mom and I would not be even remotely ready and it would frustrate the hell out of us. But he was so helpful mashing our potatoes.

I think I mentioned how he made everyone feel special? right?
Well, he really did.
I heard stories at the funeral home from people I'd never even heard of that said that my Grandfather had a tremendous impact on their lives. He left HUGE shoes to fill, and I'm fairly certain is going to take my entire family to fill them. We will do it. It is in our blood, because of him.

I miss him dearly and wish I had spent more time with him and still could spend more time with him.

My head really isn't clear today. I haven't been able to shake this overwhelming sense of sadness. My heart aches with the loss of my hero.

He was a soldier.
That's how he met my Grandma.
They met on a train.
Wrote letters while he was over seas.
And married when he got home.
5 Children and 11 Grandchildren later he lead a beautiful existence with his wonderful wife.
He had a fairytale romance that stayed till the very end.
I was told all he was worrying about the night before was 'ma'.
It is enough to make anyone cry.
Especially me.

As I lay here typing this and carefully wiping away my tears of joy and sadness, I want to celebrate his life. I'm still trying to figure out how, but I will continue to do so every day until the day I get to see him again.

There are so many stories to tell. So many 'words to the wise' that I would love to share with you. I will someday. I have to compile my list first.

For now, I'm going to drift off into dreamland and hope I get to see him and take a walk with him in my dream. Those are really my favorite dreams.

I love you Grandpa T.
I'll miss you everyday until I see you again.

Celebrate good times, Come on!

2010-06-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

Today is a celebratory day.

While my 20th birthday is a mere 14 days away, I was still accepted as one of the 20 something bloggers.

I couldn't be happier. :]

Now, I am completely new to how this whole blogging thing works and while I understand the concept of making posts and posting picture and heck, I even got as far giving myself a fancy new layout. I however lack the ability to make it much farther than that.

So, I am asking for advice, for site, for basically anything to help me get this blog into tip top shape for my new friends and followers.

I want to make this as special of an experience for you as it is for me.

I know, I'm real sweet like that.

On another note, I have found some fabulous blogs over the past few days. I'll be posting them soon, once I compile a list of more than 4 (which are the ones I've read, I still have some catching up here!) and credit will be given to those whom I think worthy of note via comment or email (if possible) ... I'm not sure how to alert those who are credited in the blog. Clearly, I need some help here.

I promise, my regular rants and crazy antics will resume tomorrow.

For now, thank you for reading! I so so so appreciate it. :]

Love you all.

He loves me, He loves me not, HE LOVES ME!

2010-06-01T22:38:00.000-04:00

Today I went to my favorite store in the whole world.

Meijer.

This superstore is just beyond my wildest dreams. I am hopelessly in love with its wide variety and its low prices. My heart flutters from the very thought of it. All its different shapes and sizes, its vast selections of everything you could ever need. I swear, its like I die and go to heaven every time I put my car into park and march through those automatic doors only to gaze in on the glory that is this superstore.

Walmart?
NO THANK YOU.

A run of the mill grocery store?
I think not.

Yes, I would write the store love letters if I didn't think people would try to put me away..

Whenever I feel restless I take it out in Meijer. I live within ten miles of at least 3 Meijers, all of which are 100% different and only one is truly questionable, but still one of the objects of my desire.

If my Mac had paint, I would totally doodle little hearts all over this picture. But, I'm still working out the kinks. Hehe.

Here are my top 10 favorite things to get at Meijer:

10. Toothpaste; yes, I realize that you can get this any number of place but for some reason it is so much more appealing here with all the little tags underneath telling me how much I save.

9. Magazines; I swear I never look at magazines unless I am going through the self check out at meijer (self checkout is the best thing that has ever happened to the shopping industry btw). Then I am all about going over who is pregnant with who's baby, OHEMGEE SHE DID WHAT?, Ugh, her plastic surgery is awful.. etc..

8. Bobby Pins; I mean seriously, $0.70 for 60 bobby pins, and legit bobby pins at that. :]

7. Video Games; I more so long for than purchase these. But I have a DS and am trying to find games all the time, I had one in my cart today, but just couldn't talk myself into it.. someday though.

6. DVDs; Whether its a brand new movie or season dvd, I'm always wanting more.

5. Things I have like a million of; I find myself persistently shopping for the better version of whatever I have, just a little problem I have.

4. FOOD; Umm.. 'nuff said. Besides, they buy from local farmers. WHAT WHAT!

3. Books; Good reads come out of that place, plus, there is always a chance the book I'm pining for will drop under $20 (I am desperately hoping that day come soon)

2. Clothes; While it is hard for me to actually make a purchase, I do like perusing the clothes. :]

and the number 1 slot goes to....daadadaddadadadadadadad <-- clearly that is my drum roll.

1. PENS & NOTEBOOKS!!! But really, they have the coolest pens placed all around the store and cute neat little notebooks everywhere. Really, I should just say office supplies. But, Thats what like office max is for.

Here is my "Word to the Wise": Shop at Meijer and NOT Walmart. Walmart sucks. Don't be fooled by their low prices, the only reason they can be so low is because of their slaves in China.

... *Shifts eyes back and forth, clears throat* ...

Well..

I'm off to try out my new meijer pens and notebook.
Stay tuned.. I promise I'll have something better to write about tomorrow, today, my brain was all Writer's Block.

BTW: Glee was all sorts of FUNKY tonight, so sad its the season finale next week.

Long time no post.

2010-05-31T23:15:00.000-04:00

What a Memorial Day Weekend.

It just confirmed how much I hate stupid girls.

But since its back to work in the morning.

We will just have to wait till.. I remember to write about it to hear about it.

Good night Moon.

2010-05-29T01:56:00.000-04:00

Sitting in the parking spot of my old job waiting for the tow truck for my friends car, I realized something was seriously not right about the night.

Too many weird things happened.

I wondered aloud "Is it a full moon?"

We looked to the sky and there it was.

A full bright moon.

I guess weird things happen with a full moon.

Stupid moon.

I couldn't come up with anything, so just deal with my tangent. This very very sporadic tangent.

2010-05-27T23:27:00.000-04:00

From the day I turned 9, I counted down the days till I turned 10. Double freaking digits.

I turned twelve and pined for the day I turned 13. Oh to be a teenager.

My thoughts turned quickly from "HOLY CRAP. High School starts tomorrow.." to "I JUST WANNA DRIVE."

I turned 16. Got my license. I felt like the world was my oyster. I could do anything and nobody could stop me.

Since then birthdays have been just another year older.

Yes, 18 came and went in the blink of an eye. I was graduated and off to college.

Now, I'm turning twenty. In less than a month.
No longer a teenager.
But its been even longer since I've been a care-free kid.

I really don't understand why 2006 me wanted to be an adult so bad. Sure the freedom was appealing. Living away from mom and dad was appealing and hell, it was only 5 years until I turned 21. I didn't have bills, didn't have to pay for my cell phone, my car insurance, my car.. anything.

Oh to be young again.

Present me is kicking past me right square in the behind.

EARTH TO 15 YEAR OLD ME WITH A JOB.
stop spending your money.
SAVE.
You will be grateful you did..

But, you can't go back in time. You can't change a freakin' thing.
DAMN.

Now, I would give my left knee (yes, I realize its my bad knee but seriously.. unrelated) to go back with what I know now.

Who wouldn't?

I don't really know whether I'd want to be a kid playing in the mud or 16 with the freedom to drive and not a care in the world.

I can't believe I wanted to be an adult with a full time job and bills. We are so oblivious when we don't have a care in the world that once we get thrust into the real world we are shell shocked at what happens.

CREDIT CARDS.BILLS.BABIES.(I'm aware you can get pregnant in high school, but thats a different entry)MARRIAGE.JOB.COLLEGE.PAYING TO GO TO SCHOOL.JAIL.JURYDUTY.
Like the fake Santa in the Santa Claus 2 said "..the list goes on and on." (At least thats what I hear him saying in my head)

Would I actually go back and relive high school? Umm.. NO. But, I would like to go back and sit down and have a face to face chitty chat with me and tell me what is up.

Things would be so much different.

And to close, the top 10 things I would tell myself.

1.) SAVE YOUR MONEY. You will be so grateful you did. You have no idea what is about to smack you in the face when you go out into the big bad world.

2.) DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Umm.. HELLO, you are in high school, the fact that some stupid girl said something behind your back is nothing compared to facing a boss or a professor or whomever that is attacking you from every angle.

3.) GET MORE INVOLVED. Everything you want to do, DO. You will be so grateful you did. Time goes a lot quicker once you are out of this place and while it really isn't too late to do any of that, you should do it so you can focus more on the other things you want to do now that you have the ability to do it.

4.) HE IS NOT THE BE ALL END ALL. Come on, like 1 out of every 100 couples in high school actually make it to marriage. And while the idea of marrying your high school sweetheart is ideal. They are dumb dumb dumb boys who do not think with the head on the top of their bodies. (My apologies mom) Besides, you probably going to break up with him to move onto the next great thing in like a week.. so seriously. MOVE ON.

5.) ENJOY YOUR FAMILY. While they are still your family, the world changes. So does the conversation and the competition. No more make believe for you. Besides, they won't be around forever, enjoy what you have while you have it.

6.) TAKE MORE PICTURES. You will be so happy you did. To be able to look back and say OHMYGOD, I did not do that, will be the best thing ever.. Now that I think about it.. HEY YOU, YEAH YOU THE ONE TYPING, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY WORK ON THAT NOW.

7.) BE HAPPY. Going through life miserable really is miserable. Yes, you laugh at yourself now, but how much better would your experience be if you enjoyed it?

8.) STOP HATING PEOPLE. Yes, you are hysterical and are very good at comebacks/making people laugh at other people's expenses, but you never know who will and won't be your friend in the years to come.

9.) WORK HARD. Your grades do matter and it builds a fantastic work ethic once you are out.

and last and probably most important..

10.) LOVE YOURSELF. I think that's is pretty self explanatory.

If only, if only. Stupid little black dress.

2010-05-26T19:26:00.000-04:00

Today I will explore the wonderful world of GaGa.

Inspired, of course, by last nights Glee episode.

Anyways, I wanted to explore the style of Lady Gaga while baby blogger me explores using photos.

Personally, I love Lady Gaga and her fabulous sense of style. I idolize her fashion and courage in a way that many people would find just strange.

I wish I had the courage to dress a little girlier, let alone out of this world like she does.

Her self confidence blows my mind.

I mean just look at this. She might as well be naked and she looks unbelievable.

My favorite story of her is one I read in probably Cosmopolitan.

She was at, I believe, Starbucks with a boyfriend when he broke up with her.

She says..

"Just you wait and see, someday you want be able to leave your home without seeing my face!"

(Now, I ad-libbed this story a bit, don't be offended if this isn't 100%)

Holy guacamole.

Poor sap, didn't even know what was coming.

You literally cannot wake up in the morning without hearing one of her songs blasting happily on the radio.

What a fabulous lady.

Whose style I envy.

I love it.

Guilty pleasure?

I think ABSOLUTELY.

Now for the real question.

Can I pull this off?

Clearly we know your dirty little secret. Stupid Girl.

2010-05-25T23:11:00.000-04:00

Like so many others, a crap ton of my friends are pregnant.

Today, a good friend of mine found out she was having a little boy. We oohed and aahed over her ultrasound and even got a look at the money shot. We were just in baby heaven. So, we headed over to Barnes & Noble (not a big fan, I'd much rather be at Border's) to check out baby names.

Sitting in the baby section looking at all these books a girl that my friends knew came over to chat with us.. I learned more about this girl in 15 minutes than anyone might learn on a first date or in an online profile. (Which, is becoming increasingly more informational, dangerous.)

Some how in all these conversations girls dirty little secrets come out...

Blonde: Yeah, you remember me in high school, how tiny I was?
Friend #1: Yeah, super skinny.
Friend #2: Didn't you have anorexia?
Me: *stifles clearly not shocked giggle*
Blonde: Yeah, I still struggle, I'm now on a no carb diet. But it sucks cause I really want a bagel.
Me: So eat a bagel.
Blonde: I can't I've gained 4 pounds in 2 months.

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm fairly certain I gain 4 pounds a week. Granted, I try to eat well, and try to move around as to not keep it on, but come on... 4 pounds? In 2 months? I know girls that would kill-a-bitch for that kind of weight gain.

Friend #1: I'm fairly certain I gain 10 pounds a month. So.. just eat a bagel.
Blonde: See her, you think she doesn't have an eating disorder

*points to (i think) her sister*

Friend #2: Didn't you throw up too?
Blonde: NO.
Friend #2: I know for a fact you did, twice.
Blonde: Ummmmmm... I think I know what I did to my own body.
Friend #2: I know you did, you threw up.

I sprang into action desperately seeking anything to stop the argument that was commencing in front of me. I turned my head to the educational kids section and...

Me: HEY LOOK! A book about the Human Body.. Oh wait.. bad choice.. Uhhh ummm.. BUGS! Look a book about BUGS!

[Insert hysterical laughter]

Thank god I have impecable timing. Although inappropriate to the argument, totally a hilarious on the dumb to funny scale.

Blonde: Why is she crying?
Friend #2: OHMYGOD, are you okay? Why are you crying?
Me: Because I can't get over how funny I am
*wipes away tears*

Oh boy.

Just another day in the life.

In other news, we now think that we are naming said baby Elijah Robert. Too cute.

Although, I still think Habakuk is a solid name.

Just kidding...... Kind of.

The Arachna-Murderer.

2010-05-24T22:06:00.000-04:00

I am arachnophobic. Absolutely freaking terrified of spiders.

Not quite run away screaming terrified (although that has happened) but close enough.

I've had all of these crazy encounters with these 8 legged demons. It all started when I was living in what I like to call me pre-middle school house when I awoke from a nap to a spider just hanging out on my face. That day, I ran screaming to my father and made him protect me from the big bad spiders.

*shudders*

I squirm just thinking about it.

Then there was the time I went backpacking on North Manitou Island and we slept in a spider pit. WORST MISTAKE EVER. We camped out in possible the most beautiful point on the Island, but I just felt something wasn't right... I felt like things were crawling all over me. But, the girls told me I was crazy until I looked down to see a million (well, looking back it was probably like 3 but who is really counting?) spiders crawling all over me. I flipped out, hyperventilated and BAM. Woke up in my tent some time in the middle of the night, alone. I turned on my flashlight all disoriented and made the horrible decision to point it at the tent, where I could see hundreds of GIGANTIC spider shadows crawling all over the place. BAM. Next thing I know I'm awake, its morning and its time to get the heck outta dodge.

Okay, so you are now starting to get the point.

Anyways, I've been trying to deal with my fears for a while now, mostly because I feel too old to contiue freaking out the way I have been. I now remain calm, as calm as I can be sans my heart racing like a racecar and slowly back away before I run for the hills with OUT screaming :)

I'm such a grown up.

I hadn't had any real big run ins thanks to winter until the other night when I was asleep.

In my dream I came face to face with a big black ugly spider. And guess what I did?

I headbutted the little sucker to death! BOOM. Fears faced.

Then I woke up. Decided to take it as as facing my fears head on, pun totally intended.

Today, in real life, a spider was crawling on my windshield as I was pulling into my driveway. I totally drowned that thing with the windshield washer fluid. BOO-YAH!

So I told my dad about it and he called me the Arachna-Murderer.

It has a nice ring to it..

Now only if I didn't still have to rely on Ben to kill the spider on the ceiling..

Nom Nom Nom. I'd eat all day if people wouldn't look at me and think I was bulemic or something... sigh

2010-05-20T21:32:00.000-04:00

So I'm like the worst person in the entire world to go get food with. Seriously, I mean, I am that person that does not know what she wants, says "no you decide where we go to eat" and when you choose I immediately do not like it. Then when we finally choose someplace to go, I never know what I want to eat.. except I get the same thing from these places EVERY SINGLE TIME.

My apologies to everyone that has ever had this experience with me.

I seem to have the most interesting things happen to me when I go through a drive-thru. Whether it is narrowly missing those big posts while attempting to pull around or I get the one person who CANNOT speak well. At all. And I'm all like.. okay, so it sounds like I ordered a matyr booger instead of a quarter pounder. But, I trust it as well as I can and pull forward anyways.

I, also, truly hate speaking into those boxes. I feel like I'm talking to nothing and then BAM.. A voice from the beyond. I mean.. what the aych?

So once I finally place my order, pull around, pay for my fat with a large cellulite and take off to my final food eating destination.

And despite all the uncomfortable and weird happenings, I enjoy my grease and fat and cellulite. YUMM-O.

So today, I was starving sitting at home catching up on my trashy prime time TV. And after finishing up I decided enough was enough, time to go feed the hungry monster.

I live within 10 minutes of about a million and a half chain restaurants and then some. Could I decide what I wanted? Umm.. No. I drove around for a little while and decided on KFC because hey, who doesn't enjoy a KFC bowl?

Possibly the WORST drive-thru experience of my life. Rectangular building that literally had 90 degree angles for a drive thru. As I tried to maneuver my way through this drive thru with my boat of car I notice that my car seems to be tilting.. 'What the hell?' I say to myself.. Turns out there is a pothole the size of Lake Erie 5 feet from the freaking building, smack dab in the middle of that crappy drive-thru. UGGGHHH. I dip myself through there in a panic thinking I might be sucked into a sinker or a black hole.. or something, and have to re-maneuver the boat just so I can be somewhat near the speaker boxy thing. Then.. another 90 degree angle. 2 cars ahead of me and now there is one behind me. I am completely diagonal in this skinny ass little driveway and then another car comes around, probably avoiding the horrid drive-thru, but i digress. The SUV couldn't get around me without going up on the curb despite there being a driveway with an exit literally two feet from where I was angled. Before curbing it the SUV stopped, honked its horn, flipped me a big ol' birdie and mouthed F*** YOU plain as day and then drove off as if nothing ever happened. What was I supposed to do? I was blocked in and after 5 minutes of sitting there we weren't moving.

Finally, I got up to the window, pulled out my card and paid. Now, I've never EVER had to sign when I swiped my card in a fast food place let alone in the drive-thru.. So this guy hands me a receipt and expects me to sign it for him.. I'm all like.. Umm, my car is all soft and squishy and comfortable.. this isn't going to end well.. I signed it, poking basically a big giant hole in the receipt where my signature should've been.

I got my food and the nightmare was over. I came home, ate my food and now it is back to watching trashy TV. What a life I lead.

Pens. WOAH.

2010-05-19T22:48:00.000-04:00

Pens.

So simple. Yet so... necessary.

I don't know about you but I am so unbelievably particular about what pens I use. I mean, if it writes even slightly weird, it gets pitched. I'm sure I've thrown away thousand's of pens over the years purely because they didn't feel right in my hand.

When I was in 5th grade my teacher (main teacher, seeing as we had two in an attempt to prepare us for middle school) told me I wrote weird. Most people, write with their right hand, pen or pencil on their middle finger.. I on the other hand write with my utensil on the ring finger. I was apparently wrong and she attempted to "fix" my writing style. I tried for weeks, and even now I get the urge to attempt to change that habit and attempt it.. 5 minutes later it is just far too awkward and its back to writing the "wrong" way.

But the key to any good writing? Having the best around. I'm personally a big fan of Bic pens. They roll smooth and last FOREVER. Well, as long as you don't lose it. I have a habit of losing pens after a day or a month depending on how much I really like it! But, the inevitable happens and BOOM. I'm penless.

I also like highlighters.

They make me feel so accomplished for whatever reason.

You know, making a list of things to do and one by one crossing them off with that perfect highlighter. Pink is typically my preferred color. It is so vibrant and you can see through it so clearly. Green and blue usually blur the words and make it hard to read.. Yellow and orange are so typical and like my mother said, they remind me of school.

*sigh*

Its amazing the choices we have to write.

You think its hard picking out a pen? Just try lifting that 10,000lb pen and trying to write.

Now there is a challenge.

Writer's Block.

2010-05-19T10:18:00.001-04:00

I have a serious case of writer's block.

Hence the lack of posts.

I'll be making a list of things I could possibly write about.

I have to write if I want readers.

But what to write about... that truly is the question. Through out the day I have all of these wonderful ideas of what to write about, but by the time I sit down to type it.. Nothing comes to mind. I don't like that nothing comes to mind. I also don't want this to become a "diary" of sorts.

This isn't livejournal. Thank God.

Well, I'm off to try to make my list.

I can hear the bells.

2010-05-15T10:06:00.000-04:00

I'm going to a wedding today.
I, however, am not feeling very romantic or lovey dovey what so ever.
I mean, I don't think you have to feel that way in order to go to a wedding, but boy, when you are in the mood, it makes it so much better. I guess if I wasn't so lost as to what the hell was going on with certain things, then it wouldn't be an issue. But I don't, so it is.

I'm tired of feeling frustrated and having the weight of the world on my shoulders. Yes, I'm happier than I've been in at least 5 years, but geez! I thought that once I got here people would realize that it is pointless to try bringing me down. Obviously not. Oh well, so many failed attempts later and I'm still singing melodies and wearing a shit eattin' grin on my face. BOOM.

I can't believe it took so long to be happy.. I look back now and almost laugh at what I thought was "ruining my life". I was such a drama queen. Everything was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and with the exception of a few minor instances, they were just me screaming for attention. Silly, silly, past me... Why did you let such things bring you down?

But now, I move forward and try to forever hold my head up high. It is so important. Happiness is so important. I've found that I enjoy doing so many little things, so many silly things that a year ago I wouldn't be caught dead doing.

My parents were in an excellent show last night by the way, They were absolutely hysterical, as most everybody was!

Well, I suppose I should get my computer charger and plug this bad boy in...

Until next time, I hopefully will make more sense then..

Reminiscing.

2010-05-12T23:19:00.000-04:00

I missed my best friend.

I hate reminiscing because it makes me miss what we used to do and how we used to be.

But it sure is nice to relive those memories.

A walk down memory lane is always nice.

Stay tuned..

GLEEK.

2010-05-11T22:19:00.001-04:00

Hands down, I am a total Gleek. I love Glee. I own the music from season 1 and listen to it almost everywhere I go. I will shortly own the season 1 dvd's so I can get my Glee on anytime I want.

This season has been phenomenal. Non stop AMAZING since episode 1. Now, they are going to have Neil Patrick Harris on an episode? OHMIGOD. I am in heaven. I think tomorrow I will devote this to Glee and the wonderful things I feel about this show.

For now, Stephanie Plum is beckoning me into her crazy world. I must read until my eyes can take no more.

10,000 steps. Part 2.

2010-05-10T21:54:00.000-04:00

Well, only got as far as 5,602 steps.

I guess I'm only 'half' active. I made sure to walk everywhere I went at work. Walked around the mall while waiting for my glasses to be fixed. Hell, I even walked around a single parking space a few times. I jogged through my house, walked while reaching to clean my bookshelf. I did a little extra than what I normally would in a given day. and got just over halfway.

My dad said I could tack on about 1,000 steps for the morning when I wasn't wearing the pedometer. I guess that puts me at 6,602. I guess I need to try a little harder tomorrow when I'm going for my goal. I will hit 10,000 steps one day this week if it kills me (it won't, but you get the point).

I didn't realize how difficult it would be to hit my goal. I thought it would be a walk in the park, literally.

It was interesting seeing what it took to get to 6,000 steps. without my walk around the mall and the jog around the house, I probably would have only gotten to 3.000 steps. I guess I need to work a little harder to be an active person.

I want to lead a healthier lifestyle.

I've always had trouble getting myself to wash my face at night just because it is so much easier to do it in the morning when you are just getting up and ready. But, I want to have beautiful healthy skin, I want to have a beautiful healthy body and I want it the right way.

Well, I suppose I should begin mapping out just how I'm going to get my 10,000 steps. We'll see if I can get my butt up in the morning for a stroll around the block. Unlikely, but possible.

Hopefully, I'll be able to really sit down and write out my 10,000 step journey tomorrow and tell you all I had to do. I'll post pictures from today and what I get tomorrow. And maybe, I'll even come up with something fantastic to really write about tomorrow.

Until then.

10,000 steps. Part 1.

2010-05-10T13:26:00.000-04:00

After a 3 day absence, I feel like I need to do something big to make up for it.

Today I take on the task of walking 10,000 steps.

My mom joined this wellness program at her work and one of the things they said was 10,000 steps a day is what you need to take in order to be considered an 'active' person.

My goal is to see just what it takes to walk 10,000 steps in one day.

I've put one of my mom's pedometers on at about 1:10 this afternoon and started my journey. Right now, its lunchtime from work and I've gotten 188 steps just walking around my house and preparing my meal.

My plan is to document via my phone the steps during the rest of my day at work and then continue documenting as my day wears on.

Only 9,812 steps to go.

Coming Home.

2010-05-06T22:12:00.000-04:00

I'm searching for the right words to make this entry unoffensive in the first few sentences... but after thinking it over, it seems there is no graceful way to go about this, so I may as well just be frank and say what I'm thinking. . .

I have had an issue with God and religion for a very long time.

There, I said it. It is out in the open and I'm not taking it back.

I've put this thought in the back of my mind for a very long time. Never opened the box I have stored it in to really explore my feelings. Sure, I've thought about going back to Church and finding what I truly believe in, but I have never taken that first little baby step to get the ball rolling, so to speak. I pray when I feel the need and I ask for guidance and support on things that I've done, but I've never really tried to have a real relationship with him. I had no reason to in my mind. This God has dealt me a 7 and a 2, off suit, in the poker game of life. I've been angry with him for so long that the anger is all I know. Between the horrible things I've experienced and the losses I have felt, I feel like the man hasn't given me a break. I counted a few days ago of all the people that have died in my life since I was 14... off the top of my head I came up with 8, at least one a year since I was 14. My friends, both of my grandpas, other family members. All sorts of different deaths too... suicide, car accidents, cancer, unexpected, old age... I've seen more in my 19 (almost 20) years of life than many have seen in 50.

I set out this today to help clear my head by cleaning up and organizing my office, my closet and my car. Even after doing these things my head was still feeling foggy and I was anxious to do something more outside of my home. I drove around for a while deciding to do one thing then changing my mind and heading home to deciding to do something else then yet again, changing my mind and heading home. Once I was in my house, I was sure that tonight was not a night I should be home. . . That's when I decided I'd explore writing venues and head to a local diner where there is wifi and write about whatever came to mind at the time. Not two minutes after discussing my plans with my mother did my friend call and we decided to meet up at this diner to catch up after about 4 months of little contact.

I don't know what I was expecting. Probably just a brief chat catching up on life. I was more than wrong. Of course we caught up on life and the happenings of it all.. But then it took an interesting turn and began to get deeper and deeper. . We discussed my friend Julian's death and how I was feeling then and how I feel now. Talked about her joining the Americorp and how that made her feel. Then, somehow, we got on the topic of God and religion.

I was baptized when I was 12, the same day I was confirmed. Then, I had a very solid relationship with the big man. It felt good to be a Christian and I never doubted anything about it. Sure I had questions, but I knew I'd learn the answers in time..

I didn't realize my friend hadn't been baptised. I'm sure we've discussed it before but it never really hit me.

That is when we got on the topic of angels and God and how they appear to us in every day life.

"Coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous"

For whatever reason, that really hit me like a brick to the head. It started me thinking about the little things that were happening in my life and had been happening randomly.. When Julian died I was trying to be the strong one. To be there for everyone who needed somebody, anybody. But, I had a weak moment. I sat behind this very screen searching for the right words, the right music, the right anything to help me through that moment. I remember saying to God and to Julian, "God, Jules, whichever one of you is listening... Give me something, anything to help me right now." I went to Julian's facebook page and was reading through the comments wondering if the words there would help me out with what I was feeling. That was when I saw the link to a song on youtube. 'Comin' Home' by City and Colour was the song that came across my speakers. It was exactly what I needed. I purchased the album. Those were the words I needed. It was like my prayers were answered then and there. However, it wasn't my only weak moment. Driving home after the weekend ended and regular life had no choice but to begin again, I was having a hard time keeping dry eyes. The tears just streamed out of my eyes. I cried "Julian, I need a sign you are here and I'm going to get home and everything is going to be okay..." Not a minute later and I was being tailed by a car. The car sped around me before I had a chance to get out of his way. When the car got in front of me it was like slow motion.. The car slowed down so he was riding in front of me just close enough to read his license plate. "Jules" it said loud and bold. Jules, was a nickname people had adopted for Julian. It was like a huge wave of relief swept over me. I got home and while moving forward and continuing on with life was difficult, I knew somebody was watching over me and making sure things were okay.

It's like my friend said, God appears in front of us not as himself but as the things we find comfort in, the people we are familiar with, and the words we long to hear.

Maybe now I'll look deeper into finding what I believe in.

Maybe God sent me that song to tell me its time I came back home to him.

I'm not sure I am 100% ready to begin my search, but I will definitely be keeping my eye out for him and long to feel him surround me.

God, if you are ready to listen, I'm ready to start talking.

Amen.

Plum Crazy.

2010-05-05T20:09:00.000-04:00

Dressed to the Nines. The next book in the wonderful series that my Aunt recommended to me. It takes me less than 24 hours after completing one book to come into Border's and buy the next in the series. Stephanie Plum is surely becoming one of my heroes.

I'm sitting here in Border's considering what I can write about this character to really portray to you her through my eyes. I think she is slowly becoming apart of who I am.

Stephanie Plum. Bounty Hunter.
Maybe in her wildest dreams, even though that is her job title.
She is terrified of guns and constantly has some maniac chasing after her.
Two men. One she is made for (the one we all turn the next page for) and the one she can only pine over.
Crazy family. Enough said there.
and I'm sure we are all waiting for her to have a car for more than 30 (give or take) pages.

It amazes me how confident she is with herself despite all of the wild things that happen to her on a daily (in book life) basis. She faces completely outrageous situations and still puts on a (semi) brave face and continues on until she finds answers.

I wish I had that kind of perseverance and drive to do certain things. I admire her for that. If something scares me I will, like her, pretend like it doesn't or avoid it at all costs. I would never return to a place I call home where something truly horrific happened or march my tushy down to a place where someone told me to stay away from. My senses would truly get the best of me and I would do the responsible and 'right' thing by staying away. I'm probably missing out on a lot of crazy things that life has to offer because of that little detail, but then again, i'd like to wake to tomorrow without fear. Many of us would.

She teaches me things I never thought in a million years I'd read on the pages of a goofy book.

I wonder if my personality is as addictive as hers. . .

I wonder if people hope to talk and be my friend as I long to read another one of her crazy adventures. I can only hope. It would be saying a lot about me as a person. I never want people to think I am something that can be merely discarded or set on a shelf to collect dust.

- - -

After looking at Janet Evanovich's website I feel to be on another level with the characters.. I clearly need to read a little faster than I have been, gotta catch up before June 22nd when the next book comes out.. Heck, I might even go all out and buy the hard cover.. I know, shocking right? I'm not a real big fan of Hard Cover, for whatever reason I don't feel like you can truly get into a hard cover book. I mean I got be able to bend the book in order to feel like I'm really reading. Strange, I know.

I truly wish I could tell you more, but I don't want to give too much away in case you ever want to start reading the series, which I highly recommend. :]

I think maybe I'll do a little reading before I head home.

Till tomorrow.